easy

About anger

2012-02-15T06:00:00.000+01:00

"It is natural for the immature to harm others.
Getting angry with them is like resenting a fire for burning."
Shantideva

Living with a borderline mom can be emotionally draining at times. She feels constantly angry and unhappy, projecting these negative feelings to people closest to her. She refuses to reflect on the real source of her unhappiness and blame others for letting her down instead. No matter how hard I tried, it was never good enough for her. I always had to keep up with her unrealistic expectations. I've tried to talk to her a few times before, but it never worked out well. I have to admit I'm not a patient person, sometimes I lost my own control of emotion and retaliated to her angry outbursts by snapping back.

Today she started screaming at me. After her 10 min-non-stop insults, I started to get pissed off and I kinda practiced a meditation technique by deep breathing and being aware of our emotions. At that moment I realized,"Ok, I'm getting angry." This awareness brought me to a point where I could control my anger and I thought to myself,"I do not want to be robbed of my peace of mind therefore I'm not playing along." It worked! To my own amazement, I calmed down. I didn't respond to her anger invitation (patting myself on the back) :D

This reminds me of a friend's story about his mom. His mom was emotionally abused by his dad and she angrily complained to a monk about her depressing circumstances. The monk told her it's her fault. And she was shell shocked, started reflecting, stopped her complaining and changed her state of mind/ perception. And guess what, his dad started changing and becoming a better person as well when he noticed her becoming more calm, patient and tolerant. Just like what Gandhi said,"Be the change you want to see in the world."

A nice story about how we should deal with anger and insults.

Buddha is abused
by: Anthony de Mello (a late Jesuit priest)

Buddha seemed quite unruffled by the insults hurled at him by a visitor. When his disciples later asked him what the secret of his serenity was, he said:

"Imagine what would happen if someone placed an offering before you and you did not pick it up. Or someone sent you a letter that you refused to open; you would be unaffected by its contents, would you not?"

But despite of all our differences, I'm lucky to have a mother who loves me very much. And at the end of the day, it's all that matters.

My birthday project

2012-02-06T04:17:00.011+01:00

This is my simple religion. There is no need for temples; no need for complicated philosophy. Our own brain, our own heart is our temple; the philosophy is kindness. - Dalai Lama

----------------------------------------

It all started a week ago, when I (true to my attention seeking self) told my friends that my birthday's coming up.

Most of them answered,"So, what do you want for your birthday present?" or "Let's go grab some food and drinks. My treat." Some of them answered,"So what?" :D

I was lying on my bed 2 days before my birthday and started thinking, what do I want? And it struck me, I am lucky enough to have everything I need and I don't want anything anymore. I'm content :) And I realized how lucky I am to have friends who would spend more than 50 euros to buy me presents, treat me to dinner in posh lounges, how we're able to spend hundred euros in one night just for food and beverage.

So I decided to share my birthday celebration with 70 children in an orphanage near Jakarta on Feb 19th. At first I wanted to pay the food and cake from my friend's fund, the money they're going to spend on me will go to those children's burgers instead. But then I found out that this orphanage is an independent orphanage, which means they do not have any trust fund. So, at this point I decided I would personally pay for the food expense, and my friend's money will go as cash donation.

I broadcasted my project to the people on my contact list, posted it on facebook, shamelessly extorting my friends and cousins. And I got very positive responses from them. Some offered to help, some are willing to donate and share the words. This is going bigger :)

Of course there're some friends who got suspicious and thought that this is a plan to scam their money. Well, they have good reasons to doubt, I don't blame them either. So I won't be focusing on this minority :)

At first I only planned on food and balloons for the kids, now I have a photographer setting up a photo booth for the kids, cake donation from a bakery owner, a musician offering to perform for the kids, some friends who are coordinating clothes donation. Cash donation is also pouring in. Some friends are eager to drive me to the orphanage, they are even more excited than me about this project :)

The words spread and I got friends from Australia, Germany, Austria, Sweden asking me how they could donate. I got the Australians covered, as they can wire their donation to my brother's Brisbane account and he'll give me the cash in our currency.
The Swedish guy wanted to send his donation per post, how cute is that..
I am still arranging with an Indonesian friend in Berlin, whether people in Germany can transfer the money into her German account, and I'll get the money from her dad in Jakarta.

To be honest, there's a selfish satisfaction in all of this.. I always believe in the good in people, and this project affirms me of people's warmheartedness and goodness, how enthusiastic people are in helping others. We are all one after all.
Someone told me before that people are evil in the first place and no one can do good without believing in God. I'm glad that he's wrong. My donators aren't religious people who go to church every week, but they know compassion and they believe in humanity.

I remembered the head-sister of the orphanage thanked me wholeheartedly when I was talking to her on the phone, and it made me realize, I should be the one thanking her and the children. They are the ones who give me the chance, the possibility to try making a change, they taught me about love and warmth. The givers should be thankful indeed.

"Many small people who in many small places, do many small things can alter the face of the world"
-excerpt from the Berlin wall.

* I still have 2 weeks to extort and beg and I am thanking all of those, who make it possible, as I can't do this all alone. Together we can make a difference :)

Info on http://nodongdana.blogspot.com/
only in Indonesian though.

Emptying my cup

2012-01-24T05:51:00.007+01:00

Nan-in, a master, received a university professor who came to inquire about Zen.
Nan-in served tea. He poured his visitor's cup full, and then kept on pouring.

The professor watched the overflow until he no longer could restrain himself. "It is overfull. No more will go in!"

"Like this cup," Nan-in said, "you are full of your own opinions and speculations. How can I show you Zen unless you first empty your cup?"
_______________________________

I've seen so many people having disputes about their doctrines or ideologies. Liberals against conservatives, one religion against another, theists against atheists, the list will go on as long as human being exists.
We are so full of ourselves, believing what we know to be the absolute truth. I plead so guilty of this. I was a radical science and history worshipper, defending my 'freethinking' ideology, idolizing the mind power and human intelligence.

One day I was having a debate about evolution and the infallibility of the bible with an avid believer of the holy scriptures. Needless to say he disregarded every argument about us sharing the same ancestor with apes. Every apparent oddity which denies his belief of the bible is dismissed as translation, error contradicting his own doctrine that the Bible is to be taken literally.

Just an innocent oddity I took from Genesis.

1:27	So God created man in his own image, in the image of God created he him; male and female created he them.
1:28	And God blessed them, and God said unto them, Be fruitful, and multiply, and replenish the earth, and subdue it: and have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the fowl of the air, and over every living thing that moveth upon the earth.

Since this is supposed to happen before the creation of Eve, it means that God is androgynous, isn't he (0r she)? Boy, did he get upset of my blasphemy, and rationalized it as a translation error and figurative speech. How do you decide which line should be taken figuratively and literally? I guess it depends on whether or not it matches the doctrine.

Anyway, this guy then argued that there're gaps and missing links in evolution and human history, asking me how I know that the written history as we know it is true. I wasn't there to witness the events that took place some thousand years ago. He then added that I'm too close-minded and bullheaded to understand the scriptures.

This came as a shock to me (not the close-mindedness part), and I started to ponder, he's right. Why do I believe in the written history? There's no absolute truth in history either. It can be fabricated, tampered with. A mere propaganda, an illusion.

If I look back at all the history lessons about the indonesian communism taught in the school, I realized it was all attempts of propaganda, made by the ruling regime to justify their power coup. Just as some believe 9/11 is an inside job, moon landing hoax, etc. Another example, if you grow up in Japan, you probably would deny the massacre of Nanking. If you're a Chinese, then you'll be taught about the gruesomeness of the same massacre.
*I'm not saying anything about science, as this is not my area of expertise.

I then come to a conclusion that he and I are both close-minded. Since I do not have the control over other people's mind, then let me change my own way of thinking.

"Can one talk about the ocean to a frog in a well or about the divine to people who are restricted by their concepts?". We are all frogs in the well.

Most of us have a certain shape/box of idealism in our minds. His is rectangular, whereas mine, circular. We wear different coloured lenses in seeing the world. We force things we saw to fit into this idealistic shape of our mind. As the result, we tend to reduce, compromise, ignore, cherry pick.

If both of us see an elephant, his elephant will look rectangular and green (seen from his green colored lens), whereas mine, circular and pink. We ignore the fact that the elephant is neither circular nor rectangular, pink nor green. To make things worse, we refuse to take off our lenses to see the real elephant. We only see what our eyes and brain want to see.
As the saying goes,"Ignorance isn't only about not knowing things, but also about refusing to find out about the unknown".

Speaking about arrogance and ignorance, I overheard some guys debating on whether or not his church is the real one. At one point the more outspoken guy attacked that the other church is fake because they hold their worship service on Saturday instead of Sunday and their spoken tounge differs from his. He then said,"It's satanic! God rests on the 7th day, which is Sunday, not Saturday! And their tounge is a manifestation of Kundalini ghost."

I almost laughed out loud. Do they even know what Kundalini is? Honestly, I'm not sure. Why would a fundamentalist christian explore about other spiritual practices? And I'm pretty sure as well that they never heard of Constantine who moved the Sabbath (Saturday) to Sunday in regard to his devotion to the pagan sun god. SUNday. SONNtag. See the relevance?
The jews, still holding to the laws of the old testament, celebrated the Sabbath from the sunset of Friday to Saturday. As was written in Genesis. They count Sunday as the first day of the week. If only those fundamentalists were humble enough to check on their own history..
Oops! Here I go again. Me and my box :D

This goes for atheists as well, who are so confined in the "outbox", believing that there's no divine existence, calling religious people stupid fools. Ok, maybe this is bitterness after being constantly harassed by the religious fundamentalists out there. But seriously, you can't answer all of your questions either, can you? I do not believe in a personal god either, but how do we prove the nonexistence of God, Hercules, unicorn or the Loch Ness monster?

The bottom line is that I am ignorant. I'm trying to be less ignorant, stripping off my arrogance and being aware that I know nothing about anything. Just bear with me if I'm standing at a nihilistic point, trying to empty my teacup.

Why do you keep crying over the same thing over and over again?

2012-01-20T14:45:00.002+01:00

Dedicated to a dear friend, who keeps crying over the same thing again and again. Hope you will stop towing around the past luggage someday and start living your life.

Why is everybody happy but me?

2012-01-17T17:16:00.008+01:00

Ok. Three posts in a day are definitely too much, but well, I'm sitting here in a cafe, waiting for a friend and got nothing better to do.

Again, this is about a friend who told me, she wanted to love others around her. She would like to devote her life to make others happy. Her dream is to build a shelter for underprivileged children and to teach them. I really think this is very noble of her, but since I know her quite well, I know that she has a form of depression in which she chastises and hates herself. She thinks that human beings are evil to begin with. A concept fairly strange to me as I always believe that human beings are goodhearted in the beginning. What changes them, us, is circumstances, necessity, wounds, bitterness.
Ah, forget about me and my perception, this is about her.

Then I asked her cautiously,"Wouldn't it be better to learn to love yourself first?"
She answered,"Nope. Others come first. This way I will feel better"

The last time I heard, she let many people down and turned her back to people who love her, including her family. So much for her devotion to other people. She was severely depressed. Her insecurity and self hatred made her uncapable of loving. Her negativity drown her and others around her. I kept thinking how she should've focused on her own healing. Beggars can't be givers.
I do sincerely hope she'll get through the depression phase and start learning to love herself, which will give her the capacity of fulfilling her noble dream.

I happened to stumble upon this,

"why is everybody happy but me?"
"Because they have learned to see beauty and goodness everywhere." said the master.
"why dont I see beauty and goodness everywhere?"
"Because you can't see outside of you what you fail to see inside."

So very true..

The Word Illusion

2012-01-17T12:06:00.007+01:00

A group of people used to be bothered by the way I talked. I could easily call myself "rubbish", "bitch" or "pig" which is apparently troublesome for their ears. They told me I should have more self respect. I still remember the time they heard me saying "sh*t", they went mad and told me it's a pity that a lovely girl degrades herself, throwing pearls before swines, in their own words.

They judged me based on their own assumption and ignorance. According to their mind, they knew that I had no feeling of self worth if I laughed about myself. Well, as for me, I don't care if you call me a swine, bitch, etc.. My self worth isn't defined by words. And what does a word mean? It's man made. You can call a twenty carat diamond "crap", and it's still a diamond. Call a dog "cow" and he still barks.

I think they were so bothered by words because they have not learned how to accept one's self. They let themselves be distorted and defined by words which meaning is a mere illusion. Call them "monkey" and they might probably feel they're monkeys. Well, I don't. Along the journey I've learned to recognize who I am, I'm proud of my achievement, of my positive qualities. At the same time I learned to laugh about my flaws and mistakes as well. I can't really fathom, why do we let ourselves be limited by literal labels? A human being's existence is simply larger than words. If we have the awareness and will to strive for a bigger heart, small stuffs just won't matter anymore.

Ok, to be fair, maybe it does matter to other people, then just tell me upfront that it disturbs them, maybe I will take their feelings into consideration, but quit pretending to be concerned about those precious pearls thrown before swines and stop telling me their ways to boost my self worth. The fact is that calling myself pearl or swine won't change the way I feel about myself.

If you pour vinegar into a tiny cup, the water inside will turn sour. But if you pour the same amount of vinegar or even more into a lake, the water remains fresh.

Serenity prayer for those hedonists out there ;)

2012-01-17T05:57:00.002+01:00

Grant me the stubbornness to change what I can,
the laziness to accept what I cannot,
and enough beer to sit around and endlessly discuss the difference between the two.

Dick Dunn

Hello, responsibility!

2012-01-13T10:17:00.000+01:00

A good friend of mine is very stressed out at the moment, as his mom's suddenly diagnosed with a rare spinal cancer grade 4 and will undergo series of chemotherapy. As the only child, he has to quit his current job and start to run his mom's business.
I can still remember two months ago, he was still laughing and told me that he wanted to enjoy his life as a corporate employee with no big responsibilities for at least the next five years, before actually having to take over his family's business. Well, things change.

We went out to drink last week and he said, he wouldn't be able to go out so often anymore, now that he had to work hard and take care of his mom. I didn't know what to say, so I just smiled and patted his arm,"No worry. You'll get through this. Just call me if you need to talk or hang out."

We always have excuses when we're really not that into something, or when we're afraid of what the future may hold. "I'm not ready", "I can't do it", "Maybe later", but unfortunately life won't wait until we're ready. Sometimes we just have to jump off the boat before we even learn to swim, but maybe that's the fastest way to learn to swim, isn't it? If we keep saying "later", we probably won't learn to swim afterall.

It reminds me of a time when we went to a club and the club was closed before our alcohol effect wore off. Seriously, it sucked. But what can you do? Well, in this case we could just move to another club. But sometimes we just have to shrug our shoulders and get sober.
A kitsch german music video about some guy who doesn't want to stop when the party ends.

Nein man, ich will noch nicht gehen
No, man, I don't wanna go yet.

Ich will noch ein bisschen tanzen
I still wanna dance for a bit!

Komm schon, alter
C'mon, dude.

Ist doch noch nicht so spät
It's not even that late yet.

Lass uns noch ein bisschen tanzen
Let's dance for just a bit!

There is always an answer in simplicity

2012-01-08T16:31:00.003+01:00

Too cool !! :D

Zen wisdom on letting go

2012-01-08T15:34:00.010+01:00

Tanzan the master and young Ekido were once traveling together down a muddy road. A heavy rain was still falling.
Coming around a bend, they met a lovely girl in a silk kimono and sash, unable to cross the intersection.

"Come on, girl," said Tanzan at once. Lifting her in his arms, he carried her over the mud.

Ekido did not speak again until that night when they reached a lodging temple. Then he no longer could restrain himself. "We monks don't go near females," he told Tanzan, "especially not young and lovely ones. It is dangerous. Why did you do that?"

"I left the girl there," said Tanzan. "Are you still carrying her?"
-----------------------------------------

I had a big row with my mom recently, afterwards I was moody the whole day and kept thinking about the row. Though I know the theory of letting go of the past and emotional detachment, but it is so difficult in reality.
I wish I could be calmer in handling the situation and balancing my state of mind. I hope that someday my heart will be more like a deep ocean, where the storm can stir the surface but not shake the depth.

*sigh..
I am Ekido, who still carries the girl in his mind, even long after the girl is gone.

Requiem for my christianity

2012-01-04T08:19:00.005+01:00

I think I've officially stopped looking for God and I stopped calling myself a Christian. Well, this didn't come to me as a shock, but still kinda surprising. It happened on Christmas night when I attended the mass, as we're about to say the apostle's creed "I believe in one God, Father almighty, creator of heaven and earth, ...", somehow I couldn't bring myself to say it. I don't believe in it anymore. I don't believe in the Bible, that it comes from God, written by men inspired by holy spirit. I do not believe in Jesus as THE only way, the truth and the light.

I do believe that there's a bigger power out there that exceeds our capacity of understanding, maybe it's indeed an almighty god, the universe, whatever. I have no answer to this and I'll leave this question open. And I do believe Jesus existed in the first place. So I won't necessarily call myself an atheist. But I can't accept the christian dogma that Jesus is the son of God, that I have to believe in Him as my savior and my god to be saved from eternal hell, despite of all the good deeds that I've done. I just can't accept this concept of an egocentric god who forces me to shut down my brain, denies me of answers and expects me to worship him, or else I'll burn eternally. And seeing as he is supposedly to know what I feel and think, I can't fool him by playing hypocrite either, saying I believe just because I fear the punishment. Either way, I'm going down apparently.

I've tried hard to abandon my logic 'head' and to listen more to my 'heart'. You might say I didn't try hard enough, well, I did. I spent more than two decades trying to find him, and still I got nothing. Maybe my creator doesn't think I'm good enough that he has to hide himself from me. In the critical times, when I was about to leave my faith, I was hovering at the door for years, unsure if I wanted to step out or step back in, but he never stopped me from going, never called my name and asked me to stay either. Apparently I wasn't important enough, he was too busy tending to his other good lambs that he didn't notice me leaving the herd. Hm, to think that I would even be happy to receive a lightning strike...

And honestly, it's not my fault that I was born in the 20th century, with good access to knowledge, having read lots of books while having a dad who is rational and a devoted Buddhist in addition. It's not my fault either that I'm equipped with a critical brain, that tends to ask questions. My parents told me even as a kid, I had been asking about stuffs all the time, that they bought me sets of encyclopedia just to stop me from harassing them with my endless questioning. I never chose my family nor my circumstances. If he wanted me to be a deaf and blind believer, then he might as well put me back in 14th century or maybe in a christian fundamentalist family with no access to knowledge. I might grow up as an avid believer, maybe even a crusader.

But the problem is he's supposed to be the one putting me in these shoes and having known about the church, bible and it's history, I've come to a realization that the bible isn't a god-sent holy scripture anyway.
It's a collection of people's stories, written based on their own perceptions. And who decided whose collections were good enough to be put in the bible? The early church and it's consensus. And what drove them? Politics and power.
Who decides if Jesus is the literal or figurative son of God? Please read about the First Council of Nicaea. The concept of Jesus' deity? Ask Constantine who worshiped a pagan sun god.

So, based on what evidence can I say that Jesus is the only way, maybe he didn't say so himself. Maybe the politicians changed what was originally stated in the scripture. History is written by the winners, isn't it? If Hitler had won the war, he might've described himself as Gandhi. Who knows?
Is the bible absolute and correct? Yes.
Who said so? The bible itself. Paradoxical, for me.
Reminds me somehow of Kim Jong Il and how the north koreans idolized him.

Well, now I left. And when someday he realizes that I'm not in the herd anymore and wants me back, I guess he'll know where to find me, wont he?
I really like Jesus's teachings about love, but apparently my not believing in his status as Son of God makes me unchristian (as this belief is the core of Christianity) and if the eternal hell is my consequence, so be it. Hm if you think of it, if you really believe that the almighty is great, good and just, won't you think he would have his own judgment system, for me, for the good and moral Moslems, Hindus, Buddhists, or gays out there? (who btw can't choose their sexuality and are doomed to deny their own sexuality for the rest of their life. Seriously, whoever said that this is a cross they need to carry are most definitely judgmental heterosexuals, who have never walked a mile in other people's shoes before). If that isn't the case, then come what may. As for now, the question of afterlife? Que sera sera.

My 2011 Recap

2011-12-30T08:55:00.009+01:00

Now that I think back on the past year, I think I've matured (or changed, though I can only hope in a more positive way) a little bit.

- The brand-minded girl
Ask me about Louis Vuitton purse series two years ago, and I could give you the exact answer, I followed the purse's forum, etc. Now? I don't even care about those shiny expensive brands anymore. Ok, I still carry around one, but it's from my old collection, as I do not intend to buy any bags, branded or not. And the funny thing is, I do not even feel the pride of carrying a more than a-thousand-dollar-bag anymore as I used to. I dont even eye what kind of bag the other girls are carrying anymore. Its just a bag after all. Hm, now that I say it aloud, I kinda wonder, is the reason behind it is that I'm getting poorer, financially speaking? :D Or getting more manly? *gasp!

- Being judgmental, putting labels on people
I used to be very judgmental about other people. I hated people who're depressive, whiny, weak, ignorant, and the list goes on. To put it better, I didnt like people who didnt measure up to my standards as I saw myself as a strong girl. I used to think, if I could do it, why couldn't you?
I was picky, selecting carefully who I wanted to befriend. My friends consisted mostly of people who're strong willed, arrogant, smart, free thinking.

But as I had some distortions in life, I went out of my comfort zone and somehow made friends with different people from different religious backgrounds, races, etc. And I realized they're good people and I started to become more accepting of differences. And I was happier that way.. And people told me I was fun to be with and to talk to. I guess it was because I started to accept people the way they are and stopped judging and comparing.. Wait, negative and depressed people still irked me though.

The lesson didnt stop there. Curiously, in the past year I was surrounded by 'holy' fundamentalist church goers and I was the one being judged as I'm not as devoted as they are. And I was angry thinking how dare they judged me, when they haven't even walked a mile in my shoes. Oops, I think karma does exist!

So, I was the judge and then the judged. The circle is complete and I understand. Now? I'm an extreme liberal, to the point where I can think that people are the way they are because they have their own reasons, their own life experiences. And since I never walked in their shoes, who am I to judge? Negative and depressed? Well, it's their own struggle. I do not claim the right to dislike them anymore.. They are who they are, and I am who I am. *Now am I being non-judgmental or more apathetic?

- Me, the control freak
Since I kinda adopted my dad's buddhist philosophy, that we hold everything in our own hand, that we can choose our own future and destiny, (I tend to forget that what we can choose is our state of mind), I was an extreme control freak. I had to get things right, I was arrogant, thinking that I could overcome everything. Which reminds me of a funny conversation with a friend a few months ago.

He used to be a hedonist, living life on a fast track, but now he's a christian convert. He tried to convert me as well, but didn't really work out since he still can't answer my questions and maybe I'm too bullheaded. He told me that there must be God who destines things for us. And he asked me "Haven't you tried your hardest but still it didn't work out in the end? That you suddenly feel the need to pray as you accept defeat?" I answered determined-and-arrogantly,"Nop. As long as it's in my hand and I do my best, I never failed." "Well then, you're lucky.", said my friend.

Recently I faced defeat, I've tried my best and things still didn't work out. At this point, I let go of my arrogance and reluctantly admitted that there are indeed things that are out of our control, that things can go wrong, no matter how hard we tried or fought for the cause. Apparently there's indeed a stronger power than myself, it might be god, cosmic power, the universal energy, whatever you believe in. And it brought me back to the realization that I'm not an almighty superman. But for some weird reasons, I didn't feel the need to bow down and pray as well (which reminds me of another story with some christian fellows, oh I'll need another paragraph). And it made me ponder on my life motto Opto ergo sum (I choose, therefore I am), that the point is, I'm free to choose my state of mind, but not necessarily how things turn out. So now in the face of the defeat, I still have the choice to choose whether I grumble and hold grudges, or I let go of things and see it as another valuable lesson in life. And with full awareness and conscience, I choose the latter.

I used to join a christian sharing group last year and the leader said there're two types of people. Carrots and eggs. Carrots are those who get weaker and softer while being boiled. Eggs are the ones who get harder instead. Anyway, the leader then asked all of us, how we perceived ourselves. As my turn came, I didn't even have the chance to open my mouth, and a friend answered for me,"Ah, she is an egg!!". Another friend even added,"No, she's not an egg, she's a rock. No matter how long you boil her, she'll stay hard." Well, I won't admit I'm a rock, as I wasn't that hard in the very beginning, but the egg part is somewhat true. Honestly, I would like to be a carrot, it's a lot easier to swim with the stream, but I don't think that's my core. Anyway, this is out of topic.

- Freedom
I used to care what people thought about me, I tried to please people, worrying that they didn't like me or gossiped about me. Now I don't. I think I've come to a point where I've accepted that no one is perfect. I am not and I don't need to be either. I'm happy with my fortes and flaws, ok, about flaws, I'll try to be better for humanity's sake (ok, I exaggerate a little bit hehe), but it's all a process. And as long as I'm in this process, I accept my flaws. What do I care if others don't, as long as I don't do others any harm.

I don't really know what I went through or what I did to come to this point, but I think maybe because I've stepped out of my comfort zone, spread out some wings and took the fall. I've faced my fear and therefore I know what I'm capable of, which gives me a sense of security somehow.

A friend told me once that she didnt really like me when she first met me, as she felt a bit insecure because she thought I was cute fun always-twittering, and she thought that I did it to attract guy's attention. But after she got to know me, she told me, that she didn't feel insecure anymore (she's a very smart, self reflective and independent girl, whom I admire very much), because I didn't pretend to be cute or funny, that's just the way I am. I am authentic. And I know that, I've stopped pretending to be someone I am not some time ago.

- Fear of abandonment
I used to be afraid of being alone. If we want to get psychoanalytic, it might be because of my childhood trauma or whatsoever. I've come to realize my codependency pattern that I couldn't be alone, I had to be around people. And I decided to put an end to the fear and learned to enjoy the company of myself. Afterall, I learned that the unknown won't be that scary anymore if we have taken the first step of facing our fear. I have to admit it isn't easy and I'm still trying to hang in this. But at this moment, I've realized that being alone and loneliness are two different things. The fine line is again our state of mind. Now I can proudly say, I am staying strong. I'm getting there, I know I'm getting there :)

"Growing old is mandatory but growing up is optional"

Just another bitter rant

2011-12-26T11:18:00.008+01:00

I think I have to admit, at this point of my life I harbor resentment towards those those fanatical godsent churchgoers. A quite radical preacher I once met told someone that his inner eye and sensitive spirit fueled by God's wisdom saw a glimpse of my tortured soul and it was blackholey dark. He didn't even bother to have a chat with me before he made the conclusion. And he was quite persistent in his effort to reach me to get me back on the 'right' track. Well, at least I know for sure he and his loyal disciples are praying hard for my soul salvation today :)

Ok, I won't be saying anything about beliefs anymore. It brings us nowhere. They're devoted believers, whereas I ,um, how do I say this? am more like in between.
But still I wonder, how hard they try to uniform differences, how they would like to force me to see things exactly like how they see it.
I mean, let's take a so-called measurement ruler as an example. I might say it's a torture device (as I might have been beaten with one), you might say it's a nondescript plastic/wooden stuff. A student might say it's a device used to measure things, ask the tribal people out there, and they might give you other answers and point of view. Which of them is right? All of them are.

Some of us see the image of a pretty young lady, where as others see an old battered-looking woman. Which is true? You might start debating, but both are. It depends how we perceive the image, what past experiences we had, the list goes on.
As Dalai Lama said,"People take different roads seeking fulfillment and happiness. Just because they're not on your road, doesnt mean they've gotten lost." But well, he's an outcast as well, no wonder he's much more tolerant of differences :D

Well, I've stopped trying to inject some sense of respect for differences on the godsends anyway. It just doesn't work, as they've put themselves on the holy pedestal, seeing things from a high and mighty throne. Who am I, a vagabond, to dare to speak to these heaven-reigning kings?

But there's one question that's still popping in my treacherous mind.
If they can respect physical differences, such as races, genders, heights, weights, limitations, even justify death, famine, poverty, illness as God's greatness, why can't they accept different ways of thinking as God's greatness as well? As it must be God himself who endows us with our logical capabilities, life experiences, etc.
They see everything as God's plan, then just let my way of thinking be God's plan as well.

If they pray that God will change the way I think or the way I perceive him, then they might start praying that he'll change my gender and race as well, just to be fair.

Signing this,
the bitter bitch

So come 2012

2011-12-26T06:25:00.012+01:00

I know so many people who were hurt and are afraid of getting hurt again.
I won't judge, since I can relate so well to them. Life hasn't exactly been disneyland-ish for me either but I personally think joy and sorrow always come together, just like shadow and light.

Lets talk about pain.
We human beings cant live alone, we'll always have people around us, people we love, who love us and they might be those who hurt us the deepest as well.
But if we think of it, sorrow will always be present in our lives. People will always hurt us, be it accidentally or purposedly, no matter how we shelter ourselves or hide, pain will always find us. We'll get hurt, we'll hurt people, people leave us, or the other way around, it's a never ending circle. Some think they have found everlasting happiness in their marriages, but some marriages don't last, and even if they do, it takes a lot of efforts. As you see, behind every light of joy, there's always the shadow of sorrow lurking behind. And in the end comes death. We will lose and leave.

So, now we know that pain and sadness are always there. There's no way out of this misery circle, so why won't we let ourselves be happy for a change? Open our hearts and take every little happiness life can offer. Every one of us deserves to be happy once in a while, don't we? We all had our fair share of swallowing bitter pills in life, why don't we take lollipops if we have the chance?

Those who'd been hurt badly would probably say,"I wont open my heart anymore, I prefer to stay in my grey zone, where I'm not happy but at least I wont be hurt that much"
Well, everybody has the right to choose how to live life. You might say I'm an ignorant donkey who falls twice in the same hole, but somehow my lust for life conquers my fear. And all I know is the ships that are safely anchored to the harbour are indeed shiny, unbattered by the storm, but they don't get to see the beauty and vastness of the oceans. And that's not what ships are built for.

I've had my fair share of pain, to which I finally broke down and hit rock bottom.
I used to think I was a supergirl. I refused to be beaten down, I refused to give up and I refused to cry. But things had been hard, and I got lost, I was broken and I've cried. In the end, I have to admit reluctantly, I am not a supergirl. I'm just another human being, just like my fellow human beings out there. It took me a while to finally admit to myself that I'm not as strong as I thought I was. But I promise myself this, I've learned my lessons and the bitterness of life won't beat down my hope and optimism. The secret is to live in the present. Not even the strongest man is strong enough to shoulder the luggage of the past and worry of the future.

Having learned my lesson now I know what I want.
I want to be more like a sea shore.
Observing and experiencing the high and low tide sweeping in and out
Enjoying and basking fully in the moment of high tide
Watching and letting go of the sea water ebbing away along the low tide
Those tides might have swept a number of my sands away,
but I know I'll never run out of sands of hope,
bracing myself for the next upcoming high and low tide.
So come, 2012, bring me what you have and I'll greet you with head hold up high and a smile on my face.

Her Christmas Wish

2011-12-24T07:42:00.000+01:00

I wish Santa Claus would send those people who think they're godsends all the way to North Pole, leaving us to struggle with our own dark nights of the soul by ourselves.
Yes, I'm talking about religious fanatics, evangelists, about people who believe the Holy Spirit has led them to success and wealth. Im talking about those who, buoyed by their own faith, claim privileged access to the divinity and appropriate God's name to justify their every action, including the act of boring others with sermons and maybe even irking the Almighty with their pestering.

Leave poor God alone, especially when it comes to your personal glory. Giving him all the credit is tantamount to hubris, and it belittles the Almighty, presenting him as a god that only cares for the winners.

Here's what I dont need in my life: anyone who's concerned with the state of my soul and salvation, assuring me that Jesus loves me and that only the Truth will set me free. Whether Jesus loves me or not is something I'm quite happy to leave to the Savior's good judgment, as is whether Santa Claus thinks I've been good or bad this year. I object to those wise guys who think it's ok to tell me what Jesus or God thinks or does, and lays claim to the Truth.

Source: The Jakarta Globe by Desi Anwar

Can't agree more on her opinion. I just wish those holy guys who know so well what God wants would finally start practicing love instead of pointing fingers and casting the first stone to people who they deem as more unholy than them. You guys do not get to decide whether or not I'll be burned eternally in hell. Just live and let live. And for a change, start being more tolerant and accepting, which I think is what Jesus himself had been teaching about : Love one another. And here I don't recall him saying anything about loving only your fellow holy neighbours who live up to your standards.

"I like your Christ, but I don't like your christians. Your christians are so unlike your Christ" -Gandhi

The almighty

2011-11-26T05:56:00.001+01:00

-Follow your heart but take your brain with you

opto ergo sum

2011-11-22T05:10:00.001+01:00

I choose therefore I am.

2011-10-25T10:37:00.001+02:00

2011-07-14T02:19:00.001+02:00

"I think art is the only thing that's spiritual in the world. And I refuse to forced to believe in other people's interpretations of God. I don't think anybody should be. No one person can own the copyright to what God means."
- Marilyn Manson

2011-07-14T02:14:00.002+02:00

- Sanity comes when you accept the fact that you don't have control over other people.

- Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass. It's about learning how to dance in the rain.

2011-07-14T02:12:00.002+02:00

Wenn es um Diät halten geht, bin ich sehr gläubig. Ich esse was ich will und bete dass ich abnehme.

When it comes to diet, I'm very religious. I eat what I want and pray that I lose weight.

A childish attraction

2011-06-13T00:43:00.001+02:00

Speaking about children, I went shopping with a few friends yesterday and out of sudden a blonde 5-year-old boy followed me everywhere in the store and held my hand.. His dad called him and even threatened to leave him there but he just didn't care and kept stalking me. Then I led him out of the store and handed him back to his dad but he pushed his dad away and ran back to me.
Me: "Look. Your dad misses you already."
He just shook his head and kept holding my hand until his dad decided to prise him away from me.. And boy, did he cry, struggling to reach me and kept waving his hand at me..
His innocent cuteness and honesty kinda touched me somehow.. :)

And if you think of it, how easy life was when we all were children, free to fall in love and express our feelings without any inhibitions nor boundaries.

Wie entscheidet man, wen man heiratet?

2011-06-10T00:29:00.001+02:00

Befragung von Kindern

WIE ENTSCHEIDET MAN, WEN MAN HEIRATET?

Man muss jemanden finden der die gleichen Sachen mag. Wenn du
gerne Fußball hast, muss sie auch mögen dass du gerne Fußball hast
und dann die Chips und das Bier bringen.
Alain, 10 Jahre

Man entscheidet nicht wirklich selbst, wen man heiratet. Gott
entscheidet dass für dich lange im voraus und dann wirst du sehen
wen er dir da an den Hals hängt.
Kirsten, 10 Jahre

WAS IST DAS RICHTIGE ALTER ZUM HEIRATEN?
Das beste Alter ist 23 weil du da deinen Ehemann schon mindestens
10 Jahre kennst.
Camille, 10 Jahre

Es gibt kein "bestes Alter" zum Heiraten. Man muss wirklich blöd
sein um heiraten zu wollen.
Freddie, 6 Jahre

WAS HABEN DEINE ELTERN GEMEINSAM?
Sie wollen keine weiteren Kinder mehr.
Aure, 8 Jahre

WAS MACHEN LEUTE WÄHREND EINES RENDEZVOUS?
Die Rendezvous sind da um sich zu amüsieren und die Leute sollten
diese Gelegenheit nutzen um sich besser kennen zu lernen. Sogar
die Jungs haben irgendetwas Interessantes zu sagen wenn man ihnen
lange genug zuhört.
Linette, 8 Jahre

Beim ersten Rendezvous sagen sie sich interessante Lügen, dadurch
sind sie dann bereit ein zweites Rendezvous zu haben.
Martin, 10 Jahre

WAS WÜRDEST DU MACHEN WENN DEIN ERSTES RENDEZVOUS VERPATZT WAR?
Ich würde nach Hause gehen und so tun als wäre ich tot. Und dann
würde ich die Zeitungen anrufen und eine Todesanzeige abdrucken
lassen.
Craig, 9 Jahre

WANN DARF MAN JEMANDEN KÜSSEN?
Wenn sie reiche Männer sind.
Pamela, 7 Jahre

Wenn du eine Frau küsst musst du sie heiraten und mit ihr Kinder
haben. So ist das eben.
Henri, 8 Jahre

IST ES BESSER LEDIG ODER VERHEIRATET ZU SEIN?
Ich weiss nicht was besser ist, aber ich würde nie mit meiner Frau
Liebe machen. Ich möchte nicht das sie fett wird.
Théodore, 8 Jahre

Für die Mädchen ist es besser ledig zu bleiben. Aber die Jungs
brauchen jemanden zum Putzen....
Anita, 9 Jahre

WAS MUSS MAN TUN DAMIT DIE EHE EIN ERFOLG IST?

Man muss der Frau sagen das sie schön ist, auch wenn sie aussieht
wie ein Lastwagen.
Richard, 10 Jahre

2011-06-10T00:21:00.004+02:00

Wrong investment apparently?

A 5000 Euro camera does indeed make everything look good, a standard looking girl incl. I guess I should've invested in a good/expensive camera instead of make up and clothes.

A matter of faith

2011-06-03T22:44:00.008+02:00

A preacher once said that it is very important to stay in a community where people can strengthen each other's faith, where one can find support from other people who share a same view as it is written that a person who wanders alone will search for his own truth. A personal one instead of an absolute one. My question to this statement is: Is there an absolute truth? Which truth is defined as the real one, and based on what? The Bible apparently?

In my opinion, such statement is an attempt of a dogmatic brainwashing through power of majority, social opression, as we human beings are social animals and tend to be easily influenced by majority's voices and repitition of indoctrination. I think every one of us has experienced this at least once, suppose we don't like a song the first time we heard it, but your friend kept playing it for you, after some times of listening to the same song over and over again, we probably would start finding the song ok-ish, and after longer time, even unconsciously humming it.

If you're a lonewolf and keeping your distance, then you wouldn't be brainwashed so easily. I think this is probably what the community's afraid of. Difference, opposition, prospect of another truth being revealed. Funny how strongly communal brainwash and indoctrination can work. Have you ever wondered why a Christian always sees a divine revelation of Christ or Mother Mary but never of Krishna? And the other way around? The eyes always see what the heart wants to see.

Speaking about those lonewolves who search for their own truth, all those preachers out there should be grateful instead of criticizing them because without these 'lost lambs' you would still live in a dark age where there's no electricity, no printing devices to print those holy books of yours. Be thankful that Copernicus had taken the hard way of pursuing his personal truth instead of the biblical 'absolute' truth.

I think this is respect.

Not some forced 'it's a matter of faith/let there be this and that' nonsense which leaves no room for questions and free thinking.

I think being religious without the ability to think rationally forces the brain to release some chemicals which emotional effect is somewhat similar to a person falling blindly in love and, without even realizing it, being in an abusive relationship. No matter how the partner abuses us, we will always find some romantic justifications to tell ourselves that we're happy and content. Everything is squeezed to fit in the picture, and if it's not possible to squeeze in a logical explanation then it'll be dismissed and regarded as blasphemy or God's divine plan which isnt ours to see. Or to conclude in one sentence "It is a matter of faith".

"I do not feel obliged that the same God who has endowed us with sense, reason and intellect has intended us to forgo their use." -Galileo Galilei

True spirituality

2011-06-02T23:44:00.002+02:00

Kapan kita akan bertanggung jawab untuk hari esok, apabila dalam benak kita masih digelayuti hantu2 irrasionalitas dan emosionalitas dalam berkeyakinan?

Ingat bahwa spiritualitas sebenar-benarnya tidak memaksudkan manusia melihat apa yang ada di seberang sana – di alam sesudah kematian, namun mencari makna terdalam dari kehadiran kita kini dan di sini, dalam ruang dan waktu ini, dalam kehidupan yang hanya sekali saja.

Spiritualitas sejati bukan tentang romantisme psikologis tentang kebenaran agama2 tertentu, bukan pula suatu bentuk pelarian kekanak-kanakan dari penderitaan hidup. Bukan pula tentang kesaksian pengalaman Out Of Body Experience, yang bisa saja hanyalah katarsis dari si pikiran.

Spiritualitas sejati adalah perjalanan rohani dan intelektualitas dalam memaknai hidup ini, kini dan di sini, yang menyadarkan akan keterhubungan kita dengan sesama, dengan alam, dengan kehidupan, dengan misteri dari kesegalaan ini.

By: Aajin sang Musafir

My humble translation:

When are we going to be able to take responsibility of the future if the mind is still burdened by religious irrationality and emotion?

True spirituality doesn't intend for a human being to see what is beyond -the after death realm- but for us to search for the deepest meaning of our present existence, in this space and time, in this one life.

True spirituality isnt about psychological romantism of some religion's truth, isnt about immature distraction or escape from life's misery. And not about testament of an out of body experience, which could merely be a brain catharsis.

True spirituality is an intellectual and spiritual journey in signifying this life, here and now, to recognize our connections with other human beings, nature, life and the mystery of this whole entity.

Freedom

2011-05-30T10:43:00.006+02:00

Why do we care so much about what others say and think about us?
Why do we have to be on a positive pedestal in other people's eyes?
Can't we approve ourselves that we always have to expect approval from others?
Why do we let people define who or what we are, and what is worse is that we believe their definition of us?
Why do we sacrifice our own inner peace and happiness just to impress people who don't even matter?

Are we afraid to be chastised if we dont take the well trodden path? Are we reluctant to leave our comfort zones where there's power of majority and it's difficult to be a minor?

A friend got an invitation to an insignificant meeting in her religious community. She resents these meetings as she thinks of those as a waste of time. The meetings have no point whatsoever and afterwards she always feels depressed. But everytime she gets the invitation, she attends the meetings, which kinda puzzles me..

Me: Why do you still attend if you despise such meetings?
Her: Because I don't want to cause any havoc. If I didn't come, then the other people would start asking where I was, why I didn't come, etc. You know how they would judge..
Me: It is an invitation, which means attendance is optional right? And who gives them the right to question you where you were? Just tell them to mind their own business. They're not your parents, and you guys aren't that close either. And no matter how they judge you, you won't lose a feather either..
Her: A little sacrifice of attending isn't that harmful if I can avoid any complicated inconveniences.
Me: Ok.

At this point I shut my big mouth, but still I couldn't stop wondering why she had to do that. Sacrificing her own peace of mind only to avoid negative opinions of her fellow church goers, who're not important to her either. This pattern has been going for years. Why doesn't she want to break the chain? I know for sure that she feels really downcast because of those ungrounded questionings and judgments. Why doesn't she just leave the community?

Is it because she's afraid of the prospect of having to meet new people and new environment? Because there's some emotional security in the familiarity of her current community?

I can't really relate with her in this case as I love getting to know new people and I'm always craving for variety in life, trying out new things, challenging my own limit. We only live once and we have to make the best of it, enriching ourselves with new experiences etc and we shouldn't waste our time being afraid of what other people think of us, those who don't even matter.

As for me, maybe it's easier for me to not give a dam* about what others think of me. People always stare at me, even if I do nothing.. and who knows what they're thinking. And a stare is surely not a sign of a positive impression, is it? I used to care and I was down. "What's wrong with me? Why do people stare? Is this or that wrong? What're they thinking about me? Etc.."

But at one point of my life, I stopped caring. Either I do something or nothing, people stare, so why don't I do something then? ;) Sometimes I don't even know them, they do not have any influences in my life whatsoever and I mind what they think? How stupid am I?
And I started telling myself, this is me and my life. What they think is their own business, and what I do is my own responsibility. I can't please everybody, people will always be afraid of differences in life, I refuse to ease their fear and I won't waste my energy to please those who're not even important. No one can define me but myself and I won't place my happiness in other people's hands.

Someone used to ask me the definition of freedom.
For me, freedom means self acceptance and the courage to be different.

I think at that point where I stopped caring about people's opinions, I learned to accept myself, the fact that I'm different and I was getting more in line with the inner me. Or maybe it's the other way around? Once I embraced my fortes and flaws, I stopped feeling dejected by external opinions.
I'm still a long way from self enlightenment or awareness or whatever term people use, but at least I can say that now I'm happy with who I am and it is indeed liberating to be able to express myself without having to worry about what people (who don't matter) think.
Of course we all should bear in mind that too much is never good, which means I ,too, still have to strive after balance. (Note: I do listen to those I love..)

I never said it's easy to achieve my personal freedom, especially if we live in a small and homogenous community, but courage is all it takes. Courage to be different, courage to break the chains, courage to leave your comfort zones and venture out there, courage to spread your wings and embracing the possibility of falling. We shouldn't let our fear hinders us to go the distance.
(AMEN. *I may almost add :p)

---------------------------------------------------

And I'll sing the blues if I want

Menggugat Tuhan 4

2011-05-28T11:48:00.002+02:00

7. Kebenaran Alkitab

Darimana kita tahu bahwa semua yang tertulis didalam Alkitab ini absolut benar? Tidak pernah ada klaim bahwa Alkitab jatuh dari langit dan ditulis oleh tangan Tuhan sendiri bukan? Tidak seperti Alquran atau tablet Musa (10 perintah Allah) yang katanya diturunkan langsung olehNya. Sedangkan the Holy Bible adalah sebuah produk dari perkembangan zaman dan konsili gereja Katolik, dimana mereka mengedit dan memutuskan Kanon apa saja yang akan dimasukkan kedalam Perjanjian Baru. Dan gospel itu sendiri ditulis oleh banyak orang, rasul, manusia dengan memasukkan persepsi dan interpretasi mereka sendiri, dan jangan lupakan bahwa terjemahan bahasa juga akan merubah sedikit banyak arti kalimat. Bayangkan betapa panjangnya proses translasi yang dilalui sebuah Alkitab bahasa Indonesia. Dari bahasa asli Aramaic ke Yunani ke Latin ke Jerman oleh Martin Luther dan seterusnya. Dan seorang penerjemah juga memiliki peran yang sangat penting. Bila Martin Luther memisinterpretasi beberapa ayat, bukankah ini akan menjadi efek bola salju yang ikut mempengaruhi kredibilitas Bible modern?

Jadi apakah kebenaran Bible itu absolut? Belum tentu menurutku. Jika kita mempertimbangkan faktor sosial, pendidikan pada zaman itu, dimana sebagai contoh, seorang wanita masih dipandang inferior, apakah ini bisa diterapkan di zaman modern ini? Salah satu perintah Allah menurut Musa. "Jangan menginginkan milik tetanggamu, harta kekayaan, istri, ternak." Disini istri dikategorikan sebagai barang kepemilikan sama seperti hewan ternak. Aku tidak akan mengutuk pasal ini, tidak juga merasa teriritasi. Ini dapat dimengerti, karena mereka hidup di zaman yang berbeda. Tapi apakah ini bisa dipraktekkan sekarang ini?
Oleh karena ini aku tidak terlalu mengerti bahwa banyak orang Kristen yang aku kenal yang mempondasikan hidup mereka pada Alkitab, semua diambil secara literal. Tahu darimana mereka bahwa semua itu pasti benar? Lebih parahnya lagi bila digabungkan dengan persepsi fanatik atau twisted dari masing-masing pribadi.

Aku selalu merasa sedih jika mendengar mereka bilang, jauhilah orang-orang yang sesat karena tercatat di Buku Suci (dan aku kutip) "Pergaulan yang buruk merusak kebiasaan yang baik". Ayat ini kemudian dijadikan pondasi untuk mengadili orang lain, merasa diri mereka sendiri epitom dari kebaikan. Sedangkan aku merasa lebih tenang bila melihat dari sisi cerita Yesus makan bersama Zakheus si pemungut cukai. Bukankah ini sudah kontradiktif? Yah jangan dengarkan aku, mungkin aku hanyalah seorang pendosa yang tidak suka dihakimi.

Aku bertanya pada seorang Kristen yang aku hormati, darimana dia tahu bahwa kebenaran kitab ini absolut. Dia menjawab bahwa dalam setiap masalah yang ia hadapi dalam hidup, selalu ada jawaban relevan yang dapat ia temukan disana.

Jawaban ini tidak cukup memuaskan bagiku. Menurutku jelas akan selalu ada relevansi jika kita sengaja mencari-cari. Tidak usah kita bicara Bible yang terdiri dari berpuluh-puluh Kanon, beribu-ribu halaman. Dalam sebuah lirik lagu yang mungkin hanya berbelas baris saja kita bisa menemukan relevansi ke hidup kita. Misalnya saat aku patah hati, lalu tiba-tiba aku dengar lagu I Will Survive di radio, ah, relevan sekali. Apakah boleh juga itu kuanggap divine revelation? Eh, sesudah itu kudengar lagu Everytimenya Britney, eh relevan juga ya?

Sebagai perbandingan lain: ramalan Nostradamus.
Ingat kejadian Twin Tower 9/11? Orang-orang sibuk mencari penjelasan dan relevansi.
"At forty-five degrees the sky will burn, Fire to approach the great new city: In an instant a great scattered flame will leap up"
Banyak yang menginterpretasikan ini sebagai 9/11 karena New York terletak kurang lebih di 45 derajat equator. Pendapatku? ah defisiensi logik.

Menurutku poinnya disini adalah bahwa cara penulisan yang tidak gamblang dan eksplisit akan membuka ruang untuk interpretasi dan fantasi personal. Absolutismus? Tidak.

8. Pengorbanan tertinggi Yesus

Konon saat kita lahir kita sudah terikat hukum Taurat. Yang berarti semua ditimbang dengan neraca. Tapi karena kita manusia berdosa, timbangan kita tidak akan plus, oleh karena itu diutuslah Yesus datang ke dunia untuk mem-plus-kan timbangan kita dihadapan sang hakim agung.

Aku koq garuk-garuk kepala ya? Bukan aku koq yang mau diikat dengan hukum Taurat? Siapakah yang melegitimasi hukum ini? Tuhan sendiri.. Lalu apakah sekarang Ia menyesal karena hukumNya ini terlalu berat, lalu Ia mengutus sang Anak untuk menebusku? Ya bukan urusanku.. Itu inkonsistensi pemerintah, aku hanya seorang reluctant tax payer di negara yang memaksa memajaki aku.

Ibaratnya ibuku keras terhadapku. Bila aku salah aku dipukuli, kemudian suatu saat mungkin ibuku menyesal atau kasihan, lalu diberikannya aku sebuah mobil. Oh, terima kasih. Tapi ia mengharapkan aku untuk menyembah mobil ini, membersihkannya setiap hari, dan jika aku lupa isi bensin, aku akan dihukum lagi, mungkin bahkan lebih berat. Katanya,"Kamu sudah dikasih mobil, isi bensin doank apa susahnya sih? Kalo kamu ga isi bensin, kamu bukan anak mama lagi." Hm, ini hanya menambah bebanku rasanya. Mending ga usah deh.. Aku juga tidak pernah minta mobil koq.. Toh dari pertama aku tidak punya hak untuk protes juga saat dipukuli. Kekuasaan mamaku absolut, tapi saat ia inkosisten, tidaklah lucu bahwa ia mengharapkan bahwa aku menerima perubahan dan melupakan semua pukulannya dengan senyum diwajah.

Saat aku join komsel, semua orang yang ada disitu menangis saat leader komsel menceritakan sebuah kisah sedih.
Suatu hari seorang penjaga rel kereta api membawa anaknya pergi bekerja bersamanya. Anak satu-satunya ini bermain-main di bawah rel. Dari kejauhan datang sebuah kereta api berisi ratusan orang. Bapak penjaga rel sekarang dihadapkan dengan dilema fatal dimana ia harus memutuskan untuk menurunkan rel dan mengorbankan anaknya untuk terjepit rel atau tidak menurunkan rel yang berarti anaknya akan selamat, tapi kereta itu akan terlempar jalur dan mengorbankan nyawa ratusan orang di kereta tersebut. Akhirnya dengan hati yang teramat sakit, bapak ini menurunkan rel dan membiarkan anaknya mati terlindas kereta untuk menyelamatkan nyawa ratusan orang didalam kereta.

Kemudian si leader komsel berkata,"Bayangkan, betapa sakitnya Bapa saat harus mengorbankan anak satu-satuNya untuk menyelamatkan manusia. Dan betapa tidak tahu diuntungnya manusia dalam kereta itu jika mereka masih tidak tahu berterima kasih kepada si bapak penjaga rel."

Ya, disini saya persilakan Anda untuk melempari saya dengan batu. Saya, the cold-hearted bitter bitch.

Saya tidak menangis. Saya malah berpikir:
1. Si bapak tidak seharusnya membiarkan anaknya bermain di rel. Itu memang sudah tugas dan tanggung jawabnya untuk memastikan keselamatan penumpang kereta.
Tapi saya tidak memungkiri bahwa manusia melakukan kesalahan dan saya tidak mengecilkan arti kesedihan si bapak penjaga rel. Banyak terima kasih kepada bapak rel untuk pengorbananannya. Enough said. Saya tidak ingin mengelaborasi disini.

2. Analogi ini tidak tepat sama sekali.
Kesedihan bapak penjaga rel TIDAK sama dengan kesedihan Tuhan. IF/KALAU/JIKA si bapak rel bisa membangkitkan anaknya lagi, atau sudah tahu bahwa anaknya akan hidup lagi dalam tiga hari, ia tidak akan begitu sedih dan sakit hati. Mungkin ia akan duduk-duduk minum kopi sambil membaca koran, sambil menunggu hari ketiga saat anaknya bangun lagi. Ya mungkin ada rasa cemas, sedih karena anaknya harus kesakitan. Tapi kalau aku dihadapkan dalam situasi ini, aku tidak akan sedih pake banget.

Disini aku jadi merasa Tuhan koq kayak sutradara puppet show ya? Dramatis melebihi korean drama malahan.. Dan kita penonton yang bodoh, diaduk-aduk emosinya.

-----------------------------------------------
Konklusi akhir: Persepsiku tentang Tuhan berbeda dari mereka the religious church-goers.
Tuhan itu maha canda,
(tapi tidak berarti maha baik dan maha konsisten)

"I refuse to be forced to believe in other people's interpretations of God. I don't think anybody should be. No one person can own the copyright to what God means.” -Marilyn Manson

2011-05-27T22:41:00.000+02:00

Menggugat Tuhan 3

2011-05-25T11:21:00.000+02:00

5. Tentang pilihan bebas.

Selalu dikatakan bahwa aku memiliki pilihan bebas untuk memutuskan apakah aku mau menerima dan percaya. Jika aku percaya maka aku akan selamat. Jika tidak?
Saat aku dilahirkan, apakah aku diberi pilihan bebas untuk memilih apakah aku memang mau lahir atau tidak? Atau dimanakah aku ingin hidup, di keluarga macam apa? Rasanya tidak. Aku dipaksa untuk menerima.

Lalu saat things get harder, aku diberi pilihan bebas? Mengapa tidak ada yang memaksa aku untuk percaya? Aku ingin dipaksa, seperti aku dipaksa untuk menerima pemberian hidup. Alangkah tidak adilnya saat aku harus membuat keputusan sulit yang berhubungan dengan keselamatanku, aku diberi pilihan. Sedangkan saat tidak ada yang dipertaruhkan, aku tidak diberi pilihan. Ini anomali.

6. Tentang memaafkan

Kita diajar untuk selalu memaafkan. 7 kali 77 kali. Ini konsep yang amat baik. Terima kasih. Tapi mari kita lihat siapa yang mengajarkan konsep ini? Sesosok yang menghukum Adam dan Hawa untuk selamanya karena satu kesalahan (memakan buah dari pohon pengetahuan)? Dimanakah forgiveness? Yang menurutku pun sebenarnya bukan sepenuhnya kesalahan mereka. Ibaratkan seorang ibu yang memberitahu anak-anaknya untuk tidak memegang pisau, tetapi sebilah pisau diletakkan dalam jangkauan tangan anaknya. Menurutku kondisi mental Adam dan Hawa bagaikan anak kecil yang belum tahu apa-apa, dan anak kecil biasanya punya rasa keingintahuan yang sangat besar. Ini seharusnya disadari oleh semua orang tua, bila mereka tidak ingin anaknya teriris pisau, maka seharusnya pisau itu disembunyikan. Bukan malah dipajang didepan mata.

Jika jawaban Anda adalah bahwa Tuhan hendak memberikan pilihan bebas kepada Adam dan Hawa, tidak seperti robot yang hanya diprogram, maka mari kita kembali ke poin kelima. Mereka tidak bebas memilih apakah mereka ingin diciptakan, juga tidak bebas memilih jenis kelamin mereka, maka mengapa tiba-tiba diberikan pilihan bebas ketika banyak yang harus dipertaruhkan?

Menggugat Tuhan 2

2011-05-12T16:36:00.000+02:00

3. Tentang panggilan

Waktu aku join Komsel, ada yang bilang,"Aku berasal dari keluarga non kristen, tapi tiba tiba aku merasa terpanggil oleh Tuhan, dan aku minta orang tuaku mengantarku ke gereja. Sejak itu aku percaya." Which got me into thinking, benarkah ada panggilan? Atau itu indoktrinasi? Dia bersekolah di sekolah kristen/katolik. Selama bertahun-tahun ada pendidikan wajib agama kristen. Jadi mungkin juga 'panggilan' itu berasal dari brainwashing bukan?

Ada seorang teman religius yang berargumen bahwa itu benar sebuah panggilan. Karena dari sekian banyak anak-anak yang bersekolah di sekolah kristen, tidak semuanya terbrainwashed. Menurutku itu wajar saja, karena memang tidak semua karakter manusia itu sama. Ada yang restless dan mencari arti hidup atau memang lebih perseptif, ada juga yang lebih pragmatis, hidup hanya untuk survival. Yang penting makan enak tidur enak. Argumen ini tidak cukup kuat untuk mematahkan teori indoktrinasiku.

Bila memang benar ada 'panggilan' kristiani, mengapa hanya orang-orang yang terekspos dengan agama tertentu ini yang terpanggil? Mengapa para militan Taliban tidak merasa terpanggil? Atau mengapa anak-anak Rusia yang sejak kecil dilatih menjadi agen KGB juga tidak merasakan panggilan ini?

Lebih ekstrim lagi, anak yang dibesarkan di komunitas serigala misalnya, mengapa mereka tidak dipanggil?
Bukankah panggilan itu dari hati nurani, seharusnya tidak terikat oleh logika dan faktor-faktor eksternal lainnya? Aku yakin bahwa anak-anak Taliban, KGB, dll ini punya hati nurani, tetapi karena mereka diindoktrinasi oleh komunitas dimana mereka tumbuh, mereka mempunyai konsep kebenaran yang berbeda. Jadi pertanyaanku sekali lagi, mengapa panggilan yang seharusnya universal ini menjadi lebih tergantung dari faktor lingkungan, pendidikan dan geografis?

4. "Segala yang baik berasal dari Tuhan"

Menurut pak pendeta, manusia mempunya subconscience/alam bawah sadar yang delapan kali lebih kuat daripada kesadaran kita. Contoh manifestasinya, banyak orang gagal karena di alam bawah sadar mereka, mereka sudah memberi label diri bahwa mereka tidak akan sukses. Tidak peduli bagaimanapun kerasnya mereka berusaha, alam bawah sadar akan selalu menang.

Aku tidak percaya ini. Aku selalu percaya bahwa mind power dapat mengalahkan suara-suara miring dari dalam diri. Bahasa lainnya hipnotis diri. Yang kita perlukan adalah awareness. Misalnya saat kita marah, jika kita sadar/aware bahwa kemarahan itu merugikan diri kita sendiri, maka kita akan bisa memprogram otak dan kesadaran kita untuk let go kemarahan itu.

Pak pendeta memberi contoh, anak-anak yang dibesarkan dalam keluarga yang selalu mengkritik akan mempunyai self image negatif tentang diri mereka (baca: alam bawah sadar yang negatif). Aku juga dibesarkan dalam keluarga yang komparatif dan tidak pernah puas. Jika menuruti teori pak pendeta, maka aku akan menjadi seseorang yang minder dan tidak percaya diri, mungkin bahkan gagal. Tetapi karena aku banyak membaca dan percaya pada mind power, aku bisa secara repetitif berkata pada diriku sendiri bahwa aku berharga dan aku berhasil. Memang butuh waktu untuk mencapai titik dimana aku berada sekarang. Tapi aku bisa dengan sangat yakin mematahkan teori bahwa alam sadar tidak mungkin mengalahkan alam bawah sadar. Ya memang ada saat-saatnya alam bawah sadar akan mengambil alih, tapi jika kita terus menerus melatih awareness pikiran kita, tidak ada yang mustahil.

Hubungannya Tuhan dengan alam bawah sadar?
Katanya jika kita menerima Tuhan dalam hidup kita, maka Tuhan akan mengubah alam bawah sadar kita dan itu akan memudahkan kita untuk melakukan segala sesuatu yang positif. Misalnya, bila seorang perokok menerima Tuhan dalam hatinya, subconsciencenya akan diubah sehingga ia bahkan tidak mempunya keinginan untuk merokok lagi. Tidak perlu ada mind struggle disini.

Kataku? Aku tidak percaya. titik. Ayah temanku seorang perokok berat selama puluhan tahun, bukan orang percaya, dan beliau bisa berhenti merokok dalam satu hari. Tidak perlu perubahan alam bawah sadar jika seseorang mempunyai awareness dan mind power yang kuat. Aku malahan merasa bahwa kepercayaan ini sebuah excuse (apa sih bahasa indonesianya)untuk orang-orang lemah yang butuh motivasi eksternal. Orang-orang yang tidak sanggup memotivasi dirinya sendiri dari dalam.

Aku terdengar makin keras? Ya. Dan gugatanku belum selesai.

Menggugat Tuhan

2011-05-10T09:14:00.004+02:00

1. Tentang Limit/batas pegas

Kita selalu mempersonifikasi Tuhan sebagai bapak yang baik. Ijinkan aku menggugat. Menurutku ada dua kalimat yang kontradiktif. Dalam doa Bapa Kami, ada baris yang berbunyi Jadilah kehendakMu. Dalam Matius 7:7: "Mintalah, maka akan diberikan kepadamu; carilah, maka kamu akan mendapat; ketuklah, maka pintu akan dibukakan bagimu.

Rasanya ini tidak komplit. Alangkah lebih baiknya jika ditulis: Mintalah maka akan diberikan kepadamu (jika Aku berkenan).

Kilas balik singkat. Saat aku kecil, aku meminta sesuatu dengan sepenuh hati kepada Tuhan, terus menerus. Tidak dikabulkan. Tidak masalah, terus bersyukur dan meminta. Tetap tidak dikabulkan. Kenapa? Ada yang berkata padaku,"Ini masalah hubungan. Orang tua mana yang mau anaknya hanya meminta tanpa mencintai balik? Kamu hanya meminta, seperti sebuah hubungan dagang" Aku menjawab,"Saat itu aku tidak hanya meminta, aku pun bercerita dan mencinta. Aku hanya sesosok anak kecil berusia 7 tahun, tidak mengerti konsep hubungan dagang. Mungkin sekarang, tapi dahulu, tidak. Dan orang tua macam apa yang mengharapkan cinta timbal balik dari anaknya yang masih bayi? Bukankah seharusnya kamu menyusui anak bayimu tanpa pamrih, tanpa mengharap dia mencintai kamu dulu."

Sampai aku melewati sebuah titik dimana aku menjadi apatis. Terjadilah kehendakNya tanpa aku perlu meminta lagi.

Mari bermain metafora.
Aku sebagai anak ayahku meminta sebuah handphone seri terbaru. Oleh ayahku diberilah aku sebuah walkie talkie. Karena dia berpendapat aku hanya butuh walkie talkie. Benar. Dan kamu mungkin akan bilang,"Udah syukur dikasih." Tidak salah. Disini aku belajar mensyukuri dan make do dengan apa yang aku punya. Terima kasih. Beberapa tahun lagi aku minta mobil BMW X5, karena aku tahu ayahku kaya. Diberinya aku sepeda ontel. Ya sudah, udah syukur bisa menggelinding. Terima kasih.

Aku minta laptop, disuruhnya aku bekerja part time. Ok, terima kasih sudah mengajarkan arti uang. Tapi setiap manusia punya batas, point of no return. Ada pegas yang bila ditekan terus akan melenting. Aku didorong dan ditekan sampai pada titik dimana aku berpikir aku akan bekerja sendiri untuk beli laptop, mobil dan handphone yang aku mau. Dan saat aku sudah earn uangku sendiri, aku tidak akan minta lagi dari ayahku. Aku tidak akan menuduh bahwa ayahku bukan ayah yang baik. Dia ayah yang unik, mengajarkanku tentang arti kerja keras. Tapi dia juga memaksaku untuk jadi seseorang yang mandiri. Dan karena cara didiknya yang keras, aku tidak akan dekat dan meminta lagi. Bila ayahku kenal aku dan ingin aku bermanja kepadanya, dia seharusnya tahu limit dan point of no returnku.

Analogi lainnya. Aku sekolah di luar negeri. Saat aku butuh uang dan menelpon ayahku yang kaya, aku tidak pernah dikirimi uang. Jangan salahkan aku jika setelah aku bekerja keras dan sanggup memenuhi kebutuhanku sendiri, aku tidak lagi meminta kepada ayah.
Aku tidak benci ayahku. Aku tahu dia punya reasonnya sendiri. Tapi ayahku juga tidak bisa berharap bahwa aku akan meminta dan mengetuk pintunya lagi. Seorang ayah yang mengerti anaknya luar dalam akan tahu batas pegas anaknya.

2. Tentang otoritas

Rakyat tidak akan punya hubungan yang hangat dengan pemerintah otoriter.

"Terjadilah kehendakMu" ini bukti dari otoritas dan kewenangan Tuhan. Dan sangat banyak misteri yang disembunyikan Tuhan dari kita manusia, terbukti dari banyaknya pertanyaanku yang belum terjawab. Sebuah hubungan yang sehat terbentuk dari cinta dan komunikasi. Apakah memang ini yang Tuhan mau? Sebuah hubungan yang terbentuk karena submission dan ketakutan akan otoritas?

atau cinta seperti yang diberikan seorang anak kecil kepada orang tuanya? Cinta yang ada karena selalu disirami kasih sayang dan perasaan terlindungi. Tapi setiap anak yang terlindungi pun akan tumbuh dewasa, akan bertanya,"Kenapa?". Apalagi seorang anak yang dibesarkan dengan didikan keras. How to stop a child from growing up? Dan seiring dengan perkembangan, akan ada waktu untuk komunikasi antar dua pihak dewasa. Disini aku merasakan tekanan otoritas Tuhan. Aku boleh tumbuh dewasa tapi aku tetap diberikan pakaian bayi. Jika memang Tuhan suka aku sebagai sesosok bayi, then just stop me from growing up. Bukankah Tuhan omnipoten? Jika Ia ingin aku bertumbuh, maka tolong sediakanlah pakaian seorang dewasa untukku. Definisi cinta setiap manusia berbeda. Untukku cinta dua orang dewasa bisa lebih indah daripada cinta seorang anak karena mereka mencinta melalui pergumulan hati, dialog, pengenalan, penerimaan, kedewasaan, bukan hanya taking things for granted.

Ibaratnya aku sebagai anak bertanya,"Mama, kenapa langit itu biru? Kenapa 1+1=2? Kenapa turun hujan?" Mamaku hanya menjawab,"Hus, anak kecil tidak perlu tahu. Belum waktunya" Lalu kapan waktunya? why didn't u even try? Ada anak-anak lain yang puas dengan jawaban itu dan berpikir,"Yah, mungkin aku memang masih kecil. Tidak perlu tahu kenapa langit itu biru. Mama benar." Tapi tidak demikiannya dengan aku. Dengan karakterku, aku akan mencari tahu, entah darimana. Bila aku tidak lagi berkomunikasi dan bertanya pada mama yang otoriter dan selalu menganggap aku anak kecil, sedihnya jika itu salahku juga. Bukankah anak adalah produk orang tua?

Subordinasi ke otoritas, mungkin bisa.
Tapi komunikasi? lain cerita.

Perempuan di titik nol

2011-05-10T08:33:00.009+02:00

Ini sebuah labirin sesat.
Aku berputar terpilin ditempat.
Aku lelah di dunia berantah.
kembali ke titik awal, menyerah.

Entah karena kebanyakan nganggur atau pengaruh lingkungan, beberapa bulan terakhir ini aku mencari Tuhan dan dengan natureku yang curious dan kritis (baca: skeptis) aku jadi banyak bertanya. Belakangan aku banyak bergaul dengan orang-orang kristen karismatik. Saat kebaktian mereka fiery, ekspresif scr emosi, mereka melompat, menari, penuh roh (keliatannya). Lah, aku cuma bisa bengong. Koq mereka doank sih yang bisa? aku juga mau donk. Seru tuh kayaknya. Aku pikir aku bisa menemukan Tuhan disini, jadi aku ikut kegiatan2 mereka. Aduh mak, sibuk deh. Ada doa malam, doa pagi, komunitas sel (kumpul2 rohani intinya), kebaktian, dll. Empat hari dalam seminggu ada kegiatan, belum lagi ada kelompok2 pribadi yang bikin acara baca alkitab tiap hari, persekutuan doa tiap malam, dll.

Setelah beberapa waktu aku menyerah. Aku butuh waktu untuk hidup. Sebut aku judgmental, hedonis, terserah, tapi just do yourself a favor. Try to live, people. Sulit bagiku untuk menerima konsep bahwa aku harus menutup diri dari segala 'keduniaan' (ini bahasa mereka) untuk mencapai keselamatan kekal. Lah, untuk apa aku ada di dunia kalau aku ga boleh make the best out of my life here?

Kalau menurut pendeta mereka, hidup di dunia ini cuma transit. Ibaratnya kita naik pesawat dari Jerman ke Indonesia, transit di Qatar. Yang kita pikirin pasti ntar di Indonesia kita ngapain aja ya, makan apa ya. Bukan pas di Qatarnya. Lah? Aku mikir: daripada nangis kangen dan sibuk mikirin Indonesia pas transit, mendingan dinikmati dulu keberadaan kita di Qatar. Kita berbeda. titik. Aku lebih menganut prinsip living for the moment. Present. Sedangkan mereka lebih berorientasi ke masa depan.

Mungkin mereka ada benarnya, aku harus nabung untuk hari tua. Dan mereka juga harus belajar untuk foya foya dikit. Ibaratnya udah tajir melintir koq masih tinggal di gubuk. Life is short loh, ntar kalo udah tua, udah ga sempet ngebut pake Ferrari. Sayang kan? Intinya mereka dan aku sama2 harus achieve balance.

Hatiku selalu miris ketika pendeta setempat memperkuat konsep dikotomi. Manusia dikotak-kotakkan dan diberi judul. 'Duniawi' dan 'Rohani'. Yang jahat itu godaan dari setan. Yah terserah lah itu urusan mereka, tapi yang lebih miris lagi adalah ketika si pendeta mendikotomi agama. Menyerang, degradasi. Menyebut penganut agama tertentu kafir, penganut agama lain tidak punya damai sejahtera. Tidak cukupkah Anda merinci dan merunut keunggulan Anda sendiri, haruskah Anda menginjak orang lain untuk meninggikan diri? Maaf Pak, tapi dimataku, itu sindrom inferioritas. Mungkin Anda sendiri tidak yakin dengan keunggulan Anda, oleh karena itu Anda membandingkan secara sepihak.

Satu hal lagi yang aku susah terima. Mereka selalu menitikberatkan di persekutuan dan hubungan personal yang deket sama Tuhan. Nempel kalo perlu. Doa, baca alkitab, merenungi firman Tuhan. Nothing wrong koq dengan itu. Tapi yang mereka urusin ya selalu hubungan vertikal. Giliran hubungan horizontal dengan sesama, nol besar. Beneran deh, aku disitu ga ngeliat persaudaraan dan cinta kasih antar sesama. Yang aku liat lebih saling menghakimi, saling menjatuhkan, gosip kanan kiri, hipokrisi. Aku ya ga ngerti, katanya hukum dasar kristiani itu cinta kasih terhadap sesama. Mungkin karena aku hedonis,sekuler dan duniawi, aku mikir, kasih sesama lebih penting daripada hubungan vertikal -- aku ga bilang aku bener loh.

Sebagai analogi (catatan: tidak ada dikotomi agama disini, aku tidak mengdegradasi agama apapun). Taliban itu hubungan vertikalnya kuat banget deh, ga pernah lupa sholat, hafal bener sama ayat2 suci, nerapin hukum syariah. Tapi mereka nebarin teror dan ketakutan ke sesama manusia. Bandingin sama Gandhi, yang melawan kekerasan militer dengan kelembutan. Ga pernah Gandhi ngomong tentang Tuhan, (aku bahkan ga tau kalau Gandhi punya Tuhan personal) tapi betapa besarnya yang udah dia kasih ke dunia.
Mother Teresa, seberapa sering sih dia disorot lagi berdoa atau baca alkitab? Waktu beliau lebih banyak dipakai untuk nolong orang sakit dan miskin. That's what we call LEGACY, VERMÄCHTNIS. Ga cuma pepesan kosong. Ga perlu ngomong koar koar tentang hubungan sama Tuhan, kita udah bisa lihat kalau dia bener bener menerapkan Tuhan dalam hidupnya.

Aku sih jujur tidak hafal Alkitab. Tapi coba kita pikir, teladan kristiani itu Yesus kan, Dia pondasi dasar doktrin ini. Berapa banyak injil menulis tentang pelayanan Yesus ke sesama? Bandingkan dengan jumlah ayat dimana Yesus berdoa dan membangun hubungan vertikal pada Bapanya. On top of my head sih pas Dia di Getsemani sebelum disalib. Dan on top of my head aja udah banyak banget yang Yesus lakukan untuk sesama manusia.

Masalahnya kalo seseorang udah berpikir bahwa dia benar, bakal susah untuk menerima masukan. Waktu aku bilang bahwa hubungan horizontal lebih penting, mereka bilang aku salah. Ya sudahlah, aku diam saja. Tapi aku belajar bahwa aku juga harus balance out diriku, yang membawaku ke niat pengenalan Tuhan. Yang membawaku ke chapter selanjutnya: pertanyaan demi pertanyaan. Karena ini AKU dengan keponess-ku, aku ga bisa terima begitu saja tanpa bertanya dan menganalisis. Aku bertanya kepada mereka, yang aku anggap pengenalan akan Tuhannya jauh lebih dalam, tapi mereka tidak bisa menjawab pertanyaan2ku, malah mereka bilang,"Koq kamu bisa sampai berpikir kesana sih?" Lah, aku berpikir,"Bukannya kamu yang lebih cinta Tuhan? Gimana kamu bisa cinta kalo ga kenal? Bukan salahku kalo kamu sudah mengorbankan rasio kamu demi sebuah kepercayaan buta."

Aku tidak puas dengan jawaban,"Ibaratnya kamu mencoba memindahkan laut kedalam kolam ikan." Aku tidak berusaha memindahkan samudra Pasifik, aku hanya ingin agar kolam ikanku diisi penuh, baru aku bisa duduk manis minum kopi disore hari sambil menikmati keindahan kolamku. Damai. Tenang.

Kalau semua orang abandon pertanyaan2, mungkin kita sekarang masih hidup dijaman kegelapan, dimana kita semua masih percaya bahwa bumi itu datar, bahwa teori heliosentris itu sesat. Kita semua masih akan mengorbankan kambing untuk mencegah letusan volcano. Mungkin akan masih tetap menyembah Apollo. Jangan harap nonton televisi, gila kali gajah bisa masuk ke kotak kecil gitu.. What a twisted concept!

Apropos twistedness. Aku bertanya pada temanku yang aku anggap cukup religius tapi dia tidak bisa menjawab pertanyaanku juga, dia bahkan tidak pernah bertanya seperti aku. Dia bilang ke aku,"Kenapa sih kamu selalu pengen beda? You just want to feel special. Pengen ngerasa lebih baik daripada orang2 lain!" Well, sorry to disappoint him, setiap manusia itu spesial dengan kekurangan dan kelebihannya masing2. Dan dalam hal ini (logika dan analisis), aku memang lebih baik daripada dia. Ini talentaku, kelebihanku, jadi maafkan aku kalau memang aku pakai secara maksimal kamu merasa kalah. Ini bukan arogansi, ini hanya fakta. Aku lebih baik daripada dia dalam hal ini, tapi tidak menutup kenyataan bahwa dia unggul dibanding aku di bidang lain. Alangkah lebih baiknya jika dia konsentrasi ke kelebihannya sendiri daripada melempar batu ke aku karena keunggulanku.

Konklusi akhir: Aku keluar dari komunitas ini. Ini bukan tempatku. Kita berbeda. Mungkin aku akan terus mencari, mungkin juga tidak.
Aku hanya berharap "I'll find God on the corner of 1st and Amistad." (You Found Me- The Fray).

John Lennon!

2011-04-01T00:27:00.003+02:00

I want a pair of this John Lennon glasses so badly!!

2011-03-22T16:07:00.001+01:00

2011-03-20T14:07:00.002+01:00

Do not look back my friend, no knows how the world ever began. Do not fear the future, nothing lasts forever. If you dwell on the past or the future you will miss the moment. SJ Rumi

Those who think the heart is only in the chest take two or three steps and they are content. The rosary, the prayer rug, and repentance are paths that they mistake for the destination.

About Joy and Sorrow

2011-03-11T12:44:00.001+01:00

The Prophet by Khalil Gibran

“Then a woman said,’Speak to us of Joy and Sorrow.’

And he answered:

Your joy is your sorrow unmasked.

And the selfsame well from which your laughter rises was oftentimes filled with your tears.

And how else can it be?

The deeper that sorrow carves into your being, the more joy you can contain.

Is not the cup that hold your wine the very cup that was burned in the potter’s oven?

And is not the lute that soothes your spirit, the very wood that was hollowed with knives?

When you are joyous, look deep into your heart and you shall find it is only that which has given you sorrow that is giving you joy.

When you are sorrowful look again in your heart, and you shall see that in truth you are weeping for that which has been your delight.

Some of you say, “Joy is greater than sorrow,” and others say, “Nay, Sorrow is the greater.” But I say unto you, they are inseparable.

Together they come, and when one sits alone with you at your board, remember that the other is asleep upon your bed.

Verily you are suspended like scales between your sorrow and your joy.

Only when you are empty are you at standstill and balanced.

When the treasure-keeper lifts you to weigh his gold and his silver, needs must your joy or your sorrow rise or fall.

I wish you enough rain to appreciate the sun

2011-03-11T12:41:00.003+01:00

Recently I overheard a father and daughter in their last moments together at the airport. They had announced the departure.
Standing near the security gate, they hugged and the father said, ‘I love you, and I wish you enough.’

They kissed and the daughter left. The father walked over to the window where I was seated. I tried not to intrude on his privacy, but I could not refrain from asking:
‘When you were saying good-bye, I heard you say, ‘I wish you enough.’ May I ask what that means?’

He began to smile. ‘That’s a wish that has been handed down from other generations. My parents used to say it to everyone.’
He paused a moment and looked up as if trying to remember it in detail, and he smiled even more.
‘When we said, ‘I wish you enough,’ we were wanting the other person to have a life filled with just enough good things to sustain them.’
Then turning toward me, he shared the following as if he were reciting it from memory.

I wish you enough sun to keep your attitude bright no matter how gray the day may appear.

I wish you enough rain to appreciate the sun even more..

I wish you enough happiness to keep your spirit alive and everlasting.

I wish you enough pain so that even the smallest of joys in life may appear bigger.

I wish you enough gain to satisfy your wanting…
I wish you enough loss to appreciate all that you possess.

I wish you enough hellos to get you through the final good- bye.

----------------------------------------------------

Like a river, life flows through white waters to tranquility to white waters to tranquility…….

Is SORROW and JOY not part of the same river?

The human mind likes to separate, put in boxes : In order to control. And we cause ourselves endless suffering. We want to make things permanent eg happiness and we get caught in the happiness trap.

Embrace the paradox. Allow the white waters and the tranquility. Honour the dark night of your souls as well as the golden rays enlightening the darkness.

http://paulocoelhoblog.com/2011/02/14/i-wish-you-enough/

Aku si reduksionis

2011-03-11T11:59:00.003+01:00

Sepenggal obrolan dengan sahabatku Ashrie. Agak sulit dipercaya bahwa ia baru berusia 19 tahun.

http://paulocoelhoblog.com/2011/02/14/i-wish-you-enough/
ni bagus d shrie
n kl lo iseng, ni blognya si coelho, autor the alchemist. gue suka

[Ashrie Farisy Fikri]
bntr gw baca yaa
woooeee
great

[Dir]
keren ya?
dan baca komentar dibawahnya, yg ditulis PETER
itu jg bagus
mengingatkan kita akan dikotomi pengkotak2an otak kita dan ketakutan kita
rada mirip gibran yah? yg On Joy and Sorrow

[Ashrie Farisy Fikri]
iya..
gw rasa si
mereka banyak baca gibran
makanya ga asing gw liat2nya

[Dir]
atau mungkin mrk ga baca gibran.. Sondern karna gibran dan mereka itu org2 yg aware atau enlightened. Sadar kalo joy dan sorrow semuanya itu satu. Sama. Ga perlu ada dikotomi
Gue setuju kalo ga perlu ada pengkotak2an. tapi gue dibilangin sama anak greja ini, kl gue trlalu bergerak diruang abu2.
Bahwasanya tetep perlu ada item putih..
Gue jd sadar... Weisheit buddhism sama christentum/agama monotheis itu ternyata beda bgt
Di buddhism semua sama. ga ada item putih, smua itu relatif. Graue zone.
Sdgk di xtentum itu surga dan neraka. Baik jahat. item putih.
jd mungkin cara pikir org2nya jg jd dikotomis ya...

[Ashrie Farisy Fikri]
gw jg ga ngerti, kenapa harus mereka mendikotomikan seperti itu. padahal semua hal dalam hidup selalu ambivalen
Lagi pula mana ada sebenernya kita bisa bilang itu baik atau salah..
Sekalipun kita nyoba untuk bisa nerjemahin isi alkitab. tapi kita gak bener2 tau Cara menjawab kebenarannya seperti apa
Karena semua cuma tertulis
Mungkin ad jesus
Mungkin ada muhammad
But it was long long time ago
Dan yang bisa kita lakuin cuma apa yang kita mengerti..
Tapi apa yang belum kita mengerti bukan berarti salah

[Dir]
Lo dan gue itu org2 di zona abu2 shrie. ga kepengaruh sama indoktrinasi bibel/koran
tapi agama2 ini slalu bilang scr eksplisit kan, ttg adanya kejahatan vs kebaikan.
iblis vs tuhan
dan mungkin kita ini org2 yg nyari balace antara agama yg kita anut sama kata hati kita sndiri. which results in kompromi
ato bahkan reduksionisme. Dmn kita nge-reduce dan stripping off atribut2 yg menurut kita ga penting sampe ke tahap esensi doank.
pdhl atribut2 itu justru menurut org laen penting bgt.

[Ashrie Farisy Fikri]
:):)
you are right
kita pada dasarnya org yang ga mau pusing sama gemeinde. kenapa? karena kita gak mau di atur

[Dir]
maunya seenak udel kite ya. hahahha

[Ashrie Farisy Fikri]
kita ngerasa setiap manusia punya kebebasan buat berpikir, merasa, dan memilih langkah kita sendiri..
tapi tanpa disadari
justru hal yang kita pilih itu, malah lebih ribet di banding jalan yang d ambil org2 gemeinde
hahaha ya kaya yang lu bilang
seenak udel
keras kepala
dan emang kita gak bisa d bentuk sm org lain
org lain itu cuma distrosi buat kita
tapi gabisa sama sekali mempengaruhi kita
sampe kita dapet kulminasi dari diri sendiri untuk change
that's all

[Dir]
ah betapa kadang gue iri sama org2 greja yg dikotomis dan terindoktrinasi itu... Ignorant. Hidupnya cm pilihan antara A dan B. Pake kacamata kuda. Andaikan kita bs gitu ya dek.. ud ga pusing deh pasti. ga mikir yg aneh2.
idup lbh gampang kali ya?
tapi ga idup :D

[Ashrie Farisy Fikri]
iyaa
tapi buat kita
itu cuma akan bawa derita
hahaha

[Dir]
ga bakal derita kl kita ga tau. Was man nicht weiss, macht man nicht heiss :D

[Ashrie Farisy Fikri]
hahaha
relativity

[Dir]
haha. yep. ga penting utk dibahas jg. Kata IF itu pengecut.
kita udah memilih, mesti dijalanin konsekuensinya ;)

Spasi

2011-03-11T11:22:00.001+01:00

Spasi
By: Dewi Lestari

Seindah apa pun huruf terukir, dapatkah Ia bermakna apabila tak ada jeda?
Dapatkah Ia dimengerti jika tak ada spasi?

Bukankah kita baru bisa bergerak jika ada jarak?
Dan saling menyayang bila ada ruang?
Kasih sayang akan membawa dua orang makin berdekatan,
tapi Ia tak ingin mencekik, jadi ulurlah tali itu.

Nafas akan melega dengan sepaang paru-paru yang tak dibagi.
Darah mengalir deras dengan jantung yang tidak dipakai dua kali.
Jiwa tidaklah dibelah, tapi bersua dengan jiwa lain yang searah.
Jadi jangan lumpuhkan aku dengan mengatasnamakan kasih sayang.

Mari berkelana dengan rapat tapi tak dibebat,
janganlah saling membendung apabila tak ingin tersandung.

Pegang tanganku, tapi jangan terlalu erat,
karena aku ingin seiring dan bukan digiring.

*disaatku mulai sesak nafas*

Tentang hati

2011-03-09T16:05:00.010+01:00

Aku ini hantu,
sosok tak berbentuk.
Tidak mengawang, tidak menjejak.
Tanpa manifestasi, mungkin hanya esensi.

Aku bicara momentum memang,
tapi pun seorang satria pejuang
tak mampu menabuh genderang perang,
saat terlihat pasak kubur terpancang.

Kau bicara hati, kawan? Ketahuilah,
Hati manusia itu khianat lemah,
tak kuat ia didera, menjerit.. cukup sudah.
Betapa ada kalanya hantu pun lelah.

Me, the control freak.

2011-03-04T14:37:00.000+01:00

I told a friend I feel like drifting apart and detaching from my known world, trying to find some new balance. Well, to be honest, I can't literally explain the feeling, it's just what I feel right now.

And this is what he said,"yeah... control freak can be mad when they cant control."

Wow! He knows me so well :D Maybe I'm thrown off balance when I feel like I can't take things into my own hands.

About forgiving

2011-03-02T14:50:00.000+01:00

If we believe that everything is written by the same hand.. me, you, the people who've hurt us, we will start thinking that everything happens for a reason. Just think about it this way, those people who have trespassed against us, are people sent from the divine Writer to teach us some lessons, which means that these people are our teachers in life. And why do we have to hate our teachers who have taught us such valuable lessons?

Where can one buy patience?

2011-02-28T00:03:00.004+01:00

2011-02-26T13:24:00.007+01:00

The physical distance between the mind and the heart is only a span of a hand, but the quest to sail the distance and find the equilibrium will take a lifetime or even an eternity.

The old blackbird

2011-02-26T12:31:00.004+01:00

An old blackbird found a piece of bread and flew off with it. When they saw this, the younger birds pursued him in order to attack.

Confronted by imminent battle, the blackbird dropped the piece of bread into the mouth of a snake, thinking to himself:

‘When you’re old, you see things differently. I lost a meal, it’s true, but I can always find another piece of bread tomorrow.
“However, if I had hung on to it, I would have started a war in the skies; the winner would become the object of envy, the others would gang up on him, hatred would fill the hearts of birds and it could all go on for years.

“That is the wisdom of old age: knowing how to exchange immediate victories for lasting conquests"

- so true. Somehow when you're older, you start to realize things that are important, and those that aren't. Well, in order to realize this, of course firstly you need the willingness to learn and to be humble.. which some older people are lacking, as they think too highly of themselves and that they are so experienced they may stop learning.
* And I do plead guilty of this.

Sue me, I'm unspiritual!

2011-02-25T13:16:00.007+01:00

I know a guy who is very sensitive to other people's feelings. It's like he can read people's hearts only by seeing through their eyes. He also read me so well that it's practically spooky!
It's quite interesting how I always begin my sentences with "I THINK, bla bla..."
Whereas he," I FEEL, ..."

"You don't pick up a vibe?"
"No."
"Oh."
In other words: Some people - the intuitive, soulful and spiritual among us - can pick up a vibe, and others - the flat, dull, literalists, like me - can't. I resent this.

Maybe the soulful and spirituals who're blessed with the see-through ability are those with sincere and clean hearts. Unlike me, who's proud of my judgmental little black heart.. So, I guess I'll just give up and accept the fact that this is definitely not my area of expertise.

*on second thought, maybe these people are those who are used to listen to their hearts.. I guess there's a particular language between our heart and the universe.. Maybe it's what they called enlightenment, the moment where a person finds the missing link, which connects our heart, God, and everything under the milky way.. The bridge which had been repressed by overrated modern logic, arrogance and human ego.

I think the world is mad

2011-02-25T12:54:00.003+01:00

I am currently surrounded by friends who're quite religious.. and they don't like me 'swearing'. To be completely honest, I like using the word 'Shit', and they aren't really so into me saying that. Then I asked them,"If I say 'pee' or 'bogey', is it ok?". They said,"It's fine."
At this point, I was baffled, why couldn't I use the word 'shit' but it's fine to use other terms of bodily waste.. Isn't it all the same substance coming out of human body? Who defines the term 'shit' as a curse/ swear word?

Another case, I called a friend,"Monkey." I meant it as an endearing nickname with no mean intention whatsoever.. And these 'church' friends kinda scolded me.. which got me into thinking,"Why is 'monkey' or 'dog' categorized as an insult, whereas 'cat' or 'fish' doesn't count as one?"

Am I mad or is it such a dichotomic indoctrination of society, which leads to public madness?

2011-01-30T18:01:00.000+01:00

My dear heart, never think you are better than others. Listen to their sorrows with compassion. If you want peace, don’t harbour bad thoughts, do not gossip and don’t teach what you do not know -SJ Rumi

Paying it forward

2011-01-19T03:17:00.001+01:00

Dulu aku berpikir, karma adalah sebuah hubungan dua arah antara aku entah sebagai pelaku maupun korban dengan seseorang lain. Bila orang itu menyakiti aku, maka aku akan berusaha atau berharap agar orang itu mendapat konsekuensinya secepat mungkin, jika memungkinkan dariku. Mungkin ini berhubungan dengan karakterku sebagai control freak yang selalu mau set the beginning and the end. Tapi seiring waktu, aku menyadari bahwa hidup tidak selalu bisa kita kendalikan.. Hidup kita dan manusia lain disekeliling kita itu saling terhubung, seperti rizoma, tangled spider web. Kita memberi, menerima, tidak hanya dari dua arah, melainkan dari segala penjuru, dimana terkadang bahkan tidak kita sadari.

Beberapa bulan lalu ada seorang adik kecil yang mengalami kesusahan.. Apa yang dia alami ini pernah aku lalui sendiri.. It's a well trodden path. Dan saat aku lalui kesulitan itu dulu, aku pun dengan tidak sengaja berkenalan dengan orang orang yang mengalami hal sama.. Dan dari sana kita saling belajar, saling menguatkan.. Satu orang spesial yang senasib sependeritaan denganku bernama Puri. Adik kecilku ini bersahabat dekat dengan Puri yang sekarang tinggal dibelahan dunia lain. Saat Puri mengalami kesulitan, adikku berada disampingnya, menjadi shoulder to cry on-nya.
Adikku, di titik terendahnya berkata kepada Puri,"Aku disisimu saat kamu jatuh, kenapa kamu tidak disini waktu aku butuh kamu?"
Spontan aku menjawab,"Tidak apa-apa. Puri ada untukku. Dan sekarang aku disini untuk kamu."

Ada sesuatu yang membukakan mata di moment ini. Kita semua terdiam dan menyadari betapa lucunya hidup. Aku belajar untuk kuat lagi bersama Puri.. Adikku menopang Puri saat dia lemah, dan aku berada disisi adikku saat dia perlu seseorang untuk menangis. Betapa hidup itu seperti sebuah lingkaran besar, dimana kita semua tidak sadar bahwa kita terlibat.. Saat aku lemah, aku butuh orang lain.. Saat aku sudah kuat berdiri lagi diatas kedua kakiku, aku menopang orang lain.. Dan kuharap saat dia kuat nanti, dia akan give the lesson forward dan menopang orang-orang lain yang dia temui di jalannya didepan. Semoga roda ini akan terus berputar.

Sebuah cerita indah,
Dimalam bersalju lebat, sebuah Mercedes Benz dengan seorang nenek pengemudinya mogok karena ban pecah ditengah jalan sepi. Si nenek ketakutan, kedinginan sendirian di daerah asing yang tak dia kenal. Tiba tiba dibelakang datang sebuah mobil tua dengan pengemudinya, seorang pria dengan wajah lelah. Si pria melihat wajah nenek yang ketakutan dan menenangkannya dan menawarkan untuk mengganti ban mobil Benz nenek itu. Setelah beberapa lama, mobil si nenek bisa berjalan lagi. Si nenek dengan penuh rasa terima kasih menawarkan sejumlah uang kepada pria itu.. Si pria menolak dengan senyum letih, dan berkata bahwa dia membantu dengan ikhlas, tanpa mengharapkan imbalan. Si nenek yang tersentuh bertanya, apa yang harus dia lakukan untuk membalas kebaikan si pria. Si pria hanya berkata,"Pay it forward." dan melambaikan tangan pada si nenek.

Si nenek mengemudi ditengah hujan salju dan akhirnya sampai di sebuah kota kecil. Disana dia masuk ke sebuah kafe kecil. Di kafe itu si nenek dilayani oleh seorang pelayan yang sedang hamil tua dan kelihatan lelah namun tetap tersenyum manis. Saat si nenek pergi dari kafe itu, dia meninggalkan sejumlah uang untuk si pelayan dengan catatan,"Terimalah uang ini. Aku ditolong oleh orang asing, dan aku sedang membayar kebaikannya." Si pelayan terpana dan bergegas pulang. Dirumah ia mengecup pipi suaminya yang tertidur lelah sambil berpikir sendiri,"Sayang, doa kita didengar. Kamu tidak perlu memusingkan biaya persalinan lagi.. Jumlah uang ini lebih dari cukup." Suaminya yang terbangun oleh kecupan istrinya tersenyum,"Maaf aku tertidur, Sayang, aku agak lelah, karena tadi mengganti ban mobil ditengah badai salju."

Nerdy and happy me

2011-01-17T03:29:00.006+01:00

I wonder, does this nerd glasses make me look korean or something? Somehow people keep commenting,"You look so korean!"..Even without the glasses. Kinda weird...

Yaay, a photo of a big smiley me taken last week.

I.am.simply.happy.

Untuk kamu adikku

2011-01-06T01:41:00.005+01:00

Berdarahlah kamu dalam kejatuhanmu.
Rasakanlah dingin jurang itu.
Saat jiwamu mulai kembali merindu
akan secercah kehangatan kalbu.
Sahabat, disini kami menunggu
satu rekahan senyummu,
satu ucapan syukurmu,
Kehancuranmu adalah awal kesadaranmu.

Dang!!

2011-01-06T00:48:00.006+01:00

A friend:
"Wi, we need some sport. Let's go swimming!"

W (still yawning on her bed) :
"Uhmmmm.... Am not really in the mood.. Lazy.. "

He (calm and poisonously):
"Wi, May I remind you of your age again?"

W (jumping off the bed and started looking for her swim goggles):
"Ok! Meet you there in 30 mins!"

*Dang! Truth is a bitch indeed!

The painful awakening

2011-01-03T20:19:00.008+01:00

bREAKeVEN.,. says:
Wi, this can be our last eve together..
5 years later..
maybe we won't see each other anymore.
-------------------------------

The other night on stage, we drank, we laughed, we danced, we're young and high, we loved..
And after the spotlight's been turned off, the curtains were closed, the actors took off their masks,
suddenly fantasy reeled behind reality..
Here I am, hearing the echo of our last standing ovation..
Wiping tears running down my cheeks..
Realizing that the day will come when we all have to say good bye and everything has to come to an end..

Tentang tuhan di hati

2010-12-31T01:42:00.007+01:00

Tidak kulihat wujud tuhanku diatas sana.
tidak pun kutemukan dalam kesunyian ibadah
tapi tuhanku,
kulihat dalam kau dan dia
Kurasakan kehadirannya
ketika kita tertawa bersama,
saat kedamaian menyapa.
Terima kasih untuk tahun indah yang berlalu,
Semoga kalian tak kunjung lelah jadi sesamaku,
sahabatku,
guruku,
tuhanku.

Selamat tahun baru kepada para tuhan dihatiku..

A little self reminder

2010-12-28T02:58:00.002+01:00

Wi, can you practice what you preach?
If this happens again and again,
can you still see the other side of the coin?

too cute :)

2010-12-28T01:17:00.001+01:00

2010-12-21T21:45:00.002+01:00

Ask not why Nietzsche announced the death of God in the West.
Ask instead, why Gods are alive and well in the East.
Ask not why families in the West are disunited,
but why families in the East remain united.
Ask not about the whys of modern terrorism,
...but about the whys of Western militarism.
Ask not if white will glister and black will fade.
Ask instead if the two will form a glorious pattern in light and shade

My pursuit of happiness

2010-12-18T23:18:00.010+01:00

"There's a seed of god in all of us." said my dad, who is a devoted Buddhist. I do whole-heartedly agree on this.

I am not trying to promote atheism or anything. It's just that I can't really grasp the idea that our existence lies in God's hand.. that He determines everything, included our happiness. I don't know if there's heaven and hell after life.. Not that I care either.. What I believe is that heaven and hell are here on earth.. We just have to look into our heart to find them.

This always comes together with "Happiness comes from within."
I think our goal in looking for God, going to church etc is to experience that particular sense of peace. Now I'm wondering, why do we have to turn to external factors? Why can't peace come from within ourselves? Why do we always put our happiness in other people's hands?

The key of happiness (my own version).
- Stop making such a big fuss about everything
- Forgiving and forgetting
- Emotional detachment

It's all about our mindset, our point of view.
From what I saw, people are such drama kings sometimes.. And sadly, I have to admit, I'm one of them. How many times did we say,"Why is life so unfair?", "Why ME?", etc etc.
Maybe it's time for us to wake up and open our eyes.. seeing that it's not such a big deal and let's not make a fuss of it. The longer we dwell and focus on our problems, the more miserable we'll feel. It's natural to feel sad or disappointed, but what matters most is how long it takes to pull ourselves on our feet again.. How strong we are to bounce back up.

I was disappointed recently, and I said to myself,"It was an honest mistake, and it's not such a big deal either." Guess what, it worked! I forgave and forgot. I'm at peace with myself, and I think that's what matters.. How we create our own happiness and peace of mind, regardless of what people did or how badly they treated us. The more we think about what they did that harmed us or holding grudge against them, the more we torment ourselves. Why can't we free ourselves from that chain that's bearing us down?

Speaking of holding grudge, the german adjective for this is NACHTRAGEND. Nach means after. Tragen(d) means carry. How interesting if you think of it... Someone hurt us, and WE are the one who's carrying the burden after (or behind) them.. How stupid can we be? :)

Emotional detachment: hard as hell!
To be completely honest, I don't get along with my mom. She's such a moody person and if the bad mood strikes, she says things which hurt a lot and somehow I always take it personally..
After our last big fight, my dad said,"It upsets you because you took it to heart. Try to detach and don't let those words affect you."
I was like,"How??"

After some thinking, I can see that he's right.. If we take twisted criticism or harsh words with a grain of salt, then maybe it won't affect our soul balance. I'm still trying hard to get there, and I would have to say I haven't succeeded yet.

Another example..
A friend had a disagreement with a pastor last week. Unfortunately I do have to agree that this pastor is very close-minded, judgmental and arrogant. He invited my friend for a dialogue, but in the end, it turned out to be an indoctrination from his side, instead of a two-way dialogue. He didn't even listen to what my friend said or asked and keep bombarding my friend with his own opinions and theories. Long story short, my friend was very upset and irritated for days. Every time he thought about the 'incident', he kinda exploded and got mood swings. For me, as a spectator, this is very interesting... I mean, why can't he just take everything the pastor said with a grain of salt, shrug his shoulders and let it off his mind.. If I were he, I would probably just simply think,"The pastor is impossible. But it's his lost to be so close minded. None of my business anyway." In this case, he can't detach his emotion and he kinda let this stranger get the best of him. FYI, they are not even close acquintance.

But everything is better said than done.. I think he and I just need more patience and practice in detaching and keeping emotional distance. We are afterall just human beings in our own pursuit of happiness, aren't we?

One fine evening

2010-12-17T00:22:00.005+01:00

Life is good.
I'm so going to miss Berlin, friends, laughters and everything this great city has to offer.

Seligkeit

2010-12-15T22:54:00.003+01:00

Selig sind, die über sich selbst lachen können;
sie werden immer genug Unterhaltung finden.

Selig die, die einen Berg von einem Maulwurfshügel unterscheiden können;
sie werden sich viel Ärger ersparen.

Selig die, die fähig sind, sich auszuruhen und zu schlafen,
ohne dafür Entschuldigungen suchen; sie werden weise werden.

Selig die, die schweigen und zuhören können;
sie werden dabei viel Neues lernen.

Selig die, die intelligent genug sind, um sich selbst nicht ernst zu nehmen;
sie werden von ihren Mitmenschen geschätzt werden.

Selig die, die aufmerksam sind für die Winke der anderen,
ohne sich jedoch für unersetzlich zu halten; sie werden viel Freude säen.

Selig die, die lächeln können und kein böses Gesicht machen;
ihre Wege werden sonnenbeschienen sein.

Selig die, die fähig sind, das Verhalten der anderen mit Wohlwollen zu interpretieren;
sie werden zwar für naiv gehalten werden, aber das ist der Preis der Liebe.

Selig die, die denken, bevor sie handeln, und beten, ehe sie denken;
sie werden eine Menge Dummheiten vermeiden.

Selig die, die schweigen und lächeln können,
auch wenn man ihnen das Wort abschneidet oder auf die Zehen tritt;
sie sind dem Geist des Evangeliums sehr nahe.

Selig die, die den Herrn in allen Wesen erkennen und lieben;
sie werden Licht und Güte und Freude ausstrahlen.

(Nach einer Vorlage der Kleinen Schwestern/Paris)

Being different

2010-12-11T02:12:00.004+01:00

Frankly, this commercial is overly cheesy and emotional for my taste. Too korean drama style..
But these lines are pretty nice...

0:50
Daughter : "Why am I different from others?"
Father : "Why do you have to be like others?"

....... Just some food for thought ......

Awesome Cheapskate Coke

2010-12-11T02:02:00.006+01:00

Coke does employ ingenious brains in marketing and advertisement!! It's simple yet brilliant.. They could use a handycam and didn't even need to spend a penny on actors in this commercial.

What you don't know can't hurt you

2010-12-08T23:51:00.003+01:00

I used to ponder if I would do the same thing as Faust, trading his soul to learn more about the universal truth. But after having been through some rough patches in life, I've come to the conclusion that ignorance rules! Being naturally skeptical, curious and opinionated, I asked questions all the time. 'Why' and 'What' were my favorite words. Well, still are..

But I've learned the hard way that curiosity kills the cat.. Some things are better left unknown. How I used to love this particular phase of finding out about new knowledge in life. Now? I would love to just happily bask in oblivion and ignorance.

But things are beyond our control sometimes.. even if we'd made the effort of not asking and not telling. When the Pandora's box is opened and the truth's thrown in your face, the question is, how do you cope with it? Cry and deal with the pain? Or bolt out before the real damage is done? I guess the latter sounds more promising..

Well, I think I'd trade my soul afterall, but not like Goethe's version of enlightenment, mine was just a shallow Adam Sandler's remote control of life, with which you can push the buttons 'Pause', 'Rewind' and 'Erase'.

A Musing On Relativism of Morality

2010-12-08T23:43:00.003+01:00

I recently found out that Haris, my 18-year-old brother wrote this.. Boy, he's grown up.. To think that I always looked at him as my dear younger sibling, a child who still needs to be protected.. I just hope he isn't as opinionated as me.. as I've learned that this trait is sometimes troublesome and tiring *sigh..
----------------------------------------------------

"All things are relative" - common saying

As we grow more and more modern and open in our thinking, many of us now espouse the idea that everything is relative. And by extension, so is morality. In this multicultural world, this is seen to be a natural progression to the rigid and outdated moral systems of the less enlightened times. Its tenets include "don't judge", "as long as it makes you happy", or "what is true for you isn't necessarily true for me". But the main phrase associated with this new ethical shift is "Everything is relative".

Immediately after writing this statement, I realized one fundamental error in it. It makes an absolute claim that everything is relative. If the statement is true, then shouldn't everything, including this statement, be relative? And therefore it is absolute that everything is relative, which refutes itself. It is like saying "the only truth is that there is no truth". While this may sound very Zen, I cannot quite grasp the logic and reasoning behind this. Besides, it is self evident that not everything is relative. 1+1=2, independent of any observer. There is always an absolute. I like to call it "Truth".

This faulty statement is used frequently concerning modern morality, especially in the more developed countries. For example, according to this new creed, we may not condemn others when they rob someone, because they may operate on different moral codes than us. Who are we to say they are wrong? On what grounds? Human decency? But is it not relative? The logical extreme of this is that Mother Teresa is just as good (or evil) as Hitler. I find this to be a chilling thought. The fact that this is just a logical extreme is no consolation. An extreme it may be, but it is still the logical conclusion of this thought. The fact is that nobody lives as though everything is relative. The end result of moral relativism seems to be the abolition of the notion "right" and "wrong". And when there is no right or wrong, "might makes right" often prevails. Food for thought.

This is just a slightly philosophical rambling inspired when I first thought about how 1+1 has only one true answer but infinite false answers. From the conclusion that "truth, by definition, is always absolute" to "moral relativism". Hmm, maybe I have too much time to waste.

Disclaimer: This note is by no means error-free. It is, after all, just a musing

Easy

2010-12-04T12:20:00.006+01:00

A perfect chanson
Berlin's 8 PM darkness
Piles of blanket
A cup of green tea
Snow on rooftops outside the window

I do feel content of life...
:)

Es gibt nur zwei Meinungen. Meine und die Falsche!

2010-12-03T00:22:00.003+01:00

"There are only two opinions. MINE and THE WRONG ONE!"

Someone gave me this as a present.. He knows me very well obviously -.-'

My Rules:

1. I am always right.
2. Just in case I am wrong see rule number 1.

This guy has a serious crush on me!

2010-12-03T00:05:00.008+01:00

I met someone today and he obviously had a huge crush on me.

He: "You are a bed"
Me: "Why?"
He: "So I can sleep on you"

He: "You are a house"
Me: "Why?"
He: "So I can live in you"

--He held my hand and I let him..Well, to be honest, I kinda like him too--

He: "You are mini, you're a two-year-old"
Me: "Why?"
He: "Because I'm 6 years old"

Yes, he's a six-year-old boy, who's apparently going to be the next Don Juan, considering the fact that he started very young :D

Validation

2010-12-02T02:19:00.002+01:00

This is a beautiful film, showing us how simple it is to make someone smile and how desperate we all are for some validation, acknowledgement, even from a stranger..
It will show you the unpredictability of life. How we should do things sincerely n passionately, maybe those things will somehow influence our lives in the future. Well, we'll just never know.

What goes around comes around

2010-11-29T23:51:00.004+01:00

Du. ja Du da.
Du weisst sicherlich wer Du bist.
hast mich ausgestossen.
Ist mir auch wurst.
Auf die Nerven gehst Du mir leider nicht mehr.
nur armselig was für einen Narr Du bist.
lächerlich, diese Dummheit.
deine Unreife, deine Angst.
Deine Verstecksversuche.
Die Wahrheit habe ich seit Monaten erfahren.
Hätte ich geplant, alles zu verwüsten,
würde ich schon früher tun,
ohne Dir bescheid zu sagen.
Wenn Du schlauer wärst,
würdest Du es begreifen können.
Leider warst Du zu blind,
um zu sehen dass ich Dir nichts angetan habe,
obwohl ich es könnte.
So tief sinken wie Du werde ich nicht.
So übel wie Du kann ich nicht sein.
bin noch ein Mensch mit Herzen und Gewissen.
Die beide Worte sind Dir leider fremd.
Ach,,erbärmlich..
wie schwach ein Mann sein kann.
wie eingeklemmt dein Herz ist,
wie verdreht die Logik sein kann.
Ja, renne..
Renne von deiner Verantwortung..
Laufe von der Last der Vergangenheit.
Schliesse deine Augen von Fehlern.
Ich würde Dir auch nicht nachjagen.
Für jemanden, der in die Tonne getreten werden kann,
werde ich weder die Ruhe aufopfern,
noch die Kraft vergeuden.
Nun vergiss es aber nicht,
Alles rächt sich irgendwann.
Karma.

IN GOLD WE TRUST

2010-11-29T03:09:00.008+01:00

A friend and I were discussing about the South-North Korean tension and the possibility that it would escalate to a full scale war. And if a war really outbroke, what would we buy?
I would say instant noodle (hey! it's essential, war or no war) and gold. Forget cash and government bonds. Post war, currency is bound to be hit by inflation, which means your thousand dollar cash would probably only buy you a loaf of bread. And bonds? Governments will collapse, power void and transition will prevail, meaning that your old bonds will go down with them. Well, if the worst comes to the worst, of course you can use the bonds as toilet paper if you can't afford any, thanks to the inflation. It's everybody's free choice actually, but since gold is the universal currency with the most steady value, invest in gold!! Forget God, it's the era of GoLd, baby!

or

your choice.

2010-11-28T20:34:00.000+01:00

One day, you'll be just a memory for some people. Do your best to be a good one

Taiwanese inferiority complex

2010-11-22T23:58:00.006+01:00

-Rant 2nd part
Refer to "Make up is magic"

Well, the anti korean sentiments are not that ungrounded apparently.. I suppose these come from envy and unhealthy competitive jealousy. As we all know Taiwan and South Korea are two of the four asian tigers together with Hong Kong and Singapore. And somehow I always got the impression that the taiwanese always wanted to be classified together with Korea and Japan as the three big north east asian power countries, leaving China behind. As we know, the taiwanese doesn't want to be associated with China because of those political reasons. So, having this image in mind, they think of South Korea as their biggest competitor, since both have some similarities.. Both have been influenced by Mainland China, have been colonized by the Japanese for decades, both export electronics goods, etc. And since Japan served as the 'mother land' and is much more developed than Taiwan, the Taiwanese curiously do not turn against the Japanese, in fact they even idolize the japanese culture and try to identify themselves with the japanese, maybe in attempt to further dissociate themselves from the Mainland chinese.

In my opinion, they have some serious identity crisis. They actually speak and write chinese, embracing chinese culture proudly, seeing theirselves more pure than their mainland counterparts, because they have traditional writing characters, whereas the mainland chinese has simplified characters dubbed by some 'puritants' as ugly, corrupted and used only by the uneducated. But in the same time they do not want to be associated as chinese, thus looking up at the Japanese, being proud of the history that they used to be colonized by the japanese, even identifying themselves with the Japanese. And the fact that the mainland chinese government keeps oppressing them by every mean, like putting pressure on Taiwan on international level (sport or political events, even the latest Japan film festival where they tried to force the japanese commitee to change the name TAIWAN to China Taiwan or China Taipei, even threatening to boycott the festival if the Japanese wouldn't budge), constantly threatening other countries to severe diplomatic ties with Taiwan doesn't help either. (My heart goes out to the Taiwanese on this matter, since I don't like the chinese aggresive foreign policy either).

I recall a funny anecdote.. I was tete a tete-ing with a Taiwanese and he was telling me proudly that they have more historical artefacts in their Taipei national museum than in Beijing forbidden city and how the mainland chinese desecrated many historical monuments, paintings, etc during the Mao Tze Tung's regime. He was also telling me about the history lessons he learned in school, the legend of the three kingdoms and the chinese dynasties.. The thing is, he said (and I quote),"WE have ... dynasties, etc etc."

And being a meanie, I asked him,"You guys speak and write chinese, learn the chinese history as your own, have all the chinese cultures, so it means you're a chinese, right?
*I know how sensitive they are on this matter, I was just trying to annoy him in purpose :p
Wow, did he get annoyed. "Of course not! If you say so, it means that the Singaporeans are chinese as well."
At this point I was confused. I do admit some Singaporeans are of chinese descent, but they have their own language, which is Singlish (Singaporean-english, please don't get me started on this.. hehe), and they learned the Singaporean/Melayu history in school and they would never say "WE had the legend of the three kingdoms etc".

To be honest, a part of me can relate to this identity confusion thing, though not as strongly as theirs. Only by having chinese blood, though living in Indonesia for generations, speaking Indonesian as my mother tounge, thinking as Indonesians, learning indonesian history, still throws me off the track sometimes.. So, I guess I can imagine how hard it's for them to embrace and distance themselves from the chinese culture at the same time.

Back to the rivalry with the Koreans. As I said, because they can't compete with Japan, they try to compete with Koreans as their closest neighbour of the North east countries.. But unfortunately, in the past decade Taiwan lagged behind S.Korea in the economic growth, sport, brand names, pop culture. South Korea has gone from a per-capita gross domestic product (GDP) just 77 percent of Taiwan's to pull even and ultimately surpass Taiwan's per-capita GDP by 26 percent. Samsung and LG (compared to taiwanese Acer or Asus) rule the world, if I may exaggerate a bit.. And let's not start on the K-wave, K-drama, etc.. I myself am not a fan of korean nor taiwanese pop culture, but how many girls out there go crazy over those Koreans? Speaking as an Indonesian who knows what she's talking about, I can say the indo. girls love the Koreans (more than the Taiwanese, if I may add again).

The funny thing is, while the Taiwanese tried so hard to beat the Koreans, the Koreans didn't even know where Taiwan is (Well, they do now after those anti K sentiments, flag burning, etc). They see only Japan (and China?) as their competitors. CMIW.

I once booked a flight from Seoul to Taipei on Korean air's website.. I tried to find Taipei under the category "North East Asia", but couldn't find it.. I found only Japan and China under this category. I was not sure if Korean Air does fly to Taipei. So I tried the category "South East Asia" to check on Jakarta, my hometown.. And guess what, Taipei is listed there. Again, under South East Asia. To make it clear, south east asian nations have the reputation of being poor, whereas the north east asians are the richer ones. Though it's not entirely true.. We still have Singapore! :D Well, as a South East Asian, I don't care about these labels. I know my home country is poor, so what? haha. But it's sad for the Taiwanese, isn't it? Esp. that they think that they are one of the rich North East Asian countries, but their neighbours don't even acknowledge them..

So now, I can only smile ironically if defeat plus inner inferiority complex make them play dirty like throwing eggs at korean school, putting up 'no Korean accepted' signs in some stores and restaurants, which reminds me so much of the Jews and Nazi, smashing Korean electronic and beauty products just because of a stupid taekwondo game in which the referee was a Filipino (of korean descent), the judges were from China, Kuwait, and Tajikistan, the opponent represented Vietnam, and the game took place in China.. Well, let them vend out their frustration.. There's a saying: Jealousy is the sign of incapability. Go figure!

*If you're reading this, please take it with a pinch of salt as I'm just a foreigner with my own subjective opinion with no relation whatsoever to Taiwan, Korea nor China.

Make up is magical

2010-11-22T22:12:00.007+01:00

With make up technique nowadays, we don't need a fairy mother anymore.. Make up is magic itself!
As I was youtube-ing, I happened to stumble upon this 'before-after make up' show and my jaw dropped! This is so cool..

Yay!! Long live make up!!
Do the girls give private make up lessons? I'm so going to sign up!
BUT..
(and here goes the opinionated bitch with her rant....)
As much as I'm shocked by their transformations, I'm more disgusted by the moderator's comments. He's saying degrading things like,""If you get married and take off all your makeup, your husband will divorce you after seeing you without any." I know it was meant to be a joke, and I tried to not be a tight-ass, but that was so tasteless and downright rude! As if he was so good looking to begin with. He seriously needs a mirror. And to make things worse, he said this on a TV show aired nationally, imagine those little girls watching this and growing up with the idea of vanity.. This kind of show really promotes low self esteem.. No wonder they all suffer from inferiority complex which they've demonstrated really well on these illogical ungrounded anti korean sentiments.

--- This rant is to be continued
Refer to "Taiwanese inferiority complex"

An open letter to some taiwanese

2010-11-21T12:05:00.007+01:00

It all began with the controversial disqualification of the taiwanese taekwondo athlete by a korean referee in the Asian game held in China. And the hell went loose. The taiwanese cursing the chinese and korean, burning korean flags, planning to boycott korean products, etc etc..
Seriously, how ignorant can you people be?

It doesn't have anything to do with the koreans in general.. It's the prerogative of the referee..Ok, maybe he was unfair, so? curse the referee, petition him, ask your government to send some official protest letters to have him fired. But unfairness in sport games happens everywhere. Remember the last world cup? How the referees did many controversial decisions? Did the national team's supporters lash out against the people of the specific nations, of which the referees come from?

I think the reason you guys lash out is because you guys are frustrated. You know you'll never beat the chinese and koreans. Come on? How many gold medals did you Taiwanese earn? Umm.. like 6 ?? And how many did the chinese and the koreans earn? Ok, before you guys start finding some banal reasons to justify your lost to the chinese by saying how the chinese must have cheated or how big the chinese population is, let me remind you.. They are indeed good at every international game..even the olympics. And if you're going to say how small Taiwan is, remember, South Korea is not that huge as well. And how many gold medals did they earn, in comparison to Taiwan? like 53 to 6 ??

Some Taiwanese wrote in a forum: "I never liked the koreans before. Now I hate them even more." Seriously, how many Koreans does he get to know in Taiwan? Growing up and living in Taiwan means you guys have practically NO foreign friends. This statement is so ignorant and judgmental.

Another girl wrote about boycotting korean products," Of course it has everything to do with the koreans. Let's say, I let a fruit seller sell his goods in front of my house. But he's unfriendly towards me. If I still buy his goods, then I'm stupid." Hey, then scold him, confront him if you want. But you condemn all fruit sellers? You know why? because you don't have enough power or courage to confront this fruit seller one on one, so you vend out your frustration at other sellers. How stupid is that?

Ok then, boycott the korean products, show your twisted nationalism.. But what's with the flag burning? Does the referee's decision have anything to do with the nation's policy or something? Be rational please, and you called yourself educated people? Let me tell you something, if I were to take side, I would take the chinese side instead of yours, although I don't like the chinese mentality as well. It's just the simple truth.. China is much stronger than you. That's just logical. Who would support the weak? Stop being idealistic, even utopistic.. Fair or not, what can you do? nothing! So stop that twisted frustrated hatred and move on people!!

Mr. W

2010-11-19T00:59:00.003+01:00

a very smart adv :)

W talking shit

2010-11-14T03:39:00.008+01:00

From The 3 Idiots! Love love love this movie!

It's sung originally in Hindi, and here's the english translation

When life goes out of control,
Draw back your lips,
Whistle and Exclaim!!
Aal Izz Well!!

How can a hen know the future of its egg?
Will it get life or get fried on a pan,
No one knows what our future will be.

So Draw back your lips,
Whistle and Exclaim,
Brother, Aal Izz Well!!
O Brother, Aal Izz Well!!
Uncle, Aal Izz Well!!

Nobody knows the solution
When a solution is found,
We lost the track of ‘What was the question?’

When your heart is restless everytime,
Keep a hand on your heart and console it,
The heart’s an idiot, knock sense into it with kindness

So Draw back your lips,
Whistle and Exclaim,
Brother, Aal Izz Well!!
O Brother, Aal Izz Well!!
Uncle, Aal Izz Well!!

I guzzled te liqour of scholarship,
but the despair, didn’t lessen.
The incense sticks burnt to ash,
But we didn’t see the God!!

How can a goat know what happens to it (life)?
Will it be skewered or will it be minced?
No one knows what our future will be.

So Draw back your lips,
Whistle and Exclaim,
Brother, Aal Izz Well!!
O Brother, Aal Izz Well!!
Uncle, Aal Izz Well!!
....................................................................................

The lyrics is funny and deep in the same time.
No one knows what lies in the future...
It reminds me of my fave childhood song, Que Sera Sera..

"When I was just a little girl,
I asked my mother, what will I be
Will I be pretty, will I be rich
Here's what she said to me.
Que Sera, Sera
Whatever will be, will be
The future's not ours, to see
What will be, will be."

I suppose that's the key to our inner peace, not worrying about the future and focusing on the present..
We all have so many questions about the future. Just some Qs on top of my list..
"Am I going to be successful?", "What am I going to do with my life?", etc.
Fear and worry about the uncertainties we will have to face.. or not..
They said the burden of the past and the worry of the future will bring even the strongest man down.
I guess the saying is true..

Some people believe in prophecy, fortune telling and superstition.. paying money to have their future predicted.. Frankly, I don't believe in fortune telling.. I do believe that our future is a mystery and is supposed to stay a mystery.

Let's take it this way..
I went to a fortune teller and supposedly she told me that I'm going to be hit by a car next year.. I would come home feeling depressed knowing that something bad's going to happen, and probably I would live in fear for one whole year, imagining the worst, not knowing exactly when it's going to happen.. What good would it do me? the fact that I'm going to spend the rest of my life worrying and being afraid?
Well, if we took it another way, let's say, I'd do things I'd never done before and seizing the chance to live my life fully while still preparing for the worst.. Yes, maybe it could be a good thing, but to do these things, I didn't need to know my future either, did I? That's just the whole meaning of "carpe diem" (Live life the fullest or seize the day). I just have to change my mindset without having to know what my future will look like.

I had a friend who bragged that he could predict the future using 3 ancient chinese coins. He'd throw these coins and depending on which side the coins landed, he'd fortune tell. He had this book, in which there're all possibilities of the coin's outcome and what it meant. For example, he would throw his 3 coins.... 2 coins showed tail and 1 coin showed head. He would check the book for the meaning. He even earned some money from people asking him to fortune tell.

I was skeptical at all this, and said that this coin throwing was all just a theory of possibility.. like throwing dice. Then I asked him to predict mine. He said, he couldn't, since I'm not a believer, it wouldn't come true. At this point I started questioning: the prediction would only come true if I believe? Well, it just shows that it's all just a self-fulfilling prophecy, isn't it? Some kind of placebo effect? It's just human nature, if we were afraid or excited about something, we would somehow accelerate the process and do anything unconsciously to make it come true.

If he told me I wouldn't pass my exam. I would feel depressed and unconfident of my intelligence.. And if we're unconfident, the chance that we succeed in anything will be slim.
And if he told me I would pass my exam, it would boost up my confidence and there's a big chance I would do good on the exam. We human beings need validation and confirmation to be self-assured.

Take another example.. I read my horoscope, and it said I would meet a great guy today. Most probably if I believed it, I would be happy.. If I were happy, I would smile a lot, which would make me more attractive.. Guys would find themselves to be attracted to me, wouldn't they? So, big possibility that I would indeed meet a guy today..
Turn it the other way around.. The Horoscope said I would have a bad day.. Then maybe I would be grumpy, and people would be bitchy to me as well right? Bad mood is contagious. Teehee..

Another reason why I don't approve of fortune telling.... Sometimes I think fortune telling are for people who are lazy, superstitious and need excuses for failures. If things didn't work out, they would simply say,"Well, it's pre-destined and not meant to be." So, in the end, they didn't really work hard to achieve something.. Call me judgmental or bitter, but I've got to know such people who think that everything is written on the stars and they do not need to make any efforts.. So, in the end, I would prefer not knowing my destiny, so I would try to realize my dreams and give my best, even without knowing if I'm going to succeed or not.

Anyway, back to the topic.. We can see how afraid we are of the future, and we deal with it differently, some pray, some fortune-tell, etc to the point that we all forgetting the fact that what we do today influences our future enormously.. and that we should be concentrating on today instead of the past or future.. And for the future? Well, let's take a deep breath, embracing the peace of living in the present and say "All is well.."

“The past is history, the future is a mystery, but today is a gift—that’s why they call it ‘the present’”

*Hey, who am I trying to fool here? myself? an acute control freak? Easier said than done apparently.. I suppose this is what they called "Talking sh*t" :D

2010-11-13T03:13:00.000+01:00

I'm the girl, you're the boy. You text me first or we're not talking today

Pray for Indonesia

2010-10-27T08:43:00.002+02:00

Heavy rain, landslides, flood, earthquake. tsunami in Mentawai, Merapi volcano eruption.

Maybe it's time for us to

You can't please everyone

2010-10-23T01:07:00.002+02:00

1. You eat, you're fat. You don't eat, you're a freak!
2. You drink, you're an alcoholic. You don't drink, you're a pussy.
3. You read, you're a nerd. You don't read, you're stupid!
4..You smoke, you think you're cool. You don't smoke, you're a loser!
5. You tell a secret, you're an attention seeker. You don't tell a secret, you're still an attention seeker
6. You let someone in, you're easy. You don't let someone in, you're to up tight

7. You've had sex, you're a slut. You haven't had sex, your a frigid little bi*ch
8. You wear makeup, you're a slag. You don't wear makeup you're ugly!

The Lesson is: "YOU CANT PLEASE EVERYONE!

Schwarzfahrer

2010-10-10T00:40:00.000+02:00

Catchy title.
Schwarzfahrer: black rider (someone who boards the train/bus without buying any tickets).

2010-08-29T22:45:00.002+02:00

Zum ersten Weltkrieg kam es weil ein Österreicher erschossen wurde. Der Zweite weil kein Österreicher erschossen wurde.

Eltern

2010-08-29T22:44:00.003+02:00

Eltern; die zwei Menschen, die nachts ständig geweckt werden und dennoch Träume haben

2010-08-10T15:31:00.001+02:00

Begitulah selalu terjadi, hubungan manusia itu seperti kontrak, akan selalu berakhir suatu ketika entah kapan apapun sebabnya - Seno Gumira Ajidarma

3 idiots on tour

2010-08-03T10:47:00.008+02:00

Ab nach Amsterdam!
Ankunft im Abendlicht, komm! Raus mit euch Kinder!
Hm, aber zuerst müssen wir einen Parkplatz suchen. Mal sehen wieviel es kostet.. Was?? 5€ pro Stunde! Heftig! ach nö.. wir gingen lieber das Risiko ein und kauften kein Parkticket.
Ok, Lass uns Wantansuppe essen und Rotlichtdistrikt ansehen!
"Hey Idiot 1! Die Eine mit silber Bikini ist hübsch, wahr? Was? Lieber ein Joint kaufen? Na gut... Komm!"
3 Idioten sitzten dann am Tisch und kifften zusammen. Aber alle 3 haben vergessen dass sie noch zum Hotel fahren mussten. Toll gemacht.
Lass uns zum Auto zurücklaufen.

Idiot 1 : Hey, die Pflastersteine bewegen sich! wie ein Videogame, cool! ich bin super Mario!! *tut tit tut. Jetzt fing der Idiot an, das Lied von Super mario bros zu singen , sprangen und tanzten herum.
Idiot 2 schleppten stölpernd hinterher, und meinte seine Beine seien wie Beton.
Idiot 3 konnte nur hysterisch lachen..

Jemand hat uns gefolgt!! meinte Idiot 2. Pass auf eure Tasche auf.. Idiot 1 fühlte sogar dass jemand auf seine Tasche gegriffen hat. Schrecklich. Aber immerhin war es so lustig dass wir immer noch lachten.

Wir hatten das Auto gefunden. Hey, was ist das? Ein Strafzettel! Geil!
Jetzt saßen wir fest im Auto. Niemand konnte fahren.
"Wenn ich das meiner Mutter erzähle. Wir können nicht heeeeime.
Weil zu viel Haschisch im Blut ist...
Zu viel Haschisch im Blut
ist nicht guuuuuuut. "
Idiot 1 ist plötzlich ostdeutscher Poet geworden!
Idiot 2 starrte nur blöd nach vorne.
Idiot 3 bereitete sich schon vor, die Nacht im Auto verbringen zu müssen und suchte schon möglichst bequeme Schlafstellungen.
Nach 2 Stunden Sitzen, wagten wir es, die Heimfahrt zu machen. Wir waren lebendig angekommen...... *pfiu..

-----------------------------------------------

Paris, nach dem Abendessen. Dieses mal dann nur 2 Idioten und 1 Faszinierte, die sehr fasziniert von der Dummheit der anderen Zwei war.

Faszinierte: Komm, fahren wir zum Eiffelturm!
Idiot 1 und 2: Ok!
(Idiot 1 gab irgendwas ein auf seinem Navi-system)
Fasz: Weisst du, wie man Eiffelturm buchstabiert?
Idiot 1: Natürlich !!!! (sehr sicher und überzeugend)
Faszinierte lehnte sich zurück und starrte aus dem Fenster.
Nach 10 Minuten waren die drei noch am Platz geblieben.
Faszinierte: Warum sind wir noch hier?
Idiot 1: Ich kann es nicht finden.. Blödes Navi!
Idiot 2: Komm, lass mich suchen.
Nach 5 Minuten Fummeln immer noch nicht gefunden...
Faszinierte fing an, ungeduldig zu sein.. Was macht ihr denn? Gib das Navi her!

EIFFELturm wurde als I-F-E-L und E-I-F-L-E buchstabiert...

Kein Wunder dass die Drei immer noch da stehen geblieben waren....
Vielleicht wenn sie zugelassen hätte dass die zwei Idioten weiter suchten, wären die Drei bis heute immer noch da sitzen geblieben.
Die Faszinierte hat sich für ca. 20 Minuten kaputt gelacht während sich die zwei Idioten geschämt hatten.. oder doch nicht? xD

-------------------------------------------

der Ifelturm

-------------------------------------

Idiot 3: "Ja, Frankreich hat den amerikanischen Freiheitskrieg unterstützt, und danach kam der General Lafayette zurück nach Frankreich und hat das Motto 'Liberte, Egalite, Fraternite' verbreitet und am Ende führte es zur französischen Revolution. Ach ja, und als Geschenk für Amerika hat die französische Regierung die Liberty Lady geschenkt.. Das weisst ihr doch oder?"
Idiot 1: "Ja! Liberty Lady! San Fransisco! Juhuuu!"
Idiot 3: "New York! du Trottel!"
*wünschte sich so sehr dass sie seinen Kopf hämmern konnte.*

--------------------------------------

Idiot 1:"Ich will mir eine Freundin suchen, die dummer ist als ich... Damit ich sie auslachen und ausnutzen kann."
.................. nach einer kurzen Pause sagte er..................
"Aber es ist schwierig jemanden zu suchen, der noch dummer ist als ich.. Da ich schon ganz unten bin... Sie wird ein richtiger Idiot sein, oder ein Esel."
....................
Idiot 3 dachte zu sich,"Ach,,, zum Glück hast du das selbst erkannt."

2010-07-19T09:42:00.005+02:00

Wer will, daß die Welt so bleibt wie sie ist, der will nicht, daß sie bleibt -Erich Fried.

Vielleicht bin ich doch diejenige, die nicht will dass sie bleibt.

Decency

2010-07-15T00:18:00.004+02:00

These past few days had been mentally exhausting.. I met lots of weird people. I'm actually wondering, am I being the weird one or is it them?

A few days ago I met a woman who's a bit brash. It's the first time I met her.
(shaking hands)
me: Hello, I'm W.
She: Hi, I'm F. So, you're W, I saw your photos with Efan on Facebook! You're that girl who's very flirtatious.. No, that's not the word, umm... coquettish! Wait, no! Wild !!
I was thinking like,"Um...Ok, is this supposed to be a compliment or an insult? We just met...And you're judging me based on those crazy photos we shot on purpose.."
So, I just smiled and said nothing.

After a few minutes she said,
"You're so fair! You must be afraid of the sun, right? I bet you avoid the sun all the time."
Me: "Um, not really, I want to be a bit tanned actually."
She: "Ah you liar! then why are you sitting here under the tree, instead of sunbathing there at the park!"
Me: "Because it's 39 degree today?"

And as I found out later from other friends, everybody's actually avoiding her because of her aggressiveness and how she makes fun of others.

The next day I went to work with a girl. It was also the first time that I met her. She also has this kind of aura about her.. this aggressiveness. But I said to myself, that I shouldn't be judgmental before I get to know this person.

At the end of the day, she and I were the only ones left, and there're still lots of work that needed to be done. But she said she's going home early because she's not in the mood to work that day. I said I wanted to stay behind and finish off the work. But the problem is that I didn't know how to operate the machines alone since I'm new. Then she said to me that I should go home because it's also useless if I stayed. The work was too much. So I went home with her.

The next day the boss called and scolded me for leaving work behind. And apparently this girl told the boss that she's the one that wanted to stay behind, and I was the one who forced her to go home. I was baffled.. When the boss asked me, I tried to cover up for her.. Never thought she could do such thing to me. Well, maybe I was too naive.. Anyway, apparently I'll lose my job since it's my word against hers. And I'm the new girl there.

In the same time I hosted a friend at my place. We had a history back then. I thought everything's fine now since he told me he has a new gf and how much he loves his gf. So I went to work, and when I got back from work, I found out he used my laptop, logging in into my facebook and email account, and checking on my private notes, photos and mails. He even checked on my ex bf's profile, although I'm not friends with him anymore on facebook. How creepy is that..

I found out about this accidentally. I was looking for a shopping website which I forgot in my browser's history and saw that someone checked on my accounts when I was supposed to be at work. For more than an hour! My tagged photos (I made em private), my hidden private notes, my current mails. Everything! So, it can't be an innocent mistake that he accidentally logged in or anything and he brought his own laptop as well. I felt so violated.. I hosted him and he did such things..

DECENCY, PEOPLE, QUESTION MARK.

"What's wrong with the world mama?
People living like aint got no mamas
I think the whole worlds addicted to the drama
Only attracted to the things that bring you trauma"

Now... forgive and forget. Easier said than done.. Am trying to forgive, still need some time.. Such a weird week indeed.

fragile..

2010-07-07T02:32:00.003+02:00

Tak sengaja temukan catatan seorang teman.
Kubaca..
Berpikir..
Merenung..

"with my life I have now and all the people around me, I know I shouldn't be sad anymore...
but there are still nights where I find it so hard to get through alone... and there's nothing I could do but cry... and I couldn't stop it..."
Posted by Ay..

Ini yang dia tulis.

Masih kuingat,
betapa si lelaki mencintainya.
Album foto berisi dia.
dengan catatan pinggir manis
"ay, smile, and please keep smilin', coz' I love the way you smile... "
atau
"u and me"

Tujuh tahun pasang surut.
Prang!
Hancur.
Sekejap mata.
Rapuhnya kehidupan
Kesementaraan yang membekukan.

Saat dia terbangun,
hanya dia sendiri disana.
dingin.
Betapa dia berharap bisa menghentikan waktu
atau punya mesin waktu dimana dia bisa menekan tombol
Pause, Rewind, Stop.

Ingin rasanya dia menjerit,
berilah aku kesempatan lagi,
berbaliklah cinta,
pandang aku..
peluk aku sekali lagi
Mengapa hanya kulihat punggungmu?
dan lenganmu yang merangkul perempuan itu?
Aku bisa membuatmu bahagia,
Tolong.........

Tapi si lelaki membisu.
Tidak ada lagi kesempatan bagimu,
semua sudah terlambat
Penyesalan kosong belaka.
Selamat tinggal.

Dia pun terduduk,
menulis,
"people would do just about anything for a glimpse of happiness
I let mine slipped away some time ago...
dear happiness, I promise now to hold on to you and never let you go."

Disinilah aku,
menitikkan air mata untuk seorang teman,
yang kehilangan kebahagiaannya.

another nice one

2010-07-05T12:44:00.001+02:00

Wenn wir bedenken dass wir alle verrückt sind, ist das Leben erklärt - Mark Twain

Just like a star

2010-07-05T12:39:00.004+02:00

A beautiful song

Just like a star across my sky,
Just like an angel off the page,
You have appeared to my life,
Feel like I'll never be the same,
Just like a song in my heart,
Just like oil on my hands,
Honour to love you

Still I wonder why it is,
I don't argue like this,
With anyone but you,
We do it all the time,
Blowing out my mind,

You've got this look I can't describe,
You make me feel like I'm alive,
When everything else is au fait,
Without a doubt you're on my side,
Heaven has been away too long,
Can't find the words to write this song,
Oh...
Your love,

Still I wonder why it is,
I don't argue like this,
With anyone but you,
We do it all the time,
Blowing out my mind,

Now I have come to understand,
The way it is,
It's not a secret anymore,
'cause we've been through that before,
From tonight I know that you're the only one,
I've been confused and in the dark,
Now I understand,

I wonder why it is,
I don't argue like this,
With anyone but you,
I wonder why it is,
I wont let my guard down,
For anyone but you
We do it all the time,
Blowing out my mind,

Just like a star across my sky,
Just like an angel off the page,
You have appeared to my life,
Feel like I'll never be the same,
Just like a song in my heart,
Just like oil on my hands

2010-06-20T23:04:00.003+02:00

Q: Why do bad things happened to us if there's God? If he's almighty, why doesn't He prevent those awful things from happening?

See it like this.
If you win 1 mio lotto and are going to buy your first house in Monte Carlo, are you going to speak to Him?
but if the boyfriend says,"I don't want to see you anymore.", you'll turn to Him xD

so true..

-Today's sermon.

Filosofi kopi / The coffee philosophy

2010-06-04T00:33:00.001+02:00

Walau tidak ada yang sempurna
hidup ini indah begini adanya.

Although nothing is perfect
life is beautiful just the way it is.

About anger

2010-06-04T00:32:00.002+02:00

Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned.

Keiner ist nur immer schwach und keiner hat für alles Kraft

2010-05-17T12:12:00.000+02:00

hab ein sehr schönes Lied gehört in der Kirche, das mich irgendwie sehr angesprochen hat, gehört.. Möchte mich immer daran erinnern, dass wir alle stärkere und auch schwächere Zeiten haben. Sogar ich.. Ein Mädchen das immer dachte dass sie immer stark sein konnte, aber doch auch nicht :)

Gut, daß wir einander haben, gut, daß wir einander sehn.

Sorgen, Freude, Kräfte teilen und auf einem Wege gehn. Gut, daß wir nicht uns nur haben,

daß der Kreis sich niemals schließt und daß Gott, von dem wir reden, hier in unsrer Mitte ist.

1. Keiner, der nur immer redet; keiner, der nur immer hört. Jedes Schweigen, jedes Hören, jedes Wort hat seinen Wert.

Keiner widerspricht nur immer; keiner paßt sich immer an. Und wir lernen, wie man streiten und sich dann noch lieben kann.

2. Keiner, der nur immer jubelt; Keiner, der nur immer weint. Oft schon hat uns Gott in unsrer Freude, unsrem Schmerz vereint.

Keiner trägt nur immer andre; keiner ist nur immer Last. Jedem wurde schon geholfen; Jeder hat schon angefaßt.

3. Keiner ist nur immer schwach, und keiner hat für alles Kraft. Jeder kann mit Gottes Gaben das tun, was kein andrer schafft.

Keiner, der noch alles braucht, und keiner, der schon alles hat. Jeder lebt von allen andern; Jeder macht die andern satt.

Wenn ein Lied meine Lippen verlässt

2010-05-15T18:18:00.002+02:00

(nach 1 Flasche Wein + 3 Biere)

Erster Versuch:

Vergiss Töne oder Musikalität, und wir haben in der Mitte verkackt. Aber zu unserer Verteidigung waren wir stark alkoholisiert :p

Zweiter Versuch:

Umso schlimmer geworden.... aber immerhin ist es komplett gesungen (oder gebrüllt)!

Little Lauryn

2010-05-12T02:42:00.003+02:00

Welcome to the world.

Dr. Müllers Aufklärungsbrief an seinen Kollegen

2010-05-10T16:51:00.001+02:00

München, 06.05.1903

Sehr geehrter Herr.Dr. Dubois,
1891 entdeckten Sie Fossilien von Pithecanthropus Erectus. Ihre Meinung würde ich sehr zu schätzen wissen.
Vor einem Jahr hatten mein Team und ich zwei seltsame Arten von Höhlenmenschen entdeckt, lebendig. Sie verhielten sich komisch und vertrugen sich nicht gut. Von daher hatten wir die Beide in zwei verschiedenen Käfigen abgetrennt.
Wir haben bis jetzt versucht die beide Kreaturen unter normalen Menschen zu vergesellschaften. Es hat einigermaßen geklappt. Aber leider kommen die Beide bisher auch nicht klar miteinander.
Hier ist meine provisorische Analyse.

FRAGILUS AROGANENSIS

1. Was ist ein Fragilus Aroganensis?
ein fast ausgestorbenes Lebewesen, das unbewusst unter bipolarer Verwirrung leidet, das sich selbst und seine Mitmenschen gefährden kann.

2. Was sind die Symptome?
- furchtbare Stimmungsschwankungen
- niedrige Toleranz
- nulle Geduld
- ständiges Vorurteil
- unbewusste Kindlichkeit
- verwirrte Einstellung eigener Stärke
- Unflexibilität
- Mangel an Emotionskontrolle
- unerwarteter Wutausbruch
- und dadurch verursachte verletzende Wortauswahl
- unkontrollierte Arroganz
- Verneinung der Niederlage
- verdrehtes Selbstwertgefühl
- Labilität des Selbstvertrauens
- Angst vor Vergangenheit
- Unfähigkeit des Loslassens
- Kontrolle-Freak
- Unterschätzung der Mitmenschen
- rigide Unbeugsamkeit bzw. Härte
- akute Neugierde
- Vorliebe des Affentheaters
- asoziales Verhalten

3. Woran erkennt man ein Fragilus Aroganensis?
Ganz einfach.
Ein Fragilus Aroganensis verändert täglich seine Gesichter je nach seiner Laune. Es ernährt sich von Liebe anderer Menschen. Wenn dieses Ungeheuer hungrig ist, dann sucht es gern Streit nur damit es eine Anerkennung und Bestätigung bekommt dass es geliebt ist.

4. Wie wehrt man sich gegen dieses Ungeheuer?
Falls Sie diese Species jemals begegnen, sollen Sie sie einfach ignorieren. Diese Kreatur ist wie ein ängstlicher kleiner Hund, der bellt aber nicht beißt.
-------------------------------------------------------------------

HOMO KINDERGARTENNENSIS

1. Was ist ein Homo Kindergartennensis?
Eine neu entdeckte Species, die die Gestalt eines erwachsenen Menschen annimmt, die aber die psychische Reife eines 6-jährigen Kindes hat.

2. Wie sehen die Symptome aus?
- Oberflächlichkeit
- verdrehtes Selbstbild
- Unfähigkeit der eigenen Fehlern zu erkennen
- Tendenz der Schiebung von Schuld auf andere Leute und Schicksal.
- akute Proskrastination
- Inkonsistenz
- Überschätzung eigener Intelligenz
- Beeinflussbarkeit bzw. keine eigene Meinung
- unbegreifliche Abhängigkeit von Freunden u. Familien
- nicht vorhandene Verantwortungsbereitschaft
- Sturheit und Dickköpfigkeit
- ignorante Selbstverletzung/Destruktion
- Abergläubigkeit
- Selbsthypnose
- 'Lug und Trug', sogar gegenüber sich selbst
- nulle Verzeihungsbereitschaft
- Abneigung des Erwachsenwerdens
- das Unwissen des wahren Ich
- pervertierte Logik und die dadurch verursachte unvernünftige Handlung

3. Woran erkennt man ein Homo Kindergartennensis?
Hier ist ein deutliches Beispiel. Ein Schnitt eines Gespräches zwischen einem normalen Menschen (Herr Z) und einem getarnten Homo Kindergartennensis (Herr A) in einer alltäglichen Situation.

Herr A wollte seinen Führerschein verlängern lassen. Herr Z hatte seinen schon verlängern lassen und wollte Herrn A die ganze Bürokratie ersparen.
Herr Z: "Gehen Sie zum Bürgeramt in Berlinerstr. Da sind die Beamte lockerer und sie arbeiten auch schneller."
Herr A: "Aber ich will zum anderen Bürgeramt gehen."
Herr Z: "Nö, glauben Sie mir, da ist echt unkomplizierter. Komm, ich begleite Sie dahin."

Herr A wurde jetzt gereizt und fühlte sich von Herrn Z gezwungen. Voller Wut zerriss er plötzlich seinen eigenen Führerschein, um Herr Z zu zeigen dass er seinen Rat nicht abschätzte und ihm nicht gehorchen wollte.

Ein anderes Beispiel.
Herr A wurde wegen Lungenkollaps im Krankenhaus aufgenommen. Nach dem Krankenhausaufenthalt fing er an Kohlenstoffdioxid zu inhalieren, die zu einem anderen Kollaps führen konnte. Vor lauter Sorgsamkeit warnte Herr Z vor, dass er mit der schlechten Gewöhnheit aufhören sollte. Daraufhin setzte Herr A ihn ab, atmete den giftigen Stoff ein ohne Rücksicht auf seine eigene Lungen und lachte frohlich vor seiner Nase.

4. Wie wehrt man sich gegen dieses Ungeheuer?
Falls Sie diese Species jemals begegnen, hier ist nur ein Wort der Warnung angebracht:
"Rennt Schatzie, rennt!"
-----------------------------------------------------------------

Mit freundlichen Grüßen,
Dr. Karl Müller

No regret either

2010-05-10T00:20:00.000+02:00

Non, je ne regrette rien

Non ! Rien de rien
Non ! Je ne regrette rien
Ni le bien qu'on m'a fait
Ni le mal tout ça m'est bien égal !

Non ! Rien de rien
Non ! Je ne regrette rien
C'est payé, balayé, oublié
Je me fous du passé !

Avec mes souvenirs
J'ai allumé le feu
Mes chagrins, mes plaisirs
Je n'ai plus besoin d'eux !

Balayées les amours
Et tous leurs trémolos
Balayés pour toujours
Je repars à zéro

Non ! Rien de rien
Non ! Je ne regrette rien
Ni le bien qu'on m'a fait
Ni le mal tout ça m'est bien égal !

NO, I REGRET NOTHING

No, nothing of nothing
No! I don't feel sorry about anything
Not the good things people have done to me
Not the bad things, it's all the same to me.

No, nothing of nothing
No! I don't feel sorry about anything
It's paid for, removed, forgotten,
I'm happy of the past

With my memories
I lit up the fire
My troubles, my pleasures
I don't need them anymore

Broomed away my love stories
And all their tremble
Broomed away for always
I start again from zero

From: http://lyricstranslate.com

Five Traits a Guy Should Have Before You Get Serious

2010-05-07T01:34:00.003+02:00

Definitive research sheds light on the qualities that really matter in a dude when you're thinking long-term love.

Dating Trait #1: He Knows What He Wants
Any guy you're serious about should be able to articulate his long-term goals and passions (sorry, fantasy football and Xbox don't count). He can't ally himself with you until he has a sense of how he envisions his life in the future... and how you fit in. "If a man has no idea what he wants to be when he 'grows up,' then it will be impossible for him to commit to you," says Dobransky.
Don't assume he'll work things out, because when he does, you may realize his ambitions don't mesh with yours. "This mistake has contributed to the starter-marriage phenomenon, in which couples in their 20s and 30s suddenly realize they're going in different directions and divorce at an early age," says Dobransky. "It's preventable as long as you're both clear about your plans."
Dating Trait

#2: He Has a Sunny Outlook
A recent study led by the University of Oregon found that women who had upbeat partners felt more satisfied in their relationships and -- this is huge -- that the man's level of optimism determined the relationship's staying power. Not only is it nice to have someone help you see the silver lining of a situation that totally sucks, but cheerful guys are good at keeping things in perspective, so they don't let little conflicts get to them and can go with the flow.
Along with having an optimistic POV, it's also crucial that the guy you're seeing can make you laugh. "It's an important stress valve for any couple," says Les Parrott, PhD, coauthor of "Trading Places."
"Having a sense of humor helps you weather the rough patches that you'll inevitably encounter together." It shows that he is able to let loose and doesn't take things too seriously. Plus, you'll have a better time together if you can see the funny side of things.
Dating Trait

#3: He's Open to Changing for You
It's true you may not be able to change a man, but a guy should want to change for you. If a facet of his behavior irks you (for example, maybe he's not attentive enough in certain circumstances), he should be game to hear you out, listen to how you'd like him to do things differently, and then act on those suggestions. "When a guy is truly in love, he is more self-reflective and will work on the aspects of himself that bother you," says Diana Kirschner, PhD, author of "Love in 90 Days." "Studies have found that successful married couples change each other quite a bit over time."
More important, a man needs to have the capacity to transform and grow with you -- e.g., he takes an interest in going to art galleries with you, even if he's more of a couch-and-ESPN kind of guy. "If he's not willing to expand his interests to mesh with yours, you're going to outpace him," explains Kirschner. "It's likely you'll grow restless, and the relationship will become stale."
Dating Trait

#4: He's Still a Little Mysterious
The beginning of a relationship is always exciting because you're just getting to know each other. But even after the newness wears off, it's essential that a man keeps you guessing. "If you can never quite pin down what makes him tick, that's actually a healthy thing," says Kirschner. Although at first you might feel more bonded to a guy who shares tons of personal info with you, over time, you risk losing the intrigue that pulled you to him initially. You might start to see him as more of a friend than a romantic partner.
Of course, you want him to open up about topics like his family, but he should keep some boundaries too. Relating every detail of his life (think updates on his nasty toe fungus) is relationship-killing TMI. A good gauge in the early stages of coupledom: He doesn't spill all about his pals. "It's an indicator that he understands how to keep things private," says Kirschner.
Dating Trait

#5: He's Responsible with Money
Besides giving you a heads-up about money-related conflicts you might encounter in the future (one of the topics long-term couples argue about most), how a guy handles cash reveals a lot about his character. Positive signs: He keeps the receipt after paying for a meal, or you notice several credit-card offers in his stack of mail (it may indicate he has good credit).
"A man who doesn't track his money shows a lack of patience and self-control," says Dobransky. "In fact, guys who are financially reckless share many traits with men who cheat." But you also don't want to be with a tightwad. If a dude doesn't splurge now and then, it may mean he'll be stingy in other ways, such as compromising during a fight.

By dating blogger Mina Azodi for Cosmopolitan

Priests on a Hawaii vacation

2010-05-06T10:47:00.005+02:00

Two Priests decided to go to Hawaii on vacation.

They were determined to make this a real vacation by not wearing anything that would identify them as clergy. As soon as the plane landed they headed for a store and bought some really outrageous shorts, shirts, sandals, sunglasses, etc.

The next morning they went to the beach dressed in their "tourist" garb. They were sitting on beach chairs,

enjoying a drink, the sunshine and the scenery when a "drop dead gorgeous" blonde in a topless bikini came walking straight towards them. They couldn't help but stare.

As the blonde passed them she smiled and said "Good Morning, Father ~ Good Morning, Father," nodding and addressing each of them individually, then she passed on by. They were both stunned. How in the world did she know they were priests? So the next day, they went back to the store and bought even more outrageous outfits.

These were so loud you could hear them before you even saw them! Once again, in their new attire, they settled down in their chairs to enjoy the sunshine. After a little while, the same gorgeous blonde, wearing a different coloured topless bikini, taking her sweet time, came walking toward them. Again she nodded at each of them, said

"Good morning, Father ~ Good morning, Father," and started to walk away.
One of the Priests couldn't stand it any longer and said, "Just a minute, young lady."

"Yes, Father?"

"We are Priests and proud of it, but I have to know, how in the world do you know we are priests, dressed as we are?"

She replied,

"Father, it's me, Sister Kathleen".