I just realized, the most unhappy people are they who are self absorbed, thinking that they're the center of the world.
I'm currently surrounded by sad and depressed people telling me their awful circumstances in life. One thing they have in common: these people use a lot of "I" word. It's always about them.
A friend is currently broken hearted. Ok, I won't say anything, since it's a very emotionally challenging situation in which you're hurting and not able to take a distance, seeing things in other perspectives. But the question she asked was,"Why does this happen to me? I never did harmful things, I don't deserve such pain. Why does God let it happen, Wi? Whats the reason? I hate him"
I answered,"I don't know. Shit happens to good people. It is what it is. Maybe god wants you to be stronger. A good sword has to be burned in the process. The best you can do is accept the pain, let him go, learn from it and be better next time. No need to hate, he's the best teacher in your life. No worry, the pain will subside, nothing lasts forever, not even pain."
Another friend keeps complaining about her engagement diamond her fiance gave her. It's not big enough :) She told her man,"Your parents are so naggy, this diamond is so not worth the troubles I have to go through with your parents. I know your salary, you can afford better than this."
Another friend is a very self absorbed person. We always talk about her problem, her boyfriend, her life, her work and she tends to sweat over small stuffs, got angry and depressed.
Another friend, a he this time, fell in depression as he dwells in his past mistakes and feels worthless about himself. He pushes away people, saying "I always hurt people close to me. I hate myself, my life is a living hell."
At a first glance, he seems like he's thinking about other people's welfare, but after I got to know him, I realized he's a very self centered person as well. He pities himself, and enjoys being the "criminal", thinks that he commits the worst sins in the history of human being. He puts himself on a negative pedestal and kicks away everybody else. I think this is an inward projection of self absorption, in which he blames himself instead of others.
Whereas other friends of mine project the self absorption outwards, in which they blame others around them for their misfortunes and unhappiness.
But all of them display one similarity. It's always about ME. "I deserve a bigger diamond. I have the worst colleague ever. I hate myself, etc"
I thought to myself, wouldn't life be easier if we open our eyes and see that there're people with worse conditions than us? If we stop focusing on ourselves and stop putting ourselves in such high or low pedestals? Why can't we just BE? Do our best we can, accept things we can't change and learn from them. I mean, we can't always control what happens to us, but we can control the way we deal with the problems, can't we?
"It's not what happens to you, but how you react to it that matters." -Epictetus
I used to be self centered as well, dwelling in my pity party, bitter and hating, until at one point, I'm tired of being negative. Negativity, bitterness, anger hurt ourselves. Why do I have to be such a stupid masochist, so keen on hurting myself? The moment I shifted the focus away from myself, put myself down from the ME pedestal, I feel much more free and happy. I stopped caring about what others think of me, stopped being paranoid and sensitive. I felt liberated. And I did others well too, as I stopped being so judgmental and stopped thinking negatively about people.
I just hope that someday people will stop their self absorption, pity party and just start being happy.