I'm blessed

Aku dilahirkan tidak sempurna.

Sampai bosan aku dengar dokter berkata,"operasi."
Jangan tanya berapa kali, percayalah,
Anda tak ingin tahu..
dan tiap kali aku pun berdoa,"Tuhan, kirimkanlah mujizatMu,
seperti yang Engkau lakukan di cerita2 alkitab."
Dia membisu, mungkin juga tuli.
Sampai bosan pula aku berbaring telanjang diatas ranjang dorong rumah sakit,
menunggu saat aku masuk ke ruang steril dan dingin,
dimana dokter menunggu dengan pisau tajam dan obat bius.

Jangan Anda kira imanku kurang kuat, tidak..
Dulu semasaku kecil, aku percaya,
percaya tanpa ragu bahwa Ia bapaku diatas sana.
Aku bercerita, bicara, menangis, tertawa.
Ia sungguh nyata untukku.

Semakin dewasa, semakin apatislah aku,
Betapa aku jauh, sampai ke batas agnostik.
merasa tidak butuh Dia.
Bunyi doaku," Tuhan, KALAU Engkau ada, ..."
tidak lagi aku menangis, lupakan bicara.
Aku kecewa.

Rumah sakit, suntikan morfin, dan kursi roda lebih nyata bagiku.
Dia hilang dibelakang bayang bayang kesakitanku.

Sampai suatu hari aku duduk di mobil dengan ayahku.
Ada pengemis cacat yang tidak bisa berjalan.
Kata ayahku,"Lihat, itu kamu dulu."

Dan tersentaklah aku.
Betapa aku terberkati,
Disampingku ada ayah ibu yang begitu mencintaiku,
tidak pernah berpikir panjang membuang uang
membiayai semua operasiku yang tidak murah,
Betapa kuatnya ayahku, guruku,
bagaimana ia mengajariku tentang hidup,
untuk selalu tegar dan tetap tersenyum.
Betapa lembutnya ibuku,
menyuapiku, mendorongku di kursi rodaku,
memberiku semua yang terbaik.
Saat kurunut berkat-berkatku,
tercenganglah aku.
Aku kaya.

Dan aku pun sadar,
Ia tidak bisu, juga tidak tuli.
Ia berbisik, aku yang kurang mendengarkan.
Ia menjawab, aku yang menutup telinga.
Ia mungkin tidak memberikan apa yang aku minta,
tapi Ia selalu memberikan apa yang aku butuh.
Ia tidak memberiku kesehatan,
tapi Ia memberiku pilar kekuatan untuk tersenyum.
Dan itu lebih dari cukup.

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Puisi ini kudapat dari adikku. Betapa indah..
I asked God for strength, that I might achieve. I was made weak, that I might learn to obey.
I asked for health, that I might do greater things. I was given infirmity, that I might do better things.
I asked for riches, that I might be happy. I was given poverty, that I might be wise.
I asked for power, that I might have the praise of men. I was given weakness, that I might feel the need of GOD.
I asked for all things, that I might enjoy life. I was given life, that I might enjoy all things.
I got nothing that I asked for, but everything I had hoped for.
Almost despite myself, my unspoken prayers were answered.
I am, among all men, most richly blessed.

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I was born imperfect.

How bored I was, hearing the doctors said,"surgery"
Please don't ask how many times,
trust me, you don't want to know..
and everytime I prayed,"God, please send me your miracles,
just like You did in the bible."
But He kept quiet, maybe even deaf
Ah how bored I was, lying naked on a rolling bed,
waiting to be pushed into a cold sterile room
where the doctors waited with sharp knives and anesthetics

Don't you dare say my faith's not strong enough,
Back then, I truly believed
believing without doubt that He's my father up there,
I told Him stories, talked, cried, laughed,
He's real for me.

The more I grew up, the more apathetic I became.
How far I was, to the border of being agnostic.
I felt like I didn't need Him
This is how my prayer sounded,"God, IF you're there,.."
I didn't cry anymore, let alone talk..
I was disappointed.

Hospitals, morphine shots, wheelchairs were far more real,
He faded away behind the shadow of my pain.

Then one day I was sitting in car with my dad,
we saw a beggar who couldn't walk,
and said my dad,"Look, you were he."

How shocked I was,
I am blessed.
to have such nice parents,
who never think twice, paying for my expensive surgeries,
How strong my father is, my teacher,
teaching me about life,
how to be strong and to always smile.
How gentle my mother is,
feeding me, pushing my wheelchair around,
giving me only the best.
When I count my blessings,
I'm amazed,
I am rich.

And I realized,
He's not mute, nor deaf..
He whispered, I didn't listen,
He answered, I closed my ears.
Maybe he didn't give me what I want,
but he always gives me what I need.
He didn't give me perfect health,
but he gave me my strength pillar to smile.
And it's more than enough :)

I got this poem from my brother, how beautiful..

I asked God for strength, that I might achieve. I was made weak, that I might learn to obey.
I asked for health, that I might do greater things. I was given infirmity, that I might do better things.
I asked for riches, that I might be happy. I was given poverty, that I might be wise.
I asked for power, that I might have the praise of men. I was given weakness, that I might feel the need of GOD.
I asked for all things, that I might enjoy life. I was given life, that I might enjoy all things.
I got nothing that I asked for, but everything I had hoped for.
Almost despite myself, my unspoken prayers were answered.
I am, among all men, most richly blessed.