*A post I wrote around a year ago. Before the death of my Christianity. Totally invested with arrogance :)
I still remember about someone who evangelized to me, saying that I would never be truly happy without Christ in my life. There's a void in my soul, which can only be filled by the holy spirit. I need to follow my heart, ask God to touch my heart, shutting down my reasoning, knowledge and brain.
I used to think maybe he's right and sincerely asked,"Is it really that easy? To shut down our brain and stop questioning?"
He answered,"Of course. Been there, done that. Just let it happen and without you realizing it, you'll probably start speaking in tounges. I'll support you." And he gave me a very reassuring smile.
Me: "Ok. Guide me."
After a while, I started to ask him a lot of questions about the bible, the church history, etc. How disappointed I was that he could never answer my questions and berate me for asking instead.
His typical response of my biblical questions is "I can't answer that. I've never questioned it. I just believe. I'll pray that God answers your questions directly."
His response of questions about the history of bible, first catholic church, crusades, etc : "What's crusade? Never heard of it. Well, I'm not interested in history as well. It's about the essence of a relationship with God. Just ignore the history. History can be tainted as well"
His response to evolution: "There's no proof of evolution. If there were evolution, why do monkeys still exist?"
I was exasperated.. It's so obvious that he never read anything apart from the Bible. This is a type of guy who never had friends from different religions nor backgrounds, never bothered to read nor watch "secular" stuffs, cringed everytime I mentioned my gay friends, saw his history and biology lessons in school as huge lies and propaganda against his belief. So are his fundamentalist church friends, unfortunately. It's really a pity seeing how far they would limit themselves.. How cozy they are in their box, closing their eyes, rejecting different ideas, people, the possibility that maybe there're other worlds out there.
I called them christian Taliban, who would burn Copernicus for saying the earth isn't the center of the universe, if they had the chance.
I told him quite arrogantly (I'm not proud of this),"You can't make me see that your restaurant is the best, if you've never eaten in other restaurants before. Go broaden your horizon. Read more about the world you're living in, ask questions about the history of your own belief, as it's ironic that I know more about your own belief than you. Stop focusing on the afterlife and make the most of your present life. Make more friends from different backgrounds, learn about other beliefs out there. Get out of your box. And we'll talk when you're there."
I know he won't. He's warm enough in the box, why would someone leave the nest if they could stay?
As for now, I'm still not sure of what true happiness really means, but I've experienced that fear of afterlife, damnation of my original sin, castration of freedom and intellectual eunuchism in Christianity do not bring me happiness.