I just chatted with a dear friend who recently has a new bf. She told me she vetoed her bf to stop keeping in touch with his ex and to remove her from his facebook friend's list, but the bf refused to do so. He should've seen it coming, the fire broke out. She got jealous and irritated from time to time, to the extreme measure that she fears her bf is thinking about his ex while making love to her. After a while, the bf gave in and removed her from his contact list. But it was kinda late since she thinks he should've done this earlier. Would all of these dramas not happen if he agreed to do what she wanted from the very beginning?
I recall watching an episode of Sex and the City where Carrie was haunted by the image of her bf's ex-wife and decided to personally check on the ex by pretending she had some book proposal and even setting up a meeting with the ex. FYI, the ex works in publishing. Well, curiosity kills the cat.. The ex is smart and stunning, Carrie felt threatened although she herself supposed to be smart and stunning as well. Hm, in my personal opinion, I don't think that Sarah Jessica Parker is pretty, so no wonder she felt threatened :p Anyway, watching this makes you wonder, why this sudden obsession?
Another episode of Desperate Housewives : Gaby was furious when she found out that her husband was going to work together with his ex gf. Please don't throw the first stone.. I admit I love those soap operas, tee hee.. See? at least I'm willing to admit it, I know I'm shallow :D
During my summer vacation, I met a very pretty and fun girl. She has this cool job which pays well and allows her to travel around the world. We had a drink together and she shared her story. Her fiance has like 17 ex gfs. I repeat, seventeen. She was actually quite bothered about this fact but she tried to get over it. What still bothers her sometimes is the fact that her fiance's still friends with his last gf, whom he cared about a lot. In fact, they have a really close friendship where they regularly call each other to update news etc. She had met this ex and known that the ex has no hidden agenda and is a really nice girl. But still, she cried when she told me this. She tried very hard to accept it and tried to be an understanding gf who doesn't have any problem with her own insecurity and this platonic friendship but it's immensely difficult for her..
I think if this 'friendship' really bothers her, then she should tell her fiance to stop contacting his ex, instead of crying alone in the middle of the night. She said she doesn't want to be so selfish to break a friendship bond. I admire her for her effort of taming the green-eyed monster, because I'm a very selfish person. I'm also someone who doesn't believe in platonic relationship between people who've been together before.
Back then when I got together with my bf, I sweetly (but poisonously) asked my bf to stop contacting his exes, he said ok. Afterwards I caught him chatting with his ex and lied to me about it. When I asked he told me,"She's just a friend I used to travel with bla bla.." He forgot that I have an elephant memory, meaning if he told me something, I can remember the details very well. I hate this sometimes. As you know, some things are better forgotten, but 'thanks' to my good memory those still linger on.. Long story short, we got into a fight and I VETOed him to break off contact with his exes. It's selfish I know, but so what? I don't want to torture myself pretending to be nice and understanding, I'm just being honest to myself and I want us to be happy. And the relationship can't go smoothly if I'm not happy. Call me a self-centered bitch, and see if I care ;)
Anyway, she is not happy with this and until now she keeps sending him messages saying how sad she is that he doesn't talk to her anymore, etc etc. Mind you, she even told his other friends to tell him how disappointed she is that they can't be friends anymore. How embarassing is that.. I can understand this if they used to be best of friends or something, but the truth is they weren't that close either.. And the funny thing is she herself vetoed her own bf to break contact with exes and didn't even allow her own bf to go to his ex gf's wedding! Hey, even I wouldn't sink that low.. And here she is, pestering her own ex to talk to her. Honestly, I was quite pissed off and would like to tell her to f*ck off and get a life. But since I have class (:p) I'll just brush it off and laugh at how pathetic it is.
Back to jealousy, fear, insecurity, even obsession.. Why?
I found this in some forum,
"Because they are a reminder that this relationship could end too, that everything she/he is saying to you, doing with you, she/he did with him or her too once, and that you are not alone in knowing the inner territories of your other half, as they have been well travelled."
I think I can relate. But sooner or later we'll all arrive at one point where we have to try to think positively that we all have fear of the unknown, but the fear shouldn't be jeopardizing the known.