December 18, 2008


There's this friend of mine, he found out he's adopted around 2 years ago. He's always had this self image problem, he's shy, he feels he's not attractive enough, he always fails miserably in pursuing women, and until now he's never been in a relationship (he's 25, btw). The fact that he's adopted doesn't help his self esteem either, he becomes more confused. And he hates the world because people always pay attention to outer appearance.

In attempt to boost his self esteem, he's desperately looking for a girlfriend. I don't know how this supposed to help.... And in his desperation, he tends to be impatient and persistent when pursuing a girl, so he doesn't really want to take the time to know a girl's personality (he doesn't really care about appearance either), the main thing is that he achieves his 'goal' of having a girlfriend. He has even declared love on a girl he knew only for 2 days. Kind of this 'hit and run' system. Needless to say, the girl fled.

I see a sick pattern emerging :
Insecurity ---> needing a girlfriend to feel loved ---> impatience and too much persistence --> driving the girls away (they're afraid, of course!) ---> back to point zero ---> even lower self confidence.

I really can't respect this kind of people. They whine about their problems (in this case, his being adopted). Face it boy! Life is unfair, change your point of view. Be thankful that you're adopted instead of whining about it. At least you didn't have to grow up poor in an orphanage. Stop drowning in self pity, wanting things you can't have and saying "why me?" and be grateful for what you have.

And the whole "Why does nobody love me? why don't I have any gf?", is making me sick. Why should we, girls, like you, if you don't even love yourself? As I've said before, everybody has their own moment of insecurity. Stop thinking negatively about yourself and start saying to yourself in front of the mirror that you're beautiful. If you feel you're attractive, other people will feel that way too.

Honestly, I don't even think having a girlfriend will boost his self esteem. It's something you have to work from the inside, not from the outside.

If I can turn my negative point of view and look at things positively, why can't you? Maybe you can say that everybody mental strength is different, yes it's true. But you should at least TRY. Gosh, I really want to shake him and yell at him, "WAKE UP!! your problems are not THAT big!!"

Am I being mean here? I have tried to put myself in his position, imagining that I were adopted, but no matter how hard I tried to see from his point of view, I would still be grateful that my parents chose me, at least I wouldn't have to beg or grow up on the street.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

jangan terlalu kejam jadi orang....