Ok. Three posts in a day are definitely too much, but well, I'm sitting here in a cafe, waiting for a friend and got nothing better to do.
Again, this is about a friend who told me, she wanted to love others around her. She would like to devote her life to make others happy. Her dream is to build a shelter for underprivileged children and to teach them. I really think this is very noble of her, but since I know her quite well, I know that she has a form of depression in which she chastises and hates herself. She thinks that human beings are evil to begin with. A concept fairly strange to me as I always believe that human beings are goodhearted in the beginning. What changes them, us, is circumstances, necessity, wounds, bitterness.
Ah, forget about me and my perception, this is about her.
Then I asked her cautiously,"Wouldn't it be better to learn to love yourself first?"
She answered,"Nope. Others come first. This way I will feel better"
The last time I heard, she let many people down and turned her back to people who love her, including her family. So much for her devotion to other people. She was severely depressed. Her insecurity and self hatred made her uncapable of loving. Her negativity drown her and others around her. I kept thinking how she should've focused on her own healing. Beggars can't be givers.
I do sincerely hope she'll get through the depression phase and start learning to love herself, which will give her the capacity of fulfilling her noble dream.
I happened to stumble upon this,
"why is everybody happy but me?"
"Because they have learned to see beauty and goodness everywhere." said the master.
"why dont I see beauty and goodness everywhere?"
"Because you can't see outside of you what you fail to see inside."
So very true..