March 3, 2013

Loving yourself

I went for coffee with a girlfriend a few days ago. She told me she recently joined a meditation group. She used to think she always had a problem in her love life.. She jumped from one guy to another guy, crushing on them and having her heart broken many times. She told her meditation guru about her problem and he said something that shook her to the core. "You know what your problem is? You don't love yourself."

Now she has learned to love herself, accepting herself.. She smiled beautifully and said,"I used to try to impress people by dressing up, coming up with witty lines. But now I realize, I don't need to be as pretty as a model, or as smart as you, Wi. I am special in my own way and I don't care what people think about me. "

The moment she said that, I replied,"I'm so glad you're finally there, girl. Welcome to insanity."

I can relate so much to her.
I didn't know how to love myself back then, jumping from one relationship to another. I couldn't stay single for more than a few months. My self worth depended on people who loved me.
Because I didn't know how to be happy with myself, I relied on others to make me happy.. thus setting up expectations and forced people to comply to a set guideline "How to make Wi happy". And guess what, I was not happy either, I was disappointed all the time.

Now that I've learned to love myself, I am happier than ever. I don't rely on other people to make me smile anymore. I sing and dance to the music coming from within, not caring about what people think about me. And the funny thing is that I start to love everyone unconditionally.. You can be as idiosyncratic as you can be, say mean things, and I won't hold grudges against you and will still accept you as you are.
"You are who you are, it is what it is". Everything/ everyone is actually ok as it is, the one who puts label on everything is me. The moment I stop judging and trying to change things, everything falls perfectly in it's place.

Now I understand the meaning of the phrase "Love sets free". I won't hold on to people, forcing them to stay to make me feel happy or complete. As a matter of fact, I am complete, with or without them. Everyone (just like me) deserves to be happy as well, with or without me. Love is not blind, it sees (with utmost transparency) but does not judge, nor does it mind.

A dear friend asked me,"Can I be like you? Just be myself, happy with myself and not caring about other people's opinions?"
I asked back,"Are you still afraid of losing someone you love? Have you learned to let go?"
He: "Yes, of course Im afraid of losing. Who doesn't? Isn't that normal?"
Me: "Love wishes others the best, whatever it is. Fear of losing is ego, possessiveness."
He: "I've lost someone I loved. Define letting go."
Me: "Letting go is accepting everything that had happened, without blaming anyone (esp not yourself), and sincerely wishing that someone who had hurt you his/her happiness.. With or without you. No grudges whatsoever"
He: "Can you?"
Me: "Yes I can."

When I stated "Yes I can", I realized, I am there :)

Now that I'm enjoying the company of myself, funny thing happens. My friends request my company, and strangers want to get to know me.
Loving yourself doesn't mean you're being arrogant and narcissistic, it only means you have the capability of loving others just as you love yourself..I am beautiful in my own way, and so are you all :)

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