April 26, 2010

Krista & Tatiana Hogan the siamese twin

just watched a reportage about a siamese twin, joined at the head, sharing one brain. If one's tickled, the other'll laugh. It is even said that Krista could see through Tatiana's eyes.

People's stares are nothing new. Some even said to their mother,"They should be kept behind bars, in a cage. Why did you even give birth to them, bringing them out in public?" OMG, I just can't believe how ignorant people can be.

Said another siamese twin to their mother,"Life will be hard for them. You have to prepare them for it."

An excerpt from Wikipedia

Krista Hogan and Tatiana Hogan (born October 25, 2006) are craniopagus conjoined twins. They are joined at the top, backs, and sides of their heads. They were born in Vancouver, British Columbia, Canada, and are the only craniopagus twins currently alive in Canada.[1]

At birth, they were described as "wriggly, vigorous and very vocal."[2]

They live with their mother, Felicia Simms, in Vernon, British Columbia and travel to Vancouver for care at BC Children's Hospital and Sunny Hill Health Centre for Children. Their father is Brendan Hogan.[3]

Tests on the twin girls in April 2007 showed that Tatiana's heart is working harder than her sister's and that she has high blood pressure because of it. Tatiana is smaller and less robust than Krista. A surgery is planned to give Krista's heart a "jump start" so Tatiana's heart will not have to work so hard.[4]

The twins' nervous systems are highly interconnected; their doctors reported that when one of the girls is tickled, the other jumps, and that putting a pacifier in the mouth of one child could cause the other to stop crying.[4]

Their birth, potential separation, depth of community support and their family's financial situation have been subject to significant media coverage in Canada. The twins and their mother were also guests on The Tyra Banks Show in the US.

In August 2007, it was declared the girls cannot be separated, due to the likelihood of the surgery killing or paralyzing one or both girls.

A letter from an aborted baby girl

Dear Mommy,

I am in Heaven now... I so wanted to be your little girl. I don't quite understand what has happened. I was so excited when I began realizing my existence. I was in a dark, yet comfortable place. I saw I had fingers and toes. I was pretty far along in my developing, yet not near ready to leave my surroundings. I spent most of my time thinking or sleeping. Even from my earliest days, I felt a special bonding between you and me.

Sometimes I heard you crying and I cried with you. Sometimes you would yell or scream, then cry. I heard Daddy yelling back. I was sad, and hoped you would be better soon. I wondered why you cried so much. One day you cried almost all of the day. I hurt for you. I couldn't imagine why you were so unhappy.

That same day, the most horrible thing happened. A very mean monster came into that warm, comfortable place I was in. I was so scared, I began screaming, but you never once tried to help me. Maybe you never heard me. The monster got closer and closer as I was screaming and screaming, "Mommy, Mommy, help me please; Mommy, help me." Complete terror is all I felt. I screamed and screamed until I thought I couldn't anymore. Then the monster started ripping my arms off. It hurt so bad; the pain I can never explain. It didn't stop.

Oh, how I begged it to stop. I screamed in horror as it ripped my leg off.

Though I was in such complete pain, I was dying. I knew I would never see your face or hear you say how much you love me. I wanted to make all your tears go away. I had so many plans to make you happy. Now I couldn't; all my dreams were shattered. Though I was in utter pain and horror, I felt the pain of my heart breaking, above all. I wanted more than anything to be your daughter. No use now, for I was dying a painful death. I could only imagine the terrible things that they had done to you. I wanted to tell you that I love you before I was gone, but I didn't know the words you could understand.

And soon, I no longer had the breath to say them; I was dead. I felt myself rising. I was being carried by a huge angel into a big beautiful place. I was still crying, but the physical pain was gone. The angel took me away to a wonderful place... Then I was happy. I asked the angel what was the thing was that killed me. He answered, "Abortion". I am sorry, for I know how it feels." I don't know what abortion is; I guess that's the name of the monster. I'm writing to say that I love you and to tell you how much I wanted to be your little girl . I tried very hard to live. I wanted to live. I had the will, but I couldn't; the monster was too powerful. It sucked my arms and legs off and finally got all of me. It was impossible to live. I just wanted you to know I tried to stay with you. I didn't want to die. Also,Mommy, please watch out for that abortion monster. Mommy, I love you and I would hate for you to go through the kind of pain I did. Please be careful.

Your Baby Girl

April 25, 2010

Pure Happiness

- Mittag Bento
- Homemade Mango Lassi Eis
- Carwash
- heiße Schokolade
- Espresso-Choco-Cheesecake
- klatsch und tratsch
- das schöne Wetter
- die Spree
- coole Freunde
- tolle Unterhaltung
- riesige Pizza
- vollmundiger Wein
- herzliches Lachen
- geteiltes tiefes Geheimnis
- warme Dämmerung
- Kreuzberg
- neue Leute
- no-name Kneipe
- Berliner Weiße
- gute Laune
- neuen Kiez erkunden
- Flohmarkt
- Friedrichshain
- der Sonnenschein
- Fußblasen
- Straßenmusik
- Eistee
- gute Bücher
- Endorphine
- Kamera
- gutes Essen
- Rückenschmerzen
- erschöpfte Heimfahrt

sind die einfachste Dinge, die eine Wi zum Lächeln gebracht haben.
Ach, wie sie das Leben liebt und wie sie sich pudelwohl fühlt... vor allem dass sie schon gelernt hat, die kleinste Dinge zu schätzen und von einer anderen Perspektive zu sehen.

April 23, 2010

Now I'm whole.

I've been through hard times in life,
pain was and still is my best friend.
But I'm glad,
knowing I was given the chance to know how beautiful life is.
I've seen the darkest night,
so I can appreciate the beauty of daylight.
I've shed litres of tears,
so I can appreciate a faint smile.
I didnt get all things I wanted handed on a gold tray.
I had to fight for so many things people took for granted.
But I'm glad, I've been given the privilege to mature in my young age,
to grow up, to see beyond the dark horizon.
learning the art of acceptance, perseverance, and happiness.
I know who I am, my capability, my depth.
I know I still make mistakes, recognizing and learning from them,
trying hard to fix them, but in the same time was forced to let go.
But now I can say, I've done what I had to do.
I know I still have so many things to learn,
but I also know I've always taken responsibilities into my own hands,
doing my best, never blaming God, people nor destiny.
Thanks for all those in my life, who had teached me significant lessons.
And a special thanks goes out to someone out there,
You've opened my eyes, seeing how ignorant immature souls can be.
And thanks to your words,"Don't wait anymore.", I realized,
I am steps ahead of you, and true, I won't wait anymore.
I'll stop expecting and pushing a stubborn child to grow up in a blink of an eye.
It will take an eternity. Hardships and experiences still need to be endured.
I was hurt and broken, but I've risen above the ashes.
I've learned my hard-earned lessons.
So now I can smile and say that no matter what,
my. soul. is. whole.

Wi, a fragile little girl reluctantly trying to grow up

April 21, 2010

I'm blessed

Aku dilahirkan tidak sempurna.

Sampai bosan aku dengar dokter berkata,"operasi."
Jangan tanya berapa kali, percayalah,
Anda tak ingin tahu..
dan tiap kali aku pun berdoa,"Tuhan, kirimkanlah mujizatMu,
seperti yang Engkau lakukan di cerita2 alkitab."
Dia membisu, mungkin juga tuli.
Sampai bosan pula aku berbaring telanjang diatas ranjang dorong rumah sakit,
menunggu saat aku masuk ke ruang steril dan dingin,
dimana dokter menunggu dengan pisau tajam dan obat bius.

Jangan Anda kira imanku kurang kuat, tidak..
Dulu semasaku kecil, aku percaya,
percaya tanpa ragu bahwa Ia bapaku diatas sana.
Aku bercerita, bicara, menangis, tertawa.
Ia sungguh nyata untukku.

Semakin dewasa, semakin apatislah aku,
Betapa aku jauh, sampai ke batas agnostik.
merasa tidak butuh Dia.
Bunyi doaku," Tuhan, KALAU Engkau ada, ..."
tidak lagi aku menangis, lupakan bicara.
Aku kecewa.

Rumah sakit, suntikan morfin, dan kursi roda lebih nyata bagiku.
Dia hilang dibelakang bayang bayang kesakitanku.

Sampai suatu hari aku duduk di mobil dengan ayahku.
Ada pengemis cacat yang tidak bisa berjalan.
Kata ayahku,"Lihat, itu kamu dulu."

Dan tersentaklah aku.
Betapa aku terberkati,
Disampingku ada ayah ibu yang begitu mencintaiku,
tidak pernah berpikir panjang membuang uang
membiayai semua operasiku yang tidak murah,
Betapa kuatnya ayahku, guruku,
bagaimana ia mengajariku tentang hidup,
untuk selalu tegar dan tetap tersenyum.
Betapa lembutnya ibuku,
menyuapiku, mendorongku di kursi rodaku,
memberiku semua yang terbaik.
Saat kurunut berkat-berkatku,
tercenganglah aku.
Aku kaya.

Dan aku pun sadar,
Ia tidak bisu, juga tidak tuli.
Ia berbisik, aku yang kurang mendengarkan.
Ia menjawab, aku yang menutup telinga.
Ia mungkin tidak memberikan apa yang aku minta,
tapi Ia selalu memberikan apa yang aku butuh.
Ia tidak memberiku kesehatan,
tapi Ia memberiku pilar kekuatan untuk tersenyum.
Dan itu lebih dari cukup.

Puisi ini kudapat dari adikku. Betapa indah..
I asked God for strength, that I might achieve. I was made weak, that I might learn to obey.
I asked for health, that I might do greater things. I was given infirmity, that I might do better things.
I asked for riches, that I might be happy. I was given poverty, that I might be wise.
I asked for power, that I might have the praise of men. I was given weakness, that I might feel the need of GOD.
I asked for all things, that I might enjoy life. I was given life, that I might enjoy all things.
I got nothing that I asked for, but everything I had hoped for.
Almost despite myself, my unspoken prayers were answered.
I am, among all men, most richly blessed.


I was born imperfect.

How bored I was, hearing the doctors said,"surgery"
Please don't ask how many times,
trust me, you don't want to know..
and everytime I prayed,"God, please send me your miracles,
just like You did in the bible."
But He kept quiet, maybe even deaf
Ah how bored I was, lying naked on a rolling bed,
waiting to be pushed into a cold sterile room
where the doctors waited with sharp knives and anesthetics

Don't you dare say my faith's not strong enough,
Back then, I truly believed
believing without doubt that He's my father up there,
I told Him stories, talked, cried, laughed,
He's real for me.

The more I grew up, the more apathetic I became.
How far I was, to the border of being agnostic.
I felt like I didn't need Him
This is how my prayer sounded,"God, IF you're there,.."
I didn't cry anymore, let alone talk..
I was disappointed.

Hospitals, morphine shots, wheelchairs were far more real,
He faded away behind the shadow of my pain.

Then one day I was sitting in car with my dad,
we saw a beggar who couldn't walk,
and said my dad,"Look, you were he."

How shocked I was,
I am blessed.
to have such nice parents,
who never think twice, paying for my expensive surgeries,
How strong my father is, my teacher,
teaching me about life,
how to be strong and to always smile.
How gentle my mother is,
feeding me, pushing my wheelchair around,
giving me only the best.
When I count my blessings,
I'm amazed,
I am rich.

And I realized,
He's not mute, nor deaf..
He whispered, I didn't listen,
He answered, I closed my ears.
Maybe he didn't give me what I want,
but he always gives me what I need.
He didn't give me perfect health,
but he gave me my strength pillar to smile.
And it's more than enough :)

I got this poem from my brother, how beautiful..

I asked God for strength, that I might achieve. I was made weak, that I might learn to obey.
I asked for health, that I might do greater things. I was given infirmity, that I might do better things.
I asked for riches, that I might be happy. I was given poverty, that I might be wise.
I asked for power, that I might have the praise of men. I was given weakness, that I might feel the need of GOD.
I asked for all things, that I might enjoy life. I was given life, that I might enjoy all things.
I got nothing that I asked for, but everything I had hoped for.
Almost despite myself, my unspoken prayers were answered.
I am, among all men, most richly blessed.

April 20, 2010

The serenity prayer

grant me the serenity,
to accept things I can not change,

courage to change things I can,
and wisdom to know the difference.

-one of my fave prayers :D

April 12, 2010

a double sided blade

Every coin has two sides, absolute is void.

I've always been strong, maybe even too strong..God gave me burdens and strength to carry my cross. Life forced me to be stronger and tougher..I pushed myself forward, never giving up, not allowing myself to cry. I held my head up high, facing life and it's obstacles.. never letting myself fall and break down. Even if I did, I got up in a matter of seconds. I never stopped to think that this strength would harm me..since it'd taken me far through life.

But now I see, my strength is a double sided blade. If it's too sharp, it will harm myself and those people around me.. I somehow forgot that not everyone in the world has the same amount of strength.. I always thought,"If I can do it, then everyone else should also be able to." I forgot that everyone learned on different pace, and learned different lessons.

When they broke down, still moaning, whining and licking their wounds, I'd pulled myself back up on my feet and kept going on. I'd never waited nor given time for them.. I tried to hold their hands, those people I loved.. trying to pull them to run with me.. But in the end they let go of my hands.. they couldn't keep up with my speed.. and they're tired of always having to run with me.. In the end I won because I'm strong.. but there at the end of the race,at the finish line, I stood alone.. I guess the saying is true.. The winnder stands alone. It's lonely and tiring.. But I just can't let myself fall down, because if I fell, I'm afraid I wouldn't be able to stand up anymore.. Those burdens are really weighing me down sometimes.. But I know there's nobody there to catch me if I fall..