Too cool !! :D
January 8, 2012
Zen wisdom on letting go
Tanzan the master and young Ekido were once traveling together down a muddy road. A heavy rain was still falling.
Coming around a bend, they met a lovely girl in a silk kimono and sash, unable to cross the intersection.
"Come on, girl," said Tanzan at once. Lifting her in his arms, he carried her over the mud.
Ekido did not speak again until that night when they reached a lodging temple. Then he no longer could restrain himself. "We monks don't go near females," he told Tanzan, "especially not young and lovely ones. It is dangerous. Why did you do that?"
"I left the girl there," said Tanzan. "Are you still carrying her?"
-----------------------------------------
I had a big row with my mom recently, afterwards I was moody the whole day and kept thinking about the row. Though I know the theory of letting go of the past and emotional detachment, but it is so difficult in reality.
I wish I could be calmer in handling the situation and balancing my state of mind. I hope that someday my heart will be more like a deep ocean, where the storm can stir the surface but not shake the depth.
*sigh..
I am Ekido, who still carries the girl in his mind, even long after the girl is gone.
Coming around a bend, they met a lovely girl in a silk kimono and sash, unable to cross the intersection.
"Come on, girl," said Tanzan at once. Lifting her in his arms, he carried her over the mud.
Ekido did not speak again until that night when they reached a lodging temple. Then he no longer could restrain himself. "We monks don't go near females," he told Tanzan, "especially not young and lovely ones. It is dangerous. Why did you do that?"
"I left the girl there," said Tanzan. "Are you still carrying her?"
-----------------------------------------
I had a big row with my mom recently, afterwards I was moody the whole day and kept thinking about the row. Though I know the theory of letting go of the past and emotional detachment, but it is so difficult in reality.
I wish I could be calmer in handling the situation and balancing my state of mind. I hope that someday my heart will be more like a deep ocean, where the storm can stir the surface but not shake the depth.
*sigh..
I am Ekido, who still carries the girl in his mind, even long after the girl is gone.
January 4, 2012
Requiem for my christianity
I think I've officially stopped looking for God and I stopped calling myself a Christian. Well, this didn't come to me as a shock, but still kinda surprising. It happened on Christmas night when I attended the mass, as we're about to say the apostle's creed "I believe in one God, Father almighty, creator of heaven and earth, ...", somehow I couldn't bring myself to say it. I don't believe in it anymore. I don't believe in the Bible, that it comes from God, written by men inspired by holy spirit. I do not believe in Jesus as THE only way, the truth and the light.
I do believe that there's a bigger power out there that exceeds our capacity of understanding, maybe it's indeed an almighty god, the universe, whatever. I have no answer to this and I'll leave this question open. And I do believe Jesus existed in the first place. So I won't necessarily call myself an atheist. But I can't accept the christian dogma that Jesus is the son of God, that I have to believe in Him as my savior and my god to be saved from eternal hell, despite of all the good deeds that I've done. I just can't accept this concept of an egocentric god who forces me to shut down my brain, denies me of answers and expects me to worship him, or else I'll burn eternally. And seeing as he is supposedly to know what I feel and think, I can't fool him by playing hypocrite either, saying I believe just because I fear the punishment. Either way, I'm going down apparently.
I've tried hard to abandon my logic 'head' and to listen more to my 'heart'. You might say I didn't try hard enough, well, I did. I spent more than two decades trying to find him, and still I got nothing. Maybe my creator doesn't think I'm good enough that he has to hide himself from me. In the critical times, when I was about to leave my faith, I was hovering at the door for years, unsure if I wanted to step out or step back in, but he never stopped me from going, never called my name and asked me to stay either. Apparently I wasn't important enough, he was too busy tending to his other good lambs that he didn't notice me leaving the herd. Hm, to think that I would even be happy to receive a lightning strike...
And honestly, it's not my fault that I was born in the 20th century, with good access to knowledge, having read lots of books while having a dad who is rational and a devoted Buddhist in addition. It's not my fault either that I'm equipped with a critical brain, that tends to ask questions. My parents told me even as a kid, I had been asking about stuffs all the time, that they bought me sets of encyclopedia just to stop me from harassing them with my endless questioning. I never chose my family nor my circumstances. If he wanted me to be a deaf and blind believer, then he might as well put me back in 14th century or maybe in a christian fundamentalist family with no access to knowledge. I might grow up as an avid believer, maybe even a crusader.
But the problem is he's supposed to be the one putting me in these shoes and having known about the church, bible and it's history, I've come to a realization that the bible isn't a god-sent holy scripture anyway.
It's a collection of people's stories, written based on their own perceptions. And who decided whose collections were good enough to be put in the bible? The early church and it's consensus. And what drove them? Politics and power.
Who decides if Jesus is the literal or figurative son of God? Please read about the First Council of Nicaea. The concept of Jesus' deity? Ask Constantine who worshiped a pagan sun god.
So, based on what evidence can I say that Jesus is the only way, maybe he didn't say so himself. Maybe the politicians changed what was originally stated in the scripture. History is written by the winners, isn't it? If Hitler had won the war, he might've described himself as Gandhi. Who knows?
Is the bible absolute and correct? Yes.
Who said so? The bible itself. Paradoxical, for me.
Reminds me somehow of Kim Jong Il and how the north koreans idolized him.
Well, now I left. And when someday he realizes that I'm not in the herd anymore and wants me back, I guess he'll know where to find me, wont he?
I really like Jesus's teachings about love, but apparently my not believing in his status as Son of God makes me unchristian (as this belief is the core of Christianity) and if the eternal hell is my consequence, so be it. Hm if you think of it, if you really believe that the almighty is great, good and just, won't you think he would have his own judgment system, for me, for the good and moral Moslems, Hindus, Buddhists, or gays out there? (who btw can't choose their sexuality and are doomed to deny their own sexuality for the rest of their life. Seriously, whoever said that this is a cross they need to carry are most definitely judgmental heterosexuals, who have never walked a mile in other people's shoes before). If that isn't the case, then come what may. As for now, the question of afterlife? Que sera sera.
I do believe that there's a bigger power out there that exceeds our capacity of understanding, maybe it's indeed an almighty god, the universe, whatever. I have no answer to this and I'll leave this question open. And I do believe Jesus existed in the first place. So I won't necessarily call myself an atheist. But I can't accept the christian dogma that Jesus is the son of God, that I have to believe in Him as my savior and my god to be saved from eternal hell, despite of all the good deeds that I've done. I just can't accept this concept of an egocentric god who forces me to shut down my brain, denies me of answers and expects me to worship him, or else I'll burn eternally. And seeing as he is supposedly to know what I feel and think, I can't fool him by playing hypocrite either, saying I believe just because I fear the punishment. Either way, I'm going down apparently.
I've tried hard to abandon my logic 'head' and to listen more to my 'heart'. You might say I didn't try hard enough, well, I did. I spent more than two decades trying to find him, and still I got nothing. Maybe my creator doesn't think I'm good enough that he has to hide himself from me. In the critical times, when I was about to leave my faith, I was hovering at the door for years, unsure if I wanted to step out or step back in, but he never stopped me from going, never called my name and asked me to stay either. Apparently I wasn't important enough, he was too busy tending to his other good lambs that he didn't notice me leaving the herd. Hm, to think that I would even be happy to receive a lightning strike...
And honestly, it's not my fault that I was born in the 20th century, with good access to knowledge, having read lots of books while having a dad who is rational and a devoted Buddhist in addition. It's not my fault either that I'm equipped with a critical brain, that tends to ask questions. My parents told me even as a kid, I had been asking about stuffs all the time, that they bought me sets of encyclopedia just to stop me from harassing them with my endless questioning. I never chose my family nor my circumstances. If he wanted me to be a deaf and blind believer, then he might as well put me back in 14th century or maybe in a christian fundamentalist family with no access to knowledge. I might grow up as an avid believer, maybe even a crusader.
But the problem is he's supposed to be the one putting me in these shoes and having known about the church, bible and it's history, I've come to a realization that the bible isn't a god-sent holy scripture anyway.
It's a collection of people's stories, written based on their own perceptions. And who decided whose collections were good enough to be put in the bible? The early church and it's consensus. And what drove them? Politics and power.
Who decides if Jesus is the literal or figurative son of God? Please read about the First Council of Nicaea. The concept of Jesus' deity? Ask Constantine who worshiped a pagan sun god.
So, based on what evidence can I say that Jesus is the only way, maybe he didn't say so himself. Maybe the politicians changed what was originally stated in the scripture. History is written by the winners, isn't it? If Hitler had won the war, he might've described himself as Gandhi. Who knows?
Is the bible absolute and correct? Yes.
Who said so? The bible itself. Paradoxical, for me.
Reminds me somehow of Kim Jong Il and how the north koreans idolized him.
Well, now I left. And when someday he realizes that I'm not in the herd anymore and wants me back, I guess he'll know where to find me, wont he?
I really like Jesus's teachings about love, but apparently my not believing in his status as Son of God makes me unchristian (as this belief is the core of Christianity) and if the eternal hell is my consequence, so be it. Hm if you think of it, if you really believe that the almighty is great, good and just, won't you think he would have his own judgment system, for me, for the good and moral Moslems, Hindus, Buddhists, or gays out there? (who btw can't choose their sexuality and are doomed to deny their own sexuality for the rest of their life. Seriously, whoever said that this is a cross they need to carry are most definitely judgmental heterosexuals, who have never walked a mile in other people's shoes before). If that isn't the case, then come what may. As for now, the question of afterlife? Que sera sera.
December 30, 2011
My 2011 Recap
Now that I think back on the past year, I think I've matured (or changed, though I can only hope in a more positive way) a little bit.
- The brand-minded girl
Ask me about Louis Vuitton purse series two years ago, and I could give you the exact answer, I followed the purse's forum, etc. Now? I don't even care about those shiny expensive brands anymore. Ok, I still carry around one, but it's from my old collection, as I do not intend to buy any bags, branded or not. And the funny thing is, I do not even feel the pride of carrying a more than a-thousand-dollar-bag anymore as I used to. I dont even eye what kind of bag the other girls are carrying anymore. Its just a bag after all. Hm, now that I say it aloud, I kinda wonder, is the reason behind it is that I'm getting poorer, financially speaking? :D Or getting more manly? *gasp!
- Being judgmental, putting labels on people
I used to be very judgmental about other people. I hated people who're depressive, whiny, weak, ignorant, and the list goes on. To put it better, I didnt like people who didnt measure up to my standards as I saw myself as a strong girl. I used to think, if I could do it, why couldn't you?
I was picky, selecting carefully who I wanted to befriend. My friends consisted mostly of people who're strong willed, arrogant, smart, free thinking.
But as I had some distortions in life, I went out of my comfort zone and somehow made friends with different people from different religious backgrounds, races, etc. And I realized they're good people and I started to become more accepting of differences. And I was happier that way.. And people told me I was fun to be with and to talk to. I guess it was because I started to accept people the way they are and stopped judging and comparing.. Wait, negative and depressed people still irked me though.
The lesson didnt stop there. Curiously, in the past year I was surrounded by 'holy' fundamentalist church goers and I was the one being judged as I'm not as devoted as they are. And I was angry thinking how dare they judged me, when they haven't even walked a mile in my shoes. Oops, I think karma does exist!
So, I was the judge and then the judged. The circle is complete and I understand. Now? I'm an extreme liberal, to the point where I can think that people are the way they are because they have their own reasons, their own life experiences. And since I never walked in their shoes, who am I to judge? Negative and depressed? Well, it's their own struggle. I do not claim the right to dislike them anymore.. They are who they are, and I am who I am. *Now am I being non-judgmental or more apathetic?
- Me, the control freak
Since I kinda adopted my dad's buddhist philosophy, that we hold everything in our own hand, that we can choose our own future and destiny, (I tend to forget that what we can choose is our state of mind), I was an extreme control freak. I had to get things right, I was arrogant, thinking that I could overcome everything. Which reminds me of a funny conversation with a friend a few months ago.
He used to be a hedonist, living life on a fast track, but now he's a christian convert. He tried to convert me as well, but didn't really work out since he still can't answer my questions and maybe I'm too bullheaded. He told me that there must be God who destines things for us. And he asked me "Haven't you tried your hardest but still it didn't work out in the end? That you suddenly feel the need to pray as you accept defeat?" I answered determined-and-arrogantly,"Nop. As long as it's in my hand and I do my best, I never failed." "Well then, you're lucky.", said my friend.
Recently I faced defeat, I've tried my best and things still didn't work out. At this point, I let go of my arrogance and reluctantly admitted that there are indeed things that are out of our control, that things can go wrong, no matter how hard we tried or fought for the cause. Apparently there's indeed a stronger power than myself, it might be god, cosmic power, the universal energy, whatever you believe in. And it brought me back to the realization that I'm not an almighty superman. But for some weird reasons, I didn't feel the need to bow down and pray as well (which reminds me of another story with some christian fellows, oh I'll need another paragraph). And it made me ponder on my life motto Opto ergo sum (I choose, therefore I am), that the point is, I'm free to choose my state of mind, but not necessarily how things turn out. So now in the face of the defeat, I still have the choice to choose whether I grumble and hold grudges, or I let go of things and see it as another valuable lesson in life. And with full awareness and conscience, I choose the latter.
I used to join a christian sharing group last year and the leader said there're two types of people. Carrots and eggs. Carrots are those who get weaker and softer while being boiled. Eggs are the ones who get harder instead. Anyway, the leader then asked all of us, how we perceived ourselves. As my turn came, I didn't even have the chance to open my mouth, and a friend answered for me,"Ah, she is an egg!!". Another friend even added,"No, she's not an egg, she's a rock. No matter how long you boil her, she'll stay hard." Well, I won't admit I'm a rock, as I wasn't that hard in the very beginning, but the egg part is somewhat true. Honestly, I would like to be a carrot, it's a lot easier to swim with the stream, but I don't think that's my core. Anyway, this is out of topic.
- Freedom
I used to care what people thought about me, I tried to please people, worrying that they didn't like me or gossiped about me. Now I don't. I think I've come to a point where I've accepted that no one is perfect. I am not and I don't need to be either. I'm happy with my fortes and flaws, ok, about flaws, I'll try to be better for humanity's sake (ok, I exaggerate a little bit hehe), but it's all a process. And as long as I'm in this process, I accept my flaws. What do I care if others don't, as long as I don't do others any harm.
I don't really know what I went through or what I did to come to this point, but I think maybe because I've stepped out of my comfort zone, spread out some wings and took the fall. I've faced my fear and therefore I know what I'm capable of, which gives me a sense of security somehow.
A friend told me once that she didnt really like me when she first met me, as she felt a bit insecure because she thought I was cute fun always-twittering, and she thought that I did it to attract guy's attention. But after she got to know me, she told me, that she didn't feel insecure anymore (she's a very smart, self reflective and independent girl, whom I admire very much), because I didn't pretend to be cute or funny, that's just the way I am. I am authentic. And I know that, I've stopped pretending to be someone I am not some time ago.
- Fear of abandonment
I used to be afraid of being alone. If we want to get psychoanalytic, it might be because of my childhood trauma or whatsoever. I've come to realize my codependency pattern that I couldn't be alone, I had to be around people. And I decided to put an end to the fear and learned to enjoy the company of myself. Afterall, I learned that the unknown won't be that scary anymore if we have taken the first step of facing our fear. I have to admit it isn't easy and I'm still trying to hang in this. But at this moment, I've realized that being alone and loneliness are two different things. The fine line is again our state of mind. Now I can proudly say, I am staying strong. I'm getting there, I know I'm getting there :)
"Growing old is mandatory but growing up is optional"
- The brand-minded girl
Ask me about Louis Vuitton purse series two years ago, and I could give you the exact answer, I followed the purse's forum, etc. Now? I don't even care about those shiny expensive brands anymore. Ok, I still carry around one, but it's from my old collection, as I do not intend to buy any bags, branded or not. And the funny thing is, I do not even feel the pride of carrying a more than a-thousand-dollar-bag anymore as I used to. I dont even eye what kind of bag the other girls are carrying anymore. Its just a bag after all. Hm, now that I say it aloud, I kinda wonder, is the reason behind it is that I'm getting poorer, financially speaking? :D Or getting more manly? *gasp!
- Being judgmental, putting labels on people
I used to be very judgmental about other people. I hated people who're depressive, whiny, weak, ignorant, and the list goes on. To put it better, I didnt like people who didnt measure up to my standards as I saw myself as a strong girl. I used to think, if I could do it, why couldn't you?
I was picky, selecting carefully who I wanted to befriend. My friends consisted mostly of people who're strong willed, arrogant, smart, free thinking.
But as I had some distortions in life, I went out of my comfort zone and somehow made friends with different people from different religious backgrounds, races, etc. And I realized they're good people and I started to become more accepting of differences. And I was happier that way.. And people told me I was fun to be with and to talk to. I guess it was because I started to accept people the way they are and stopped judging and comparing.. Wait, negative and depressed people still irked me though.
The lesson didnt stop there. Curiously, in the past year I was surrounded by 'holy' fundamentalist church goers and I was the one being judged as I'm not as devoted as they are. And I was angry thinking how dare they judged me, when they haven't even walked a mile in my shoes. Oops, I think karma does exist!
So, I was the judge and then the judged. The circle is complete and I understand. Now? I'm an extreme liberal, to the point where I can think that people are the way they are because they have their own reasons, their own life experiences. And since I never walked in their shoes, who am I to judge? Negative and depressed? Well, it's their own struggle. I do not claim the right to dislike them anymore.. They are who they are, and I am who I am. *Now am I being non-judgmental or more apathetic?
- Me, the control freak
Since I kinda adopted my dad's buddhist philosophy, that we hold everything in our own hand, that we can choose our own future and destiny, (I tend to forget that what we can choose is our state of mind), I was an extreme control freak. I had to get things right, I was arrogant, thinking that I could overcome everything. Which reminds me of a funny conversation with a friend a few months ago.
He used to be a hedonist, living life on a fast track, but now he's a christian convert. He tried to convert me as well, but didn't really work out since he still can't answer my questions and maybe I'm too bullheaded. He told me that there must be God who destines things for us. And he asked me "Haven't you tried your hardest but still it didn't work out in the end? That you suddenly feel the need to pray as you accept defeat?" I answered determined-and-arrogantly,"Nop. As long as it's in my hand and I do my best, I never failed." "Well then, you're lucky.", said my friend.
Recently I faced defeat, I've tried my best and things still didn't work out. At this point, I let go of my arrogance and reluctantly admitted that there are indeed things that are out of our control, that things can go wrong, no matter how hard we tried or fought for the cause. Apparently there's indeed a stronger power than myself, it might be god, cosmic power, the universal energy, whatever you believe in. And it brought me back to the realization that I'm not an almighty superman. But for some weird reasons, I didn't feel the need to bow down and pray as well (which reminds me of another story with some christian fellows, oh I'll need another paragraph). And it made me ponder on my life motto Opto ergo sum (I choose, therefore I am), that the point is, I'm free to choose my state of mind, but not necessarily how things turn out. So now in the face of the defeat, I still have the choice to choose whether I grumble and hold grudges, or I let go of things and see it as another valuable lesson in life. And with full awareness and conscience, I choose the latter.
I used to join a christian sharing group last year and the leader said there're two types of people. Carrots and eggs. Carrots are those who get weaker and softer while being boiled. Eggs are the ones who get harder instead. Anyway, the leader then asked all of us, how we perceived ourselves. As my turn came, I didn't even have the chance to open my mouth, and a friend answered for me,"Ah, she is an egg!!". Another friend even added,"No, she's not an egg, she's a rock. No matter how long you boil her, she'll stay hard." Well, I won't admit I'm a rock, as I wasn't that hard in the very beginning, but the egg part is somewhat true. Honestly, I would like to be a carrot, it's a lot easier to swim with the stream, but I don't think that's my core. Anyway, this is out of topic.
- Freedom
I used to care what people thought about me, I tried to please people, worrying that they didn't like me or gossiped about me. Now I don't. I think I've come to a point where I've accepted that no one is perfect. I am not and I don't need to be either. I'm happy with my fortes and flaws, ok, about flaws, I'll try to be better for humanity's sake (ok, I exaggerate a little bit hehe), but it's all a process. And as long as I'm in this process, I accept my flaws. What do I care if others don't, as long as I don't do others any harm.
I don't really know what I went through or what I did to come to this point, but I think maybe because I've stepped out of my comfort zone, spread out some wings and took the fall. I've faced my fear and therefore I know what I'm capable of, which gives me a sense of security somehow.
A friend told me once that she didnt really like me when she first met me, as she felt a bit insecure because she thought I was cute fun always-twittering, and she thought that I did it to attract guy's attention. But after she got to know me, she told me, that she didn't feel insecure anymore (she's a very smart, self reflective and independent girl, whom I admire very much), because I didn't pretend to be cute or funny, that's just the way I am. I am authentic. And I know that, I've stopped pretending to be someone I am not some time ago.
- Fear of abandonment
I used to be afraid of being alone. If we want to get psychoanalytic, it might be because of my childhood trauma or whatsoever. I've come to realize my codependency pattern that I couldn't be alone, I had to be around people. And I decided to put an end to the fear and learned to enjoy the company of myself. Afterall, I learned that the unknown won't be that scary anymore if we have taken the first step of facing our fear. I have to admit it isn't easy and I'm still trying to hang in this. But at this moment, I've realized that being alone and loneliness are two different things. The fine line is again our state of mind. Now I can proudly say, I am staying strong. I'm getting there, I know I'm getting there :)
"Growing old is mandatory but growing up is optional"
December 26, 2011
Just another bitter rant
I think I have to admit, at this point of my life I harbor resentment towards those those fanatical godsent churchgoers. A quite radical preacher I once met told someone that his inner eye and sensitive spirit fueled by God's wisdom saw a glimpse of my tortured soul and it was blackholey dark. He didn't even bother to have a chat with me before he made the conclusion. And he was quite persistent in his effort to reach me to get me back on the 'right' track. Well, at least I know for sure he and his loyal disciples are praying hard for my soul salvation today :)
Ok, I won't be saying anything about beliefs anymore. It brings us nowhere. They're devoted believers, whereas I ,um, how do I say this? am more like in between.
But still I wonder, how hard they try to uniform differences, how they would like to force me to see things exactly like how they see it.
I mean, let's take a so-called measurement ruler as an example. I might say it's a torture device (as I might have been beaten with one), you might say it's a nondescript plastic/wooden stuff. A student might say it's a device used to measure things, ask the tribal people out there, and they might give you other answers and point of view. Which of them is right? All of them are.
Some of us see the image of a pretty young lady, where as others see an old battered-looking woman. Which is true? You might start debating, but both are. It depends how we perceive the image, what past experiences we had, the list goes on.
As Dalai Lama said,"People take different roads seeking fulfillment and happiness. Just because they're not on your road, doesnt mean they've gotten lost." But well, he's an outcast as well, no wonder he's much more tolerant of differences :D
Well, I've stopped trying to inject some sense of respect for differences on the godsends anyway. It just doesn't work, as they've put themselves on the holy pedestal, seeing things from a high and mighty throne. Who am I, a vagabond, to dare to speak to these heaven-reigning kings?
But there's one question that's still popping in my treacherous mind.
If they can respect physical differences, such as races, genders, heights, weights, limitations, even justify death, famine, poverty, illness as God's greatness, why can't they accept different ways of thinking as God's greatness as well? As it must be God himself who endows us with our logical capabilities, life experiences, etc.
They see everything as God's plan, then just let my way of thinking be God's plan as well.
If they pray that God will change the way I think or the way I perceive him, then they might start praying that he'll change my gender and race as well, just to be fair.
Signing this,
the bitter bitch
Ok, I won't be saying anything about beliefs anymore. It brings us nowhere. They're devoted believers, whereas I ,um, how do I say this? am more like in between.
But still I wonder, how hard they try to uniform differences, how they would like to force me to see things exactly like how they see it.
I mean, let's take a so-called measurement ruler as an example. I might say it's a torture device (as I might have been beaten with one), you might say it's a nondescript plastic/wooden stuff. A student might say it's a device used to measure things, ask the tribal people out there, and they might give you other answers and point of view. Which of them is right? All of them are.
Some of us see the image of a pretty young lady, where as others see an old battered-looking woman. Which is true? You might start debating, but both are. It depends how we perceive the image, what past experiences we had, the list goes on.
As Dalai Lama said,"People take different roads seeking fulfillment and happiness. Just because they're not on your road, doesnt mean they've gotten lost." But well, he's an outcast as well, no wonder he's much more tolerant of differences :D
Well, I've stopped trying to inject some sense of respect for differences on the godsends anyway. It just doesn't work, as they've put themselves on the holy pedestal, seeing things from a high and mighty throne. Who am I, a vagabond, to dare to speak to these heaven-reigning kings?
But there's one question that's still popping in my treacherous mind.
If they can respect physical differences, such as races, genders, heights, weights, limitations, even justify death, famine, poverty, illness as God's greatness, why can't they accept different ways of thinking as God's greatness as well? As it must be God himself who endows us with our logical capabilities, life experiences, etc.
They see everything as God's plan, then just let my way of thinking be God's plan as well.
If they pray that God will change the way I think or the way I perceive him, then they might start praying that he'll change my gender and race as well, just to be fair.
Signing this,
the bitter bitch
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